Online Dating from Age 50 as a Focus of Our Dating Community
Dating from Age 50 and Dating 50+ (50plus): Why Compatible Life Models, Shared Values, and Life Experiences Are Crucial for Singles – And Why This Also Applies to Dating 60+
Consonance (Gleichklang) is a psychological matchmaking service and online dating platform for all age groups. Dating from age 50 is particularly common among our members.
In addition to romantic relationships, Consonance members also search for and find friendships, projects, and communities. The central success factor of our matchmaking service lies in the alignment of core life philosophies and relationship models.
People who can build a compatible everyday life together tend to be happier and more stable in their relationships on average. This is the core of the psychological dating and friendship search at Consonance – and that is why dating from age 50 is so visible with us, without the platform being limited to any one age group.
Age Distribution at Consonance: Average 50 Years – Range 18 to 91
The average age of our dating members is almost exactly 50 years.
For the age group distribution, this specifically means that our members range from 18 to 91 years old. The strongest group is between 50 and 60. This is followed by 40 to 50, then 30 to 40 and 60 to 70, which are represented approximately equally. 18 to 30 and 70 and above follow as further groups.
Thus, dating from age 50 and dating 50+ (50plus) is particularly prominent at Consonance, without the platform being restricted to this group.
Fundamentally, Dating Is Always Dating – Yet Age Affects the Dating Process
Fundamentally, dating is always dating, and the basic principles of the psychology of matchmaking are the same for all age groups. At the same time, there are age-related influences on dating that arise from biographical experiences, career paths, previous relationships, marriage and starting a family, separation, and divorce.
In dating from age 50 – and likewise in dating from age 60 or dating from age 70 or 80 – people often set out once again who are ready to look back on a multifaceted life. Many have built things up, gained experiences, and want to build on them.
Studies show that daters over 50, especially after separations or divorces, often seek a new love relationship but want to combine this with maintaining their independence.
Some have freed themselves from certain constraints and stand as singles not only alone but also independently in life. They seek love and connection, but at the same time appreciate what they already have. This can be family connections, professional connections, friendships, or simply living on their own terms.
Interestingly, this applies somewhat more strongly to women than to men on average. While in dating from age 50 or dating from age 60, quite a few men would like to live together again and get married, women on average are more cautious and tend to prefer a model like Living Apart Together.
This, of course, only applies on average:
- All relationship models are fundamentally viable at all age levels, and there are people of all ages who are interested in them.
Experiences at Consonance: Dating from Age 50 Is Often More Reflective – And Yet Mutual
Typically, our members are more reflective, look back on past relationships, and have fairly clear ideas about how they want to live in a new relationship. Self-reflection and clarity about one’s own relationship models are helpful in bringing dating to success and preventing negative or toxic relationships.
Equally important as clear ideas and independence are willingness to change and reciprocity.
Even with Living Apart Together or in a long-distance relationship, a partnership always intervenes in one’s own everyday life. We have to move toward each other, and not everything can continue exactly as it was done before.
At Consonance, we have the experience that our members typically succeed well in this and that dating 50+ (50plus) therefore often leads to success.
Success Rates by Age Group
- Dating up to age 29: 49% found a relationship if they did not give up for at least one year. 78% found a relationship if they did not give up for at least two years.
- Dating from 30 to 39: 39% found a relationship if they did not give up for at least one year. 67% found a relationship if they did not give up for at least two years.
- Dating from 40 to 49: 38% found a relationship if they did not give up for at least one year. 67% found a relationship if they did not give up for at least two years.
- Dating from 50 to 59 (Dating 50+): 39% found a relationship if they did not give up for at least one year. 66% found a relationship if they did not give up for at least two years.
- Dating from 60 to 69 (Dating 60+): 34% found a relationship if they did not give up for at least one year. 59% found a relationship if they did not give up for at least two years.
- Dating from 70 to 79: 33% found a relationship if they did not give up for at least one year. 61% found a relationship if they did not give up for at least two years.
- Dating from age 80: 28% found a relationship if they did not give up for at least one year. 62% found a relationship if they did not give up for at least two years.
Even in the highest age range, success rates over time do not differ significantly from success rates in the other age ranges.
However, one should not expect it to happen quickly:
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Finding a partner takes several years for many, which in turn applies to all age ranges. Since relationships are very important and are meant to last, this is, in my view, an acceptable situation.
Everything about the success rates and duration of dating is presented in detail in this article.
Life Situations and Age Differences: Important – But Please Do Not Generalize
Singles over 50, especially women, are no longer looking for a partner for biological children and starting a family. For many younger singles, however, this plays a role.
Conversely, for older singles, existing children and grandchildren play a role that must be considered in a potential romantic relationship.
Nevertheless, the differences should not be exaggerated:
- There are younger people without a desire for children and older people without children and grandchildren.
Therefore:
- Dating cannot be solved through age clichés, but through the compatibility of life reality and relationship model.
