Why Regional Online Dating Often Misses the Mark – and What Works Better
At Consonance (Gleichklang), our members seeking a partner can narrow their search regionally if they wish, with options to filter by continent, country, federal state, or alternatively by kilometer distance from their place of residence. On this page about regional search, we provide information on the basic principles of effective dating and the importance of region.
We offer this regional partner search because participants in online dating today are hardly willing to forego regional restrictions. Many even believe that regional search is the central component of effective online dating.
Although we accommodate these wishes of our members, we advise separating partner search from regional restrictions, and we do not offer online dating using geodata. This has content-related psychological reasons, which are addressed first in this article, and it also has content-related platform-specific reasons that pertain specifically to Consonance (Gleichklang) and are explained afterward.
To actually move from partner search to finding a partner, we recommend that you read this article in its entirety, because it dispels one of the great myths about effective dating and partner search. Perhaps you will be rewarded with a happy relationship.
Content-Related Psychological Reasons Against Regionalizing Online Dating
Geodata in Modern Online Dating Apps
Modern dating apps have popularized partner search based on geodata. Profiles are shown in immediate proximity. For quite a few, even 10 kilometers is too much, and 50 kilometers seem insurmountable.
But the advantage of convenience for our partner search comes at a price: While the opportunities for contact through dating apps explode, the single rates also rise. And most of those affected wish for a relationship.
Findings on Distance and Familiarity
A comprehensive new psychological study shows that satisfaction with relationships that arise through modern online dating systems is lower than that of relationships formed offline. However, there is a particularly noteworthy finding in this study: The initial distance itself predicts a higher degree of familiarity.
The findings may seem surprising, but psychologically they are not: The convenience of geodata and searching best right next door leads to a loss of commitment and willingness to bond. Superficial proximity is rated as more valuable than genuine compatibility. The problem: The singles seeking a partner do not even notice this. They believe they are looking for a partnership, while in reality this undermines their willingness to commit.
Consonance Evaluations on Initial Distance
We see similar findings directly in our evaluations at Consonance (Gleichklang): The initial distance between couples who met at Consonance does not predict whether these couples have moved in together after two years, whether they are happy, and whether they stay together. Couples whose relationship began in close proximity do not differ from couples who lived farther apart on any of these parameters, and this holds true up to distances of more than 1000 kilometers.
The focus on local proximity is absolutely understandable, but it overlooks an important aspect of romantic love relationships: Love, when it is genuine, and compatibility that binds us, prevails against obstacles – and also against distances. This applies even to initial distance, with many Consonance members willing to relocate. However, it even applies to long-distance relationships.
Long-Distance Relationships
A now comprehensive international body of research shows that long-distance relationships are essentially as happy and stable as relationships conducted in close proximity. Some studies even point to advantages of long-distance relationships. Less time is spent directly together, but that time has higher quality, and everyday life is not increasingly constrained by small-scale routine activities and disputes that have little interpersonal significance. Erotic tension may also be more likely to be maintained.
Online dating and partner search that predominantly limits the search to one place, one city, or one federal state often mistakenly believe this is the best way to find a partner. In reality, however, such an approach often leads to suboptimal relationships that ultimately are not very happy.
Coaching Experiences
Our co-founder and psychologist Dr. Guido F. Gebauer also repeatedly experiences this in coaching with clients: Suddenly, they consider focusing on a new, actually less suitable contact because the other, truly suitable contact is farther away. Such convenience considerations are often not even noticed or reflected upon by those involved. Only when they are pointed out do they realize that they have set aside content criteria and prioritized formal convenience criteria in their search for love.
Indeed, modern dating systems with their focus on geodata undermine the romantic and bonding character of love. Love finds ways when people come together who can build compatibility with each other and feel attracted to one another.
Geodata, Regional Restrictions, and the Difficulty of Sustainable Relationships
At the same time, the focus on geodata, regional restrictions, and searches by city and federal state overlooks how difficult it actually is to find, build, and maintain a sustainable love relationship: The rising single rates during the boom of dating apps, which have taken the world by storm, are the first warning. The second red flag is growing breakup rates. In fact, according to research by Stanford sociologist Rosenfeld, about 70% of all newly beginning relationships dissolve within the first year. The majority of all marriages also end in divorce one day. So it is by no means an easy undertaking to find the right person.
