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Deliberate Loneliness – The Scheme of Dating Apps

The range of online dating options is diverse:

  • But what lies behind the thicket of these many different dating platforms, and what does this mean for the prospects of your own partner search?
  • Which dating platform is best for you?

Of course, we would be delighted if you choose Consonance.

However, at Consonance (Gleichklang), we do not try to win over everyone. We want to attract those people to our dating community who fit with us and who will be satisfied and happy with us. Incidentally, this is now also recognized by sites that typically follow general trends and note that we stand out at Consonance.

This article gives you an overview of the peculiarities of so-called dating apps, which now largely dominate the international partner search.
The article describes from a psychological perspective how dating apps shape our partner search and what the consequences are.

At the end of the article, we present Consonance as an alternative to dating apps.

But what characterizes dating apps?

  • Dating apps enable easy and quick access to contacts. They have a high entertainment character and can contribute to experimental exploration of one’s own communicative, sexual, and relationship-related motives.

However, partner search is not the primary focus of dating apps:

  • Most dating app users are not specifically looking for a committed romantic relationship.
  • When a contact is initiated, the motives are usually difficult to discern, and it can take a lot of time to clarify the motive with each other.

Dating apps can promote a mode of dating as a consumption process, where selection decisions are made in seconds based solely on photos and geographic proximity. Compatibility of values, relationship models, and life principles is not the focus of the structure of dating apps.

There are special dating apps that target specific groups, such as dating apps for the queer community, dating apps for vegan and vegetarian individuals, green dating apps, dating apps for spiritual, esoteric, or religious individuals, dating apps for single parents, dating apps for health-conscious individuals, dating apps for open relationships or polyamory, dating apps for highly sensitive people, dating apps for 50+, etc.

These special dating apps can facilitate contact between members of the respective target groups and also create a sense of connection among them. Nevertheless, the general problems of dating apps remain, such as the diverse motives of their users and the potential temptation toward pure entertainment and superficiality.

Another problem is that with special dating apps, one characteristic is always in the foreground. The compatibility of values, relationship models, and life principles, which is very important for a partnership, is generally not based exclusively on a single characteristic. Thus, special dating apps provide only a very rudimentary pre-selection for their users.

Ultimately, meeting a priori compatible individuals does not take place on any dating apps.

At Consonance, we rely on an integrated approach to matchmaking that connects all the various dating apps, so to speak, and by querying diverse information, brings together those people who truly fit with each other for relationships.

Psychology of Dating Apps

This article is very long, but this table of contents with jump links makes for effective and time-saving reading.

Partner Search with Dating Apps

Popularity and Simplicity

Dating apps are extremely popular. Hardly anyone does not know someone who is on a dating app themselves.

With dating apps, everything revolves around photos and geographic proximity. Profiles consist largely of photos and only a short text. There is no matchmaking based on psychological compatibility, but profiles are presented according to parameters such as age, gender, and location.

Users essentially browse photos and then decide within seconds whether they are interested in a person or not. Dating apps differ in who can be contacted. Some dating apps require mutual consent. Some only allow women to initiate contact. On other dating apps, any presented profile can be messaged.

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Advantages from the User’s Perspective

Dating apps have some advantages from the user’s perspective:

  • Dating apps satisfy users’ needs for ease, speed, variety, excitement, fun, and entertainment.
  • Registration can be completed in a very short time, and basic functions are free.
  • There is an endless series of profiles. Alternatives are available at any time. Contact initiation is quick and uncomplicated.
  • Profiles can be found directly near one’s location. Often it is only a few meters that separate the individuals.

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Disadvantages of Dating Apps from a Psychological Perspective

From a psychological perspective, dating apps have some disadvantages that arise from the overemphasis on appearance and their entertainment character:

Does Only Appearance Matter in the Partner Search?

A qualitative study with Tinder users concluded that the focus of use is entertainment and not the search for a committed relationship. Here, too, it was shown that appearance is the decisive criterion. Significantly, the title of the study begins with the term “The Tinder Games.”

Another qualitative study also concluded that the entire selection on a dating app occurs almost entirely through photos. This study also found a high interchangeability of individuals. Users needed the photos in later messenger communication to even remember who they were communicating with. From the beginning of online dating to offline dating, photos and outward appearance are therefore paramount for users of dating apps.

The problem with these findings from users of dating apps is that psychological studies show that appearance is not a fixed and stable variable and does not dominate relationship satisfaction at all. A fixation on appearance in split-second selection decisions can lead to wrong decisions. Because nothing in the selection captures whether or not these two people truly fit together for a lasting relationship.

Only searching for the most attractive people can even impair the success of the partner search:

  • In a study, individuals were rated for attractiveness based on their photos in high school yearbooks. It was found that more attractive people later had more frequent divorces and shorter marriages.

If there is a strong fixation on a person’s attractiveness in the selection on dating apps, it is possible that exactly those people will be found with whom a relationship will fail.

Moreover, even the initial attractiveness impression can be misleading. The first impression does not necessarily correspond to the second impression. People change their assessment of others when they get to know them. New impressions lead to a re-evaluation of attractiveness.

We can see this particularly well in existing partnerships. Studies show that we systematically rate our own partners as more attractive than they are generally perceived to be. The more satisfied we are with a relationship, the stronger this “positive bias.”

Even in the area of sexual attraction, a purely lightning-fast assessment of appearance is by no means sufficient. A qualitative study showed that besides appearance, attention, emotional closeness, and communication also play a decisive role in whether sexual attraction is perceived or not.

If images are predominantly viewed for the partner search on dating apps, this can therefore lead our partner search astray. In any case, this form of online dating is not a type of online dating that increases the chances of coming into contact with the people who truly fit with us.

In this respect, it cannot be assumed that dating apps are associated with high chances of meeting exactly those people with whom a lasting, happy, and stable relationship will develop.

Dating apps create a form of partner search where the selection of initially suitable individuals is made within seconds based on photos. This can create an additional danger that cultural and gender-typical patterns are further reinforced. Because the attraction we experience through appearance is in reality deeply culturally shaped.

Studies from the USA show that white men prefer slim women, while African Americans and Latinos prefer curvy women.