Five Basic Types of Dating from Age 50 (Dating 50+)
In a study on relationship models and desires of people over 50, five types of dating emerge:
- Sharing commonalities and interests
Here, sex and passion are not the focus, but rather shared meaningful activities. Loneliness increases from age 70 and reaches a high value from age 80. At the same time, loneliness is equally high in the age group of those younger than 30, and there is another peak in the 50 to 60 age group. The corresponding people would most like to experience togetherness with people who are already in their environment. Often this is not the case, and online dating can help here.
- Taking responsibility and spirituality
These people seek soulmates to take responsibility for each other and to find and live a shared spiritual basis. Eroticism is less important. With increasing age, questions of life meaning come more to the forefront for some. This group strives for a clear romantic reference. In Consonance data, spirituality plays a greater role in middle and older age than in younger age; the difference is relative, not absolute.
- Physical intimacy and sexuality
It is a myth that older people do not want or have less sex. Desires are very diverse at all ages. This group places the greatest value on physical intimacy, which is more than just sexual intercourse. There is often openness to long-distance relationships, less interest in marriage, and a strong separation between family and partnership. Often there are close ties to adult children and grandchildren, but the physical-intimate side is missing. What is sought is a longer-term relationship that is to be kept separate from other relationships; no marriage, high willingness for long-distance relationships. In Consonance data, interest in marriage decreases with age; but there are also younger members with similar profiles.
- Worry and ambivalence
Here, people seek partnership out of fear of loneliness, but at the same time they are afraid of partnership. Relationships are experienced as a risk, in older people often with regard to family and circle of friends. Attachment ambivalences exist in all age groups. It is advisable to reflect on relationship desires and set priorities. A relationship solely out of fear of loneliness is not the right path; other networking can be protective. Relationships contain risks; the desire for a relationship must be strong enough to accept risks.
- Connected in independence
These people want a relationship, but mostly no sharing of assets and no strong taking on of responsibility. Often divorced, with the desire to maintain gained independence and still experience partnership. Health risks should be clarified; a caregiver role should be avoided. In Consonance surveys, interest in asset sharing decreases with age; willingness for Living Apart Together and long-distance relationships increases. In younger people, this is often a transition; in older people, more often a permanent solution. This type is not exclusively “old”; younger people also question traditional asset sharing and shared living arrangements.
Differences Between Younger and Older Members at Consonance: Monogamy, Search Radius, Travel
Our dating community is characterized by many cross-generational commonalities. Especially in friendship search or in projects and communities, people come together across generations with us.
In dating, however, we see on average some differences between age groups:
- Younger people are on average more open to non-monogamous relationship models; in older people, the monogamy orientation is stronger.
Nevertheless, this should not be overemphasized:
- Openness to non-monogamous models is around 20% among members under 50, and 13% among members over 65.
There are also effects of age on the geographic search radius:
- With increasing age, the geographic search radius grows for all genders. This is related to the stronger interest in independent models and the diminishing desire to start a family.
Additionally, in dating from age 50 and even more strongly in dating from age 60 or dating from age 70, the following is more frequently sought:
- Relationship as travel – traveling together, places of residence becoming less important.
Gender Ratio, Demographics, and Dating with Increasing Age
Due to higher life expectancy, there are relatively more female singles and fewer male singles with increasing age. This actually already applies to dating from age 50, and increases further with dating 60+ and dating 70+.
The predominance of female singles is reinforced by the fact that men search again more quickly after loss and search more generously geographically.
So there are more single women than single men with increasing age, which incidentally is also related to women’s higher life expectancy.
Nevertheless, it does not follow that dating for women becomes increasingly difficult or even pointless with age: Statistically, it takes longer on average, but over time, finding a partner remains possible because new people are constantly starting.
Strategies for acceleration:
- Search across regions (two out of three relationships develop over greater distances), focus on central content features and be flexible on other aspects, and make first messages a habit.
Attitudes Toward Age in Online Dating: Youthfulness, Stereotypes, Eroticism
In online dating, there is a tendency to deny one’s own age; many perceive themselves as younger. This begins already with dating from age 50 (dating 50+) and increases further with age.
Qualitative analyses of the external presentation of dating platforms for older singles even show that even where it concerns older singles, “old people” are often absent in advertising!
Many emphasize in their profile how young they have remained. This is sometimes explained as internalized age-negative attitudes, sometimes as a reaction to stereotypes.
Studies also show that many younger people consider older people to be asexual or react negatively to the idea that old people have sex.
In reality, the majority of older people also value satisfying eroticism. The emphasis on one’s own youthfulness therefore need not be understood as age-negativity, but can also be understood as a constructive refusal of socially ascribed limitations.
Closeness, Distance, Age, and Independence
Closeness and distance, relatedness and independence shape romantic relationships. These dimensions are partly styles that can change (living together or separately, seeing each other a lot or a little, more We or more I). On the other hand, they often express profound inner needs. If needs are incompatible, satisfaction is difficult to achieve, even if adaptation can maintain the relationship. Great happiness rarely occurs then.
External factors affect relationship design:
- Desire for children, financial constraints, social expectations of marriage.
With increasing age and already noticeably visible in dating from age 50 (dating 50plus), factors can drop out:
- Desire for children recedes, marriage expectations decrease, life situations are established.
This can facilitate independence, but can also be burdensome if the need for closeness is high and, for example, adult children reject a second marriage.