However, dating apps give users the impression that partner search is fun, that it is associated with entertainment, distraction, and excitement. They offer highly gamified systems that, without users realizing it, replace the actual goal of finding a partner with the goal of obtaining short-term rewards, such as attractive profiles or a new match, yet these short-term rewards not only do not lead to finding a partner but actually lead away from it.
This also includes the emerging multi-tracking, so that over time, as studies show, a weighing attitude develops, and with the hope of an even better future profile, the transition into sustainable relationships does not succeed.
Online Dating as a Rare Event
Finding a partner is actually not a process that builds continuously, but a rare event, which nonetheless usually occurs at some point if we create the conditions for it. Unfortunately, modern dating systems are designed to undermine these conditions, and the focus on geodata contributes to that.
Especially in middle and older age, we have already lived a good part of our lives and built our identity. We are no longer quick to give up everything, but instead we wish all the more for people by our side with whom we can certainly grow, but who also show a breadth of overlap with the basic parameters of our own person, development, and life situation.
The fact that even in middle and older age, many people who are active in clubs, have a large social circle, or, when we consider older age, live in senior residences, remain single, makes it clear that proximity alone is far from an effective matchmaker. Getting to know a suitable person who, at that moment, is ready for a relationship and feels attracted to me as I do to them, is no easy task. As a result, even highly networked people often remain without a partner.
Special Features of Consonance Regarding Regional Online Dating
Consonance (Gleichklang) is a dating platform that fundamentally differs in its structure and philosophy from all other dating systems in the German-speaking region: At Consonance, there is no gamification, no short-term rewards, no systems that maximize multi-tracking and profit from it, no shift of goals away from finding a partner and toward matches.
Instead, at the center is a psychological matchmaking approach developed and continuously refined over 20 years, which is exclusively aimed at maximizing the chance that sustainable relationships, friendships, and communities develop among our members.
Alongside this psychological focus on relationship formation, a second focus of Consonance is the orientation toward people with a high environmental and climate awareness, who also want to make this world a little better together in their relationships.
Both characteristics – maximizing the seriousness of the relationship search and ecological-social orientations – mean that the Consonance community is a small dating platform and will necessarily remain so.
Suggestions at Consonance
A suggestion at Consonance is therefore something completely different than a profile on a dating app, where we can sign up in 2–3 minutes or less and immediately scroll through countless profiles in a free account.
At Consonance, all members take the time to fill out extensive questionnaires, and everyone pays a membership fee that renews annually. Thus, at Consonance, a completely different group of people gathers in terms of seriousness of relationship desire and basic social orientation than on dating apps or comparable dating systems.
Conversely, this naturally leads to the average geographical proximity between suitable members decreasing. Because the Consonance members who are seriously seeking relationships and are ecologically and socially engaged are distributed across all of Germany, Austria, and Switzerland.
At Consonance, you are highly likely to find a person with whom you can have a happy and lasting relationship. But it is unlikely that this person happens to live in your area. Two out of three relationships at Consonance develop from more than 100 kilometers away, and only one in three relationships develops at a smaller initial spatial distance.
Why We Still Offer Regional Online Dating
Why do we still offer regional search? We offer it because many members want to use it, and conversely, we also see in our data that one third of new relationships actually develop in relative proximity to each other.
So if you are really looking for someone nearby, there is also a chance at Consonance, but you should consider the following: You will only occasionally and rarely receive a suggestion; longer waiting times will occur. However, if you take each suggestion seriously and proactively reach out, you can still find a relationship.
However, the main problem with this approach is that many have long internalized the expectations from dating apps and imagine dating as a process with lots of entertainment, chatting, and constant selection. Those who harbor these expectations will probably have already ended their partner search at Consonance by the time the right person comes into their view.
Recommendation for Online Dating
The recommendation we give to our members at Consonance is therefore the following: In your partner search, focus on the truly central content-related characteristics, the fundamental value orientations, the ideas about relationship, and the goals for your life.
In return, however, be maximally flexible with superficial characteristics that say absolutely nothing about whether two people can have a happy relationship together. These superficial characteristics also include geodata, cities, regions, federal states, and even countries.