Another study was able to demonstrate that beauty ideals change through television consumption and templates in other media. This study observed that men in Nicaragua increasingly preferred slim women as their television consumption increased.

On dating apps, women tend to pay more attention to a good figure and youthful appearance. Men tend to post more images with status symbols. Through the mass use of these dating apps, such gender stereotypes can become further entrenched, and inflexible patterns in attractiveness perception can develop among individual users.

Users of dating apps can thus – without becoming aware of it – be increasingly influenced in their beauty ideals and experienced attraction by the dating apps.

Dating apps thus promote superficial dating, where people are judged in seconds primarily based on their appearance.

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Motives of Dating App Users

All just fun with online dating? The entertainment character of dating apps is indeed a problem for the partner search:

  • When individuals seeking partners use online dating for their entertainment, it can happen that their actual relationship motive is gradually replaced by entertainment motives.
  • The thrill of a new contact, the feeling of having high “market value,” distraction from boredom, purely virtual flirting, or the search for casual sexual contacts can be immediately reinforced through dating apps.
  • However, the problem is that the behaviors reinforced in this way do not promote the formation of a committed relationship.
  • Some users of dating apps even exhibit addictive behavior – a dating addiction from which no committed relationship emerges.

In fact, studies show that most users of dating apps are not seriously looking for a partner. The countless users of dating apps are therefore by no means all looking for a partnership, but their motives are extremely varied. However, users usually cannot recognize this beforehand.

In a study, psychologists surveyed Tinder users about their motives using a questionnaire with 24 questions.

Each question was answered on a five-point scale from 1-5, where the meaning of these levels ranged from strong rejection (1) through undecided (3) to strong agreement (5). Using a statistical procedure (factor analysis), the questions could be condensed into 6 basic motives – these were:

  1. Love (finding a partner for a love relationship)
  2. Sex (to have a one-night stand)
  3. Ease of communication (easier communication online)
  4. Self-esteem validation (to improve my self-confidence)
  5. Thrill-seeking (because of the kick)
  6. Trend orientation (it’s cool)

But how strongly were these motives represented in the sample?

  • In first place was thrill-seeking with an average value of 2.97.
  • In second place followed trend orientation with an average value of 2.71.
  • Only in third place came love with an average value of 2.24. This continued down to the motive of ease of communication with an average value of 1.63.

Let us remember:

  • 3 was the neutral response category, 4 and 5 stood for agreement, and 1 and 2 for rejection.

The average strength of the love motive was therefore 2.24, which is not in the agreement range but even closer to the rejection range than to the undecided range.

This means that on a dating app like Tinder, people are by no means predominantly looking for love.

Individuals looking for love on Tinder cannot assume that the other people they meet on Tinder are also looking for a love relationship.

It could just as well be that the other person simply finds Tinder cool, wants to get a thrill, uses Tinder to confirm their own self-worth (“I’m in demand“), or is only looking for sex.

Of course, a person can also have multiple motives, which in turn can mean that the strength of these motives fluctuates over time and situationally, and that one motive can displace the other at a certain time.

It is therefore ultimately unclear what motive a contact is initiated from.

Just clarifying this motive with a person can take a lot of time. Unfortunately, you cannot assume that you will always receive an honest answer to the direct question about motive.

In this context, the gender and age distribution on dating apps also gives us additional insights:

  • According to data from the cloud provider Ogury, which averaged over 10 dating apps for October to December 2018, the male share in the USA was 73%, in France 81%, in the UK 85%, in Spain 87%, and in Italy 91%.

Other data on Tinder in the USA shows a strong predominance of young users:

  • In the 18 to 29 age group, only 24% said they had never used Tinder, while among those over 65, this percentage of non-users rose to 97%.

Dating apps are therefore particularly popular with younger men. However, research findings show that men and younger individuals are particularly open to casual contacts, from which lasting partnerships often do not emerge.

It is certainly no coincidence that younger men in particular feel so strongly attracted to dating apps.

Ultimately, users of dating apps should be aware that many of the other users are not looking for a love relationship at all, or that this motive is only a distant one. When you look for love relationships on dating apps, your search in this highly dynamic and constantly changing context is like the proverbial search for a needle in a haystack.

In any case, the probability is not insignificant that due to this motivational situation of other users, which you cannot control, you will end up with exactly those people who are not available for a relationship.

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Dating Apps and Contact Satisfaction

How satisfied are singles with the contacts on dating apps, and how well do they succeed in deepening a contact to create a happy and lasting partnership?

Today, singles have more potential contact options through dating apps than ever before in human history. At the same time, there are also more singles today than ever before, even though the overwhelming majority of all adults in surveys say that a committed relationship is one of their most important life goals. In the USA, for example, 93% of respondents say this.

So many contact options as never before and at the same time so many singles as never before, even though most people desire a partnership – how can this so-called dating paradox be explained?

One explanation is that users of dating apps are simply not satisfied with their many contacts.

Psychologists Vannier and O’Sullivan conducted a study with people in relationships with the following result:

The more strongly the respondents perceived alternatives to their current relationship, the more dissatisfied they were with their relationship, the less willing they were to invest in their relationship, and the more uncertain they were about whether they wanted to stay with their partners permanently.

What follows when we apply these findings to online dating?

With online dating, we gain access to profiles of other individuals. On dating apps, the number of contact options is virtually unlimited. At least subjectively, alternatives are therefore available at all times.

Based on the findings of Vannier and O’Sullivan, we would therefore expect that the individuals in question – because of the many alternatives – become more dissatisfied with their current dating contacts, are less willing to invest in them, and become more uncertain about whether they can imagine a lasting relationship with these dating contacts.

Such processes do not have to run entirely consciously:

We perceive that we are somehow not satisfied or do not want to commit to one person. But we are not aware that with the same person, things might be completely different if we were not on a dating app and did not constantly expect further alternatives.

The mere fact that we can continuously come into contact with people through dating apps and always expect new contact options can therefore reduce our satisfaction with existing contacts and thereby diminish our willingness to commit to them.

In other words, users of dating apps can get into a mode where they constantly hope for new and better profiles, so that the motivation to actually engage with a contact decreases.