In addition, new factors come into play that become more conscious from age 50:
- Illnesses, fear of needing care. Preferences can come closer to inner needs or override needs and create ambivalence (e.g., need for closeness but fear of caregiver role).
In studies, five further patterns for dating from age 50 and relationship design in middle and increasing age were identified:
- Shared sociability as a couple: Sociability, interests, connectedness; low emphasis on physical-sexual aspects; little influence from children/relatives; partner should be single before starting; no pronounced desire to marry.
- Stable bond and care: Permanence, mutual care; most willingness to marry; low importance of sexual-physical aspects; daily meetings less important; inclusion of financial, health, religious aspects; demarcation from influences of children/relatives.
- Sexual-romantic encounter: Strong emphasis on sexuality and tenderness (kissing, hand in hand); partnership as a way against loneliness; no value on knowing each other beforehand; no desire to marry; little influence from social environment; relatively high willingness for a relationship with a non-single person.
- Environment-dependent and ambivalent: Partnership against loneliness, but strongly influenced by family/friends; partnership as a risk; consideration of mutual health; partner choice preferably through environment; long-distance relationship as a less interfering option.
- Bond in mutual independence: Clear two-person relationship between unbound people at the time of meeting; greatest value on economic and physical independence; no sharing of living expenses; daily contact not necessary; low importance of shared family activities; openness to expanding social network; consider health/age; marriage rather rejected; sexuality less weighted than shared interests.
Commonality of All Couples: Meaning, Camaraderie, Everyday Life – And Health as a Reality Factor
Across all differences, shared interests and hobbies, mutual camaraderie unite couples. Regardless of the role played by eroticism, physicality, distance, contact frequency, independence, or social environment, it is about living interests as a couple, experiencing meaning, building relatedness and camaraderie, and leading a worthwhile life together.
Another aspect becomes more visible already in dating from age 50 and then increases:
- Consider mutual health. With increasing age, health and the management of possible impairments become more relevant. Looking away is usually the worst path. Central here is also a shared active life, healthy nutrition. With increasing age, singles become more aware that these questions also play a role in dating.
The idea that we do not need sex as we age is completely wrong. For some, its importance decreases; others experience sex and physical tenderness as just as important as before. Its importance can even increase. Sexuality is more than sexual intercourse and by no means has to fail due to possible sexual dysfunctions.
With increasing age and already typically shaping dating from age 50 is the desire for independence, precisely because we have built things up and sometimes lived too long according to societal role expectations.
On a mature and mutual basis, independence does not stand in the way of deep love. The value of such a union of independence and connectedness increases in dating from age 50.
Compatibility as a Basis: Finding a Partner Instead of Choosing a Partner – And Why “More Suggestions” Is Not a Recipe for Success
The term “partner choice” has a reifying aftertaste (partner market, presentations, evaluating, selecting).
Many ask in market-technical terms:
- “How many men aged 53–62 in Tübingen do you have?”
This is understandable as a calculation. However, “finding a partner” is more appropriate:
- If it is about as many candidates as possible in a city, the chances at Consonance are poor because our algorithm does not maximize profiles but reduces them through matching and does not bring opposing search motives together “in mass.” If it is about meeting a person one day with whom a relationship develops, the chances are good.
The supply-demand metaphor often leads to miscalculations in old age: fewer members → suggestions → supposedly fewer chances. Up to “more suggestions,” the calculation is logical. The fallacy is that “more chances” should follow from this.
Partner search does not require many choices, but finding one single person. The larger the selection, the more easily this person can be overlooked. If billions of users on dating apps automatically led to partner happiness, most singles would have been taken care of long ago. In fact, dating apps often entertain with selection while many remain without a partner.
Already in dating from age 50, the selection is smaller. Most are already in relationships, others do not want to be in a relationship again, and then from a woman’s perspective there are simply far fewer single men.
But in reality, it is not about selection at all. This is one of the biggest misunderstandings. In dating at all ages, it is only about one person entering life one day with whom a happy relationship begins.
The positive message is:
- With increasing age, the apparent “selection” becomes smaller especially for women, but finding that one person is just as likely. The difference is that older singles on average do more with fewer suggestions.
Finding a partner is a rare event, but it typically occurs when we are ready for a relationship, go through the world with open eyes, and recognize and seize the opportunity online or offline when it arises.
Dating from Age 50 Has Every Chance
Dating from age 50 and dating 50+ (50plus) is a central focus of our activity at Consonance, simply because the average age of singles searching with us is 50 years.
And indeed, there are some special features that come slightly more into focus in dating from age 50 and then remain or increase further with increasing age.
Dating 50+ is often a life phase with high reflection, with a focus on the compatibility of life models, maintaining independence while staying connected, and the realistic inclusion of health, including a shared health-conscious life. Dating 60+ follows the same basic principles.
At the same time, the commonalities of all age groups outweigh the differences:
- The desire for love, connection, togetherness, and value compatibility characterizes all dating members at Consonance.
Valuable romantic relationships can develop throughout life. There is no age at which this becomes impossible.
At Consonance, we will use our best efforts to lead your dating to success:
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