One reason for the increase in singles despite growing contact options could therefore be that some users of dating apps are not satisfied with their current contacts precisely because of the many contact options and therefore do not commit to a relationship with them.

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Dating Apps and Choice Overload

But there is a second possible cause for the dating paradox, namely so-called choice overload:

Choice overload refers to the overloading of our mental processing capacities due to too many options.

Psychologists Wu and Ciou conducted a very instructive online dating experiment:

They asked participants to describe what kind of person and relationship they desired. Participants were then presented with a different, either larger or smaller, number of profiles that more or less corresponded to the participants’ relationship ideal. The participants were asked to make a selection from these profiles.

A very astonishing result emerged:

The more profiles participants were shown, the less the profiles they selected corresponded to their own ideal preferences.

The more profiles participants were presented, the more often they selected the wrong people.

The authors concluded accordingly that in online dating, an increase in options leads to poorer decisions. The more alternatives we can choose from, the more likely we are to choose the wrong person with whom no relationship can begin, and so we remain single.

Selection from alternatives is a mental performance demand:

When the difficulty of this selection increases due to a growing number of options, we resort to simplifying selection processes in which we no longer consider all the information but only individual pieces of information.

On dating apps, this is the photo. We have already discussed this topic. On dating apps, the attractiveness impression is created in seconds through the photo. But this is a completely superficial selection that tells us nothing about whether we can have a long-term happy relationship with a person.

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Dating Apps and Competition Among Users

When we have more alternatives, we tend to become dissatisfied with our current relationships. With a growing number of alternatives, we also make poorer selection decisions. On dating apps, many users are not seriously looking for a relationship, but we usually cannot recognize this immediately.

All of this makes finding a partner more difficult. An additional problem is the competition of everyone against everyone:

Singles are often pleased when they have access to a large number of contacts.

What they do not consider is:

If I myself have, for example, 500 contact options, then these 500 individuals may each have another 500 contact options as well. This, however, reduces the chance to almost zero that I as an individual person will be noticed.

Especially against the background that with growing alternatives we become more dissatisfied with our contacts and our decisions become worse anyway, the competition of everyone against everyone can further reduce everyone’s chances.

But there is another possible reason why so many users on dating apps remain single; namely, the harmful effects of dishonesty on the partner search.

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Dating Apps and Dishonesty

In a dating experiment, Guadagno and colleagues presented participants with a personality questionnaire that they thought would be shown to their dating contacts.

One group of participants was told before filling out the questionnaire that they would actually meet the other person later. Other groups were told that they would not meet the other person, that they would communicate with the other person by email afterward, or they were told nothing at all.

The result was that those who thought they would actually meet the other person were the most honest in their responses, while the others tended to exaggerate positive traits. Incidentally, men did this particularly strongly.

This finding makes sense:

When people assume that they will actually meet another person, they must fear that false information will be noticed and then lead to disappointment. So they are more honest than when they do not expect a meeting at all.

Incidentally, for many dating app users, meetings do not happen very often:

The American sociologist Rosenfeld from Stanford University investigated how often actual meetings occurred during one year of using dating apps. 80% of the heterosexual singles surveyed had not had a single meeting through the dating app outside the internet in the 12 months before the survey.

It is therefore to be assumed that many people on dating apps initially do not assume that they will meet. This, however, increases the likelihood of dishonest information, which would make relationship formation more difficult even if a meeting were to occur in that case.

Dishonesty in online dating is an absolute no-go:

Peng and colleagues investigated how participants in an online dating experiment reacted to embellished images or falsified information about socioeconomic status in displayed profiles.

They observed that even minor dishonesty was evaluated negatively by both women and men and reduced the interest in entering into closer contact with the respective person. When someone is seriously looking for a love relationship, it makes no sense to lie.

Dating apps – especially since profiles can be created in seconds – can tempt people to lie. One’s own dishonesty can even lead us to avoid real meetings. Should they take place anyway, annoyance, disillusionment, and disappointment can result for the other person.

Incidentally, there are numerous websites where tips are given on how to present ourselves as attractively as possible on online profiles. Such tips can have devastating consequences.

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Five Problems for Partner Search on Dating Apps

In summary, five problems of partner search on dating apps can be identified:

  1. With more alternatives, we become more dissatisfied with our current contacts and are less willing to engage in building a relationship with one person.
  2. More alternatives in online dating lead to poorer decisions. The more alternatives there are, the more superficial our selection becomes, so we more often choose the wrong people.
  3. Many of the apparent alternatives are not real alternatives at all because they use dating apps for completely different reasons, e.g., because they find it cool or want to get a thrill. But we cannot recognize this immediately.
  4. More alternatives simultaneously mean great competition – everyone against everyone. This reduces the chances of being seriously noticed as an individual person at all.
  5. Some of the other people presented to us are dishonest in their profiles, which reduces the prospects of relationship formation. Perhaps we ourselves are even tempted to be dishonest (it’s so easy), which can contribute to us avoiding real encounters.

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Possible Side Effects of Dating Apps

The main connections have already been presented.

From a psychological perspective, it is important that users of dating apps are aware of the effects of dating apps. Only when users are conscious of the structures of dating apps and what they trigger can they protect themselves from the following possible side effects of dating apps:

Partner search becomes a consumption process: Many speak of the dating market. But terms like partner exchange or singles exchange also imply that partnerships are traded and that partnerships could be acquired. However, this is not the case. The consumption metaphor is harmful. Partner search is a process with an open outcome, where both sides do not deceive each other, do not acquire each other or pull the wool over each other’s eyes, but want to get to know each other for a relationship. By associating partner search with consumption and the market, a consumer attitude can emerge, especially on dating apps with their permanent provision of further suggestions. Instead of finding a partnership, suggestions or dates are consumed. In doing so, the consumer attitude can become so fixed that consuming suggestions and new dates prevents the formation of a partnership.

Entertainment replaces partner finding: This danger is connected to the consumer attitude. Partner finding is neither particularly fun nor does it give the participants a thrill. It is about seriously exchanging ideas, exploring the possibilities for a relationship, pausing other communications, and engaging in building a relationship. But on dating apps, it is fun not to find a partnership, but to flirt with ever-new contacts, to test oneself, to seek sex and variety. As a result, the actual goal of partner finding can be lost sight of on dating apps.

Change in one’s own preferences: Through the permanent confrontation with new profiles that are predominantly characterized by an image, our own ideas and preferences in the partner search can be changed by the dating apps. We adapt to the dating apps and are then only open to contacts that correspond to this pattern.

Questionable profiles and dishonesty: Anyone can create a profile immediately and in a very short time. This is of course also done by many people who are not serious about partner search, including catfishers, love scammers, multiple profiles, married people who claim to be single. False photos are also often uploaded. Anyone who makes dating so easy that no threshold has to be crossed will attract such questionable profiles almost magically. On dating apps, this is the case to a high degree.

Insults and sexist attacks: There is a separate literature on this topic. “Are you a bloody steak? Because I would like to eat you when you’re still bleeding,” such and similar sayings can be read on the Instagram page of Tindernightmares. Qualitative analyses have shown that Tinder also attracts misogynistic men who reduce women to their appearance and react with aggression when women refuse to be sexually available for them. Of course, this only applies to a minority of users, but the structure of dating apps nonetheless lends itself to sexist insults and to the projection of one’s own aggressiveness within the framework of misogynistic attitudes. For some users, this can lead to a consolidation of destructive and intrusive patterns. Victims of such attacks can become psychologically burdened and lose faith in the partner search. On the side of the affected women as recipients of such messages, more negative images of men and fundamental doubts about the seriousness of other participants may arise.

Addictive use: Some users directly describe that they experience themselves as dependent on dating apps. They must carry their phone everywhere so that new contacts and messages can be checked at any time. Receiving a match acts as a reward, and as with gambling, it can be difficult to refrain from it. In the meantime, there is even a specific test procedure that assesses problematic Tinder use.

Promotion of risky behavioral patterns: Studies show that users of dating apps are more likely to engage in risky alcohol and drug use, as well as unprotected sex. Studies find more frequent avoidance of condoms and higher alcohol consumption among dating app users. On dating apps, you are more likely to meet people who tend toward such risk behavior, and for some, this can be contagious.

Impairment of willingness to commit: On dating apps, users often orient themselves repeatedly toward new and possibly better suggestions. They experience dating apps as an important part of their leisure time. Their preferences and motives change, and their willingness to commit can decrease. The structure of dating apps is designed for speed, immediate reward, and constantly new contacts. But this is contrary to the processes required for building a relationship.

Neglect of other search possibilities: Dating apps can so captivate their users that they no longer go through the world with open eyes in their partner search. Dating is only the dating app for them. Other online opportunities (e.g., matchmaking) or other opportunities outside the internet are then no longer noticed. Due to their entertainment and addictive character, dating apps can displace other ways of finding a partner.

Permanent single status: Ultimately, dating apps can, in a paradoxical sense, cause people to remain permanently single. Those who go along with dating apps and stay with them will tend to chat, flirt, or date, but less often find a lasting relationship that would simultaneously mean leaving the dating app. Dating apps are structurally designed to keep people with them. The goal is not that a partnership is found and the person then leaves the dating app. The goal of dating apps is permanent dating, which they achieve best when users remain single.

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Possible Opportunities of Dating Apps

The side effects presented do not have to occur in all users of dating apps and do not.

Viewed from another perspective, dating apps offer their predominantly younger users many opportunities to get in touch with each other in a simple way.

Dating apps are thus, in a certain sense, the discotheques of the internet. In discotheques, it is predominantly younger people who get to know each other. They can thereby break away from strict norms and allow themselves the freedom to discover themselves. This also applies to the collection of erotic experiences, flirting, fun, and sometimes even a long-term relationship.

Dating apps make this getting to know each other easier across boundaries and can thus enable social networking that their users experience as positive. They can thereby, in individual cases, counteract processes of social isolation.

Users who are interested in chats, entertainment, flirting, casual contacts, and sexual contacts can certainly use dating apps effectively for these purposes. But long-term partnerships can also develop through dating apps, even though dating apps are not structurally optimized for matching long-term relationships.

Members of the queer community (LGBTQIA+) show a particularly high frequency of using dating apps. The background for the strong affinity of the queer community to online dating and dating apps is also the discrimination against queer, lesbian, gay, bisexual, pansexual, but also non-binary and genderqueer individuals that still exists in many countries and previously existed generally, so that they found a relatively safe place for getting to know each other on the internet.

In fact, to this day, dating apps serve the queer community for solidarity and networking in countries where they are subjected to persecution, such as Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Iran, or Russia. Unfortunately, they are now also exposed to considerable threats from state infiltration and vigilante terrorists who specifically arrange to meet them through dating apps in order to ambush, assault, or torture them at the real meeting.

It is clear from the high benefit of dating apps for the queer community (despite the dangers) that dating apps can not only reinforce cultural stereotypes (e.g., beauty ideals). Rather, dating apps can give discriminated, marginalized, or persecuted groups an opportunity for social networking and shared encounter that they find only to a limited extent outside the internet.

As much as dating apps are also associated with possible side effects, their positive functions should not be overlooked.

For your own relationship search, you can ask yourself whether the fast, rather casual and experimental character of dating apps suits you and can fulfill your relationship goals. If you answer this question with yes, there is nothing against using dating apps for your relationship search, as long as you know the limitations of dating apps and have dealt with their dangers.

However, if you come to the conclusion that your relationship search is less well served by dating apps, you can choose to use a matchmaking service instead. With matchmaking, the finding and building of a committed relationship is entirely in the foreground, which characterizes the matchmaking system and also the motives of its users.

In contrast to dating apps, where it is really only about appearance and local proximity, the philosophy of online matchmaking services is based on the compatibility of fundamental values. The goal is to suggest to each other those individuals with whom there is a compatibility of values as a basis for a long-term relationship.

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Special Dating Apps

Queer Dating Apps

The most well-known dating apps are aimed at the broad “mass,” i.e., anyone looking for some form of social contact, virtual chat, self-validation, sexual contacts, friendships, or romantic relationships.

But there are also more specialized dating apps aimed only at specific target groups. The best known here are dating apps for the queer group, such as Grindr, to name one example.

Most queer and genderqueer dating apps, in the sense of LGBTQ+; LGBTQI+ or LGBTQIA+, are aimed at all people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (trans-identifying), intersex, or asexual.

However, there are also gay dating apps or lesbian dating apps, although gay and lesbian dating apps are also welcoming to bisexual users, as well as non-binary individuals, trans-identifying individuals, and intersex individuals.

There are also specific dating apps for transgender individuals – we did not find any dating apps specifically for intersex individuals in a Google search.

Among members of the queer community, the use of dating apps began earlier than in other parts of the population and remains more widespread to this day. Positively, there is a more balanced age distribution on queer dating apps. While the typical major dating apps – even when they try to handle it differently – attract predominantly young people, dating via dating apps in the queer scene takes place more strongly across all age groups.

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Other Special Groups

Meanwhile, there are also numerous dating apps internationally for special groups outside the mainstream and also outside the queer community. The logic of these dating apps is that general dating apps cannot help members of certain groups, that they have hardly any opportunity there to meet someone who fits them.

The following examples of dating apps all exist internationally, although not every one of the groups mentioned is represented in the German-speaking region by its own dating app. This list, however, makes clear a number of groups that certainly have specific dating needs and therefore must or want to rely on different dating strategies:

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Dating Apps for Vegans and Dating Apps for Vegetarians

These dating apps typically have both vegan and vegetarian users. Flexitarian or flexigan individuals are also often included in these dating apps. The philosophy behind vegetarian or vegan dating apps is that a shared vegetarian or vegan lifestyle is an important foundation for a happy and stable relationship between two people. This assumption is also supported by our own surveys at Consonance and our portal vegan.eu, which show that vegans and vegetarians are happier in relationships with other vegan or vegetarian individuals than in relationships with people who eat meat. This is exactly what justifies the existence of vegan and vegetarian dating apps. Outside of such a vegan dating app, for example, vegans on a general dating app would hardly ever meet other vegan individuals. This problem can be solved by vegan and vegetarian dating apps. Also read our dating tips for vegan singles or our dating tips for vegetarian singles.

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Green Dating Apps

Similar to vegan and vegetarian dating apps, this is about ecology, sustainability, reduction of consumption, and minimalism. Most users of green dating apps also value a vegan or vegetarian diet. But there can also be users of green dating apps who are flexigan, flexitarian, or even omnivorous. The goal is to build relationships that achieve a high level of connection through a shared ecological attitude. Once again, people who care about ecology, sustainability, consumer criticism, or minimalism have the problem that they have hardly any chance on general dating apps of meeting like-minded people. However, they can benefit from green dating apps because the probability, due to the composition of participants, is a priori high that they are like-minded individuals. Since a high level of sustainability awareness or even a minimalist lifestyle has a profound impact on daily life, agreement in these characteristics is beneficial or even necessary in romantic partnerships. This is sufficient justification for why green dating apps emerge and are offered.

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Dating Apps for Health-Conscious Individuals

Health awareness is a central lifestyle characteristic that can significantly shape daily life. It refers to the handling of food (healthy, whole-food nutrition), sports and exercise (walking, fitness), rest and relaxation (meditation, yoga, relaxation exercises), avoidance of environmental toxins (smoking, alcohol, drugs), as well as sleep (sleep hygiene, regular and sufficient sleep). Because health awareness strongly intervenes in daily life, it also plays a role in partnerships. Accordingly, dating apps for health-conscious individuals attempt to specifically support participating singles in their search for likewise health-conscious partners.

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Dating Apps for Highly Sensitive People

Highly sensitive individuals are characterized by high perception sensitivity, emotional openness, more empathy and compassion, but also higher pain and noise sensitivity, increased vulnerability, and a rapid tendency toward sensory overload. In relationships with non-highly sensitive people, highly sensitive individuals often report encountering little understanding and consequently experiencing psychological strain. Accordingly, dating apps for highly sensitive people attempt to facilitate partner search for individuals who are highly sensitive by bringing together people with high sensitivity. On general dating apps, users cannot recognize whether other individuals are highly sensitive or not. It is therefore very difficult on general dating apps for highly sensitive people to find like-minded individuals who share their high sensitivity or at least appreciate it and can handle it well. Dating apps for highly sensitive people fill this gap and can improve the prospects for highly sensitive individuals in their online dating to meet other highly sensitive people.

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Dating Apps for Spiritual People or Esoterics

These dating apps attempt to bring together people who are interested in Western, Eastern, or free spirituality, or esoteric secret doctrines such as the Theosophists or the Rosicrucians. Anthroposophists are also to be classified in the area of Western spirituality and esotericism. Often, spiritually interested individuals also have interests in Buddhism, Hinduism, or Shamanism. Dating apps for spiritual people or esoterics assume that agreement in spiritual beliefs can promote relationship depth. Dating apps for meditators and yoga practitioners more or less overlap with the area of spirituality.

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Dating Apps for Followers of Specific Religions

Dating apps for Christians, dating apps for Buddhists, dating apps for Jewish people, dating apps for Muslims, dating apps for Hindus, dating apps for the Japanese Shinto religion, dating apps for Bahais – the list could be continued. Dating apps for agnostics and atheists should also be added. Such dating apps assume that couples become happier together when they practice the same religion and thus, for example, pull together in raising children. As with most special characteristics, it also applies to spirituality or adherence to a specific religion that a commonality in these characteristics can improve relationship satisfaction and relationship quality. At the same time, however, it is again difficult for users of the major general dating apps to meet people who share spirituality or religion with them. This reduces the efficiency of general dating apps for people for whom spirituality and religion are important aspects in their partner search. With the help of specialized spiritual and religious dating apps, the prospects of dating for spiritual and religious individuals can be significantly improved.

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Dating Apps for Single Parents

On such dating apps, single parents can get to know each other. The background is that the partner search for single parents can be more difficult because some singles do not want to start a relationship where the new partners would have to share parental responsibility. Some single parents also certainly find it helpful if their partners are also single parents. However, the risk is that people with questionable intentions may register here in order to get to know mothers with children. Additionally, it must be considered that the mere common characteristic of “single parent” says little about the compatibility of the respective individuals for a partnership.

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Dating Apps for People with Disabilities and Illnesses

These dating apps aim to make partner search easier for people with disabilities and chronic illnesses. Typically, however, online dating here is not characterized by inclusion. It is primarily people with disabilities who meet there, but individuals for whom disabilities are a fetish also find their way there, such as amelotatists who feel particularly erotically or romantically attracted to physical handicaps or limitations. On general dating apps, people with disabilities and chronic illnesses often have a harder time than other singles due to rejection and refusal. There are also dating apps for HIV-positive individuals. Specialized dating apps for people with disabilities and chronic illnesses can reduce the risk of rejection and refusal. This can be experienced as relieving. People with disabilities or chronic illnesses decide for themselves whether they approve of or accept the further loss of inclusion generated by these dating apps, or whether they would prefer to search through more inclusive online dating offerings.

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Dating Apps for People with Mental Illnesses

General dating apps for people with mental illnesses or specific dating apps for those with depression, dating apps for those with eating disorders, dating apps for people with anxiety disorders, dating apps for people with obsessive-compulsive disorders, dating apps for ADHD, dating apps for people with schizophrenia. The dating apps believe that people with mental illnesses get along better in relationships with each other. However, there is only very limited empirical evidence for this. As with dating apps for people with disabilities, such dating apps by definition lack inclusion. Almost only people who themselves suffer from a mental illness meet here. On general dating apps, people with mental illnesses undoubtedly have a harder time because they often encounter rejection or feel misunderstood. Specialized dating apps for people with mental illnesses can fundamentally bring improvements here. However, this comes at the cost of inclusion with such dating apps. Almost only people with mental illnesses meet here, even though highly viable and happy partnerships between people with and without mental illnesses are also possible. Participants in such specialized dating apps for those with mental illnesses can hardly find these there. On the other hand, some people with mental illnesses experience it as relieving when they can find a partnership in a circle of people who also suffer from mental illnesses. The decision lies with those affected.

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Dating Apps for Autistics

Autistic individuals have peculiarities of social-emotional communication that can be misunderstood by neurotypical individuals. In particular, non-verbal expression is different, and verbal expression is also characterized by very high directness and honesty. Studies show that autistics can have happy relationships and do. Nevertheless, partner search is often more difficult for autistics, although for many autistics, online dating is particularly well-suited due to its structure. There is evidence that relationships between autistics are on average happier than relationships between autistics and neurotypical individuals. On the other hand, stable and happy relationships between neurotypical individuals and autistics can also develop. Dating apps for autistics usually have only autistic users and, like dating apps for people with disabilities or dating apps for people with mental illnesses, have only low inclusion.

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Dating Apps for Asexuals

Asexuals do not want to have sex and therefore often face challenges in their partner search. Even though asexuals do not want to have sex, they can still desire and have platonic romantic relationships. In addition, demisexuals are also often classified in the asexual spectrum. On general dating apps, however, it is very difficult for asexuals to come into contact with other asexuals at all. This is where dating apps for asexuals step in and want to make it easier for asexuals to find romantic relationships.

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Dating Apps for Open Relationships and Swinger Relationships

In an open relationship, love is exclusive, but sex outside the relationship is permitted. In a swinger relationship, couples have sex together with other individuals or couples. Open relationships and swinger relationships can also be combined with each other. Studies show that both types of relationships can achieve high satisfaction when handled truly openly and transparently. On general dating apps, however, it is difficult to specifically find individuals who are pursuing a similar relationship model. Thus, it can happen that individuals who are explicitly seeking monogamy meet individuals who are explicitly seeking an open relationship or a swinger relationship. If such a relationship develops, there are risks that one or both sides will become unfulfilled and dissatisfied, which may lead to infidelity due to this dissatisfaction, which is a common reason for separation. Against this background, dating apps for open relationships and dating apps for swinger relationships can be a useful supplement to general dating apps.

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Dating Apps for Polyamory

A polyamorous relationship is characterized by the fact that not only sex can be shared, but also love. This distinguishes polyamorous relationships from open relationships or swinger relationships. A person has more than one partner and maintains romantic and sexual relationships with the partners. In some polyamorous constellations, there are primary partners and secondary partners. There are also polyamorous relationships where all partners are primary partners, e.g., living together, or where all partners are secondary partners, e.g., only meeting occasionally. Individuals who are explicitly looking for monogamy and singles who are explicitly looking for polyamory do not fit together. Relationships between them can quickly lead to dissatisfaction or secrecy. But even singles who can only imagine an open or swinger relationship differ from singles who are looking for polyamorous relationships. Dating apps for polyamorous relationships or poly relationships are therefore, like dating apps for open relationships and dating apps for swinger relationships, a content-wise sensible offering for the corresponding singles.

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Dating Apps for BDSM Preferences

Approximately 10% of all individuals have BDSM preferences based on reciprocity, transparency, and mutual agreement. Studies show that such BDSM preferences are not associated with any personality abnormalities. These individuals, like others, seek love relationships that can achieve better relationship quality through compatibility of BDSM preferences. Conversely, irritations can arise in partnerships when only one person has BDSM preferences and the other does not. Dating apps for people with BDSM preferences can therefore usefully supplement the offerings of general dating apps, even though compatibility of BDSM preferences alone is certainly not a sufficient criterion for compatibility for a lasting love relationship.

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Dating Apps for Absolute Beginners and Long-Term Singles

Individuals who have never had a relationship or who have been single for many years often face particular challenges in their partner search. Some of them develop the desire to find partnerships among themselves. This can lower the threshold for partner search and promote mutual understanding, even though it is unclear whether happier relationships actually develop on this basis.

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Dating Apps for Long-Distance Relationships

The majority of singles envision living together, while some envision Living Apart Together with separate apartments in the same location. Long-distance relationships are often conducted involuntarily or temporarily by many. But there are also singles for whom long-distance relationships are the ideal model of a love relationship. These often do not have it easy in online dating because the majority wants to move in together. In this respect, dating apps for long-distance relationships may indeed make partner search easier for this part of the singles.

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Dating Apps for 50+

As already shown above, dating apps outside the LGBTQIA+ area are often strongly dominated by younger age groups. However, many people aged 50 and over are also looking for partners due to separations or deaths, but some do not feel comfortable on dating apps that are heavily focused on a young clientele. Dating apps for singles aged 50+ fill this gap and can therefore make partner search via the internet easier for people aged 50 and over.

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Dating Apps for Seniors

The desire for love and partnership does not stop at 60. People of all age groups, including people over 70 or over 80, often desire a new love. Dating apps for seniors want to give older people the opportunity for an effective relationship search without having to adapt to general dating apps oriented toward the needs of young people. For seniors, such specific apps oriented toward older individuals can therefore certainly be an attractive alternative.

Incidentally, there are numerous other special dating apps that relate to specific hobbies, music styles, or other lifestyle habits.

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Dating Apps for Sapiosexuals

Sapiosexuality is a sexual orientation that is oriented toward perceived intelligence. Sapiosexuals feel sexually attracted to high intelligence and respond to high intelligence with sexual arousal and desire. Sapiosexuality is not correlated with intelligence. This means that people with lower as well as higher intelligence can be sapiosexual. Dating apps for sapiosexuals are not very effective because they do not measure intelligence and in reality match sapiosexuals with sapiosexuals. However, these can show completely different levels of intelligence. Consonance offers the self-test “Am I sapiosexual?” in its test portal, which provides you with a text-based evaluation.

Incidentally, there are numerous other special dating apps that relate to specific hobbies, music styles, or other lifestyle habits.

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Are Special Dating Apps Effective?

Special dating apps undoubtedly make it easier for their users to get in touch with people who share certain characteristics with them. If these characteristics are important to them for their partner search, or if these characteristics can generally make partner search more difficult in online dating, these special dating apps do indeed represent a relief.

Special dating apps can also – depending on the target group – create an increased feeling of solidarity and cohesion among their users, since they all share the admission criteria of the dating app. The more central the characteristic taken into account by the dating app, the more special dating apps can actually provide assistance in the partner search.

However, special dating apps still cannot solve all the problems of general dating apps, and additional problems can arise from them with regard to the accuracy of matching people for partnerships:

Special dating apps have a very similar structure to general dating apps. The main difference is that they are intended only for a defined subgroup of people. Thus, all the problems of general dating apps continue to exist:

For getting to know each other, appearance and geographic proximity play a very strong role – from a psychological perspective, too strong a role.

The ease with which new profiles can be accessed again and again can also lead to consumption processes and decreasing willingness to commit on special dating apps.

There are also strongly mixed motives on special dating apps, so that many are not looking for a partnership at all, or partnership is only a distant goal. Thrill-seeking, self-validation, ease of communication, and the search for eroticism are additional motives that can interfere with the motive of searching for love relationships.

The danger that users ultimately focus more on entertainment, chats, and virtual contacts for killing time than on a genuine partner search exists on special dating apps just as it does on general dating apps. The motive of partner search can thus be de facto lost.

Through integration into such a dating structure, a change in the preferences of their users can correspondingly also take place on special dating apps, which is strongly determined by image-driven presentation and split-second selection processes.

Most special dating apps, like general dating apps, have extensive free basic functions. As much as users appreciate such free offerings, they also strongly attract questionable individuals. Multiple profiles with dishonest information, outdated profiles, etc. occur.

The more mixed motives play a role and the easier a profile can be created, the more likely ghosting, catfishing, or breadcrumbing also become. With ghosting, people disappear without a trace. With catfishing, people are to be sounded out for other reasons. With breadcrumbing, brief contact is made from time to time, but in reality there is no willingness to commit to a relationship.

The dangers of addictive use, promotion of risky behavior, and neglect of other search options also exist.

Another problem with special dating apps is that partnership never depends on just one characteristic, even if it is important.

Not all vegans will be happy with each other, relationships between single parents are by no means always stable, and even between highly sensitive individuals there can be fundamental differences in life goals. A shared BDSM preference is by no means a guarantee of a happy relationship. This can be continued for all the characteristics that the respective dating apps have specialized in.

Happy and stable partnerships require compatibility of values, life principles, and life goals. Only such compatibility enables balanced relationships that develop a high degree of relationship satisfaction and life satisfaction.

Just as little as general dating apps do special dating apps specifically contribute to establishing balanced partnerships based on compatibility of values and life principles. Getting to know each other through photos and geodata does not lead to a suitable pre-selection, but can influence selection decisions through mere physical attraction and convenience in an unfavorable direction.

Special dating apps put a single characteristic strongly in the foreground, but do not support their users’ online dating by providing a pre-selection of potentially compatible individuals. In this sense, special dating apps ultimately remain dating apps that are associated with easy contact options, but whose actual viability is typically questionable.

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Successful Partner Search on Dating Apps?

All of this, of course, does not mean that it is impossible to find a relationship through a dating app.

Many people also know one or the other couple who found each other through a dating app.

However, it is unclear what percentage of those who remain single are, as well as those who find a stable or unstable relationship.

The dating apps themselves have not published any relevant data on this.

Nevertheless, a few clues can be gleaned from studies:

The sociologist Rosenfeld, already mentioned, suspects based on his data that dating apps play a smaller role for actual relationships than many believe. He assumes that dating apps are de facto more likely to be used for flirting online or looking at photos.

Timmermans and Courtois came to the conclusion in a survey of Belgian Tinder users that less than half of respondents had ever had a meeting through the app.

Among those who had such a meeting, 31% reported sexual contacts, but at least 27% stated that they had found a relationship.

This shows that relationships can develop through dating apps.

However, we should not overestimate the effectiveness, because the 27% must first be more than halved, since they only refer to those less than 50% who ever had a meeting at all.

In addition, the study did not record whether the relationships continued at the time of the survey and how happy or unhappy they were, which is also very important.

The fairest conclusion is probably that it is possible, but not very likely, to find a relationship through a dating app.

How is it then that many of us know such couples?

This simply follows from the law of large numbers:

  • There is such an enormously large number of dating app users that even with low effectiveness of these apps for partner search, we will encounter such couples everywhere.

Conversely, of course, one could also say:

  • If the many contact options through dating apps (note: more than ever before in human history) were actually so effective, almost everyone should have already found a relationship there.

But in reality, there are not fewer, but more involuntary singles today than in the past. Some of these involuntary singles have probably remained without a partner not despite, but because of dating apps.

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Consonance as an Alternative Matchmaking Service

With our integrated approach to matchmaking, we see ourselves as an alternative to the large dating platforms, but also to the special dating apps. Our focus is on an alternative and at the same time serious matchmaking and friendship search.

Our integrated approach consists of combining green dating (pre-selection of ecologically oriented participants) with a high appreciation of diversity and inclusion, as well as a psychologically founded matching algorithm.

While photos and location undoubtedly also play a role with us, we are not a pure dating app. Rather, we are a matchmaking service that enables its users through a psychologically justified pre-selection to focus particularly on those contacts with whom there is a compatibility of values. This increases the prospects of finding a partner that results not in short and conflict-ridden relationships, but in lasting and happy ones.

A special feature of our matchmaking is that we take up the concerns of special dating apps and use them as matching criteria. However, the difference from dating apps is that we do not include just one characteristic, but a variety of characteristics to enable actual compatibility of partner suggestions.

Accordingly, in our matchmaking we pay attention, among other things, to the following:

  • all legitimate sexual orientations and gender identities are represented. This applies to heterosexual women and men as well as non-binary individuals, trans-identifying individuals, intersex individuals, homosexuals, gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, pansexuals, skoliosexuals, and asexuals, i.e., the entire queer and genderqueer area (dating for LGBTQIA+).
  • Vegan and vegetarian singles, as well as animal rights advocates, can specify their life principles and ethical values as selection criteria in their partner search (vegan dating, vegetarian dating).
  • Matching based on sustainability, ecological attitudes, and minimalist lifestyle takes place (green dating).
  • Highly sensitive individuals are primarily presented with people who are also highly sensitive or at least have a high level of understanding for this (online dating for highly sensitive people).
  • Health-conscious singles at Consonance receive partner suggestions for other health-conscious individuals who also place great value on a health-conscious lifestyle (health-conscious dating, fitness dating).
  • Spiritually and esoterically oriented people can find each other if spirituality or esotericism are important selection criteria for them (spiritual dating).
  • Followers of the various religions get to know each other in order to find a common path in life in a partnership. This enables Christian dating, Buddhist dating, Muslim dating, Jewish dating, Hindu dating, Shinto dating, and Bahai dating.
  • Atheistically and agnostically minded people can also come into contact with each other – in the event that you value getting to know other atheists and agnostics for a partnership (atheist dating, agnostic dating).
  • Single parents receive specific suggestions in their partner search of people who have a high level of acceptance and appreciation for their role as a single parent (dating for single parents).
  • People with disabilities, chronic illnesses, mental illnesses, sexual dysfunctions, HIV-positive individuals, or autistics can meet people here who have previously stated their acceptance and appreciation for this (dating for people with disabilities, dating for people with chronic illnesses, dating for people with mental illnesses, dating for people with sexual dysfunctions, dating for people with HIV, dating for autistics).
  • Asexuals receive suggestions in their partner search of people who would like to have asexual or platonic relationships (asexual dating).
  • People who desire an open relationship or a swinger relationship are brought together with other singles who share the same relationship model (dating for open relationships, dating for swingers).
  • Singles who desire polyamory are brought together with other singles who would also like to establish a polyamorous partnership (dating for polyamory).
  • People with BDSM preferences can find singles who have a matching preference (BDSM dating).
  • Absolute beginners and long-term singles can expect a high level of acceptance for their special situation, lowering the threshold for their partner search (dating for absolute beginners, dating for long-term singles).
  • We pay attention to compatibility of spatial living models in our matchmaking. Those who want to live together get to know each other, and those who are aiming for long-distance relationships get to know each other.
  • The average age of our members is 50, and the core range is from 30 to 69. But even at an older age, people are still looking for partners with us. At Consonance, effective partner search is therefore also possible for singles aged 50+ and for seniors (dating 50+, dating for seniors).

For our matchmaking at Consonance, in this sense, we have brought together the most diverse dating apps under one common roof that focuses on sustainability, diversity, acceptance, and inclusion. Psychologically, this integration is advantageous because singles typically have not just one, but diverse characteristics. Dating apps, however, take up at most one of these characteristics (special dating apps) or none of these characteristics (general dating apps).

By comparing the expressions of these various characteristics at Consonance, we can actually achieve a compatibility of values, life principles, and relationship models in our matchmaking, so that on this basis, viable relationships with high relationship satisfaction and stability can develop.

Incidentally, we also repeated the study by Sumter and colleagues (2017) on the motives of Tinder users with Consonance members who participated in our partner search. The results are shown in the table:

The agreement range for the questions was 4-5, the neutral range was 3, and the rejection range was 1-2.

 

Love

4.19

2.24
Sex

1.98

1.88
Communication

2.81

1.63
Self-validation

2.52

2.22
Thrill-seeking

2.41

2.97
Trend

2.26

2.71

 

Unlike Tinder users, the love motive among our members is not only in first place, but also clearly in the agreement range. All other search motives are secondary and are at most in the neutral range (communication, self-validation) or even in the rejection range (thrill-seeking, trend, sex).

At Consonance, you can therefore be sure that you are conducting your search in a circle of people who are genuinely looking for a partnership and for whom this is the most important and primary motive.

Although there are also people at Consonance who are only looking for friendship or projects, they do not participate in the partner search.

Due to the strong orientation of our users’ motives toward relationship search, everyone’s chances of successful partner finding are improved.

How to approach online partner search?

Do not believe in the effectiveness of large numbers in online dating, but try to engage with a single person to jointly explore whether a relationship can develop between you.

Do not look for many contacts, but proceed step by step with the goal that one day you will meet the right person with whom you will truly be happy.

We have optimized our psychological system of online matchmaking since 2006 entirely so that happy and stable partnerships result from it.

You can rely on the fact that your partner search is in good hands with us.

See for yourself and join now: CLICK HERE TO REGISTER!

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