Trust in the human ability to find solutions and get to know each other, even when the spatial distance is considerable. The best search is the one without regional restrictions, and for this, for example, at Consonance, the search in the entire DACH region – Germany, Austria, and Switzerland – is particularly suitable.
With such an approach, your prospects are best for finding a love relationship at Consonance that will significantly advance your life happiness.
The DACH region for partner search with the most important cities:
Germany
Baden-Württemberg
Online dating in Stuttgart
Online dating in Mannheim
Online dating in Karlsruhe
Online dating in Freiburg
Online dating in Heidelberg
Online dating in Ulm
Online dating in Heilbronn
Online dating in Pforzheim
Online dating in Reutlingen
Bavaria
Online dating in Munich
Online dating in Nuremberg
Online dating in Augsburg
Online dating in Regensburg
Online dating in Würzburg
Online dating in Ingolstadt
Online dating in Fürth
Online dating in Erlangen
Online dating in Bamberg
Online dating in Bayreuth
Berlin
Brandenburg
Online dating in Potsdam
Online dating in Cottbus
Online dating in Brandenburg an der Havel
Online dating in Frankfurt an der Oder
Bremen
Online dating in Bremen
Online dating in Bremerhaven
Hamburg
Hesse
Online dating in Frankfurt am Main
Online dating in Wiesbaden
Online dating in Kassel
Online dating in Darmstadt
Online dating in Offenbach
Online dating in Hanau
Online dating in Gießen
Online dating in Marburg
Online dating in Fulda
Mecklenburg-Western Pomerania
Online dating in Rostock
Online dating in Schwerin
Online dating in Neubrandenburg
Online dating in Stralsund
Online dating in Greifswald
Online dating in Wismar
Lower Saxony
Online dating in Hanover
Online dating in Braunschweig
Online dating in Oldenburg
Online dating in Osnabrück
Online dating in Wolfsburg
Online dating in Göttingen
Online dating in Hildesheim
Online dating in Salzgitter
Online dating in Wilhelmshaven
Online dating in Lüneburg
North Rhine-Westphalia
Online dating in Cologne
Online dating in Düsseldorf
Online dating in Dortmund
Online dating in Essen
Online dating in Duisburg
Online dating in Bochum
Online dating in Wuppertal
Online dating in Bielefeld
Online dating in Bonn
Online dating in Münster
Online dating in Aachen
Online dating in Mönchengladbach
Online dating in Gelsenkirchen
Online dating in Krefeld
Online dating in Oberhausen
Online dating in Hagen
Online dating in Hamm
Online dating in Mülheim an der Ruhr
Online dating in Leverkusen
Online dating in Solingen
Online dating in Herne
Online dating in Neuss
Online dating in Paderborn
Online dating in Recklinghausen
Online dating in Bottrop
Online dating in Bergisch Gladbach
Rhineland-Palatinate
Online dating in Mainz
Online dating in Ludwigshafen
Online dating in Koblenz
Online dating in Trier
Online dating in Kaiserslautern
Online dating in Worms
Online dating in Speyer
Online dating in Neustadt an der Weinstraße
Saarland
Online dating in Saarbrücken
Online dating in Neunkirchen
Online dating in Homburg
Online dating in Völklingen
Online dating in Saarlouis
Saxony
Online dating in Leipzig
Online dating in Dresden
Online dating in Chemnitz
Online dating in Zwickau
Online dating in Plauen
Online dating in Görlitz
Online dating in Freiberg
Saxony-Anhalt
Online dating in Halle
Online dating in Magdeburg
Online dating in Dessau-Roßlau
Online dating in Wittenberg
Online dating in Halberstadt
Online dating in Stendal
Schleswig-Holstein
Online dating in Kiel
Online dating in Lübeck
Online dating in Flensburg
Online dating in Neumünster
Online dating in Norderstedt
Online dating in Elmshorn
Online dating in Pinneberg
Thuringia
Online dating in Erfurt
Online dating in Jena
Online dating in Gera
Online dating in Weimar
Online dating in Gotha
Online dating in Eisenach
Online dating in Nordhausen
Austria
Burgenland
Online dating in Eisenstadt
Carinthia
Online dating in Klagenfurt
Online dating in Villach
Online dating in Wolfsberg
Online dating in Spittal an der Drau
Lower Austria
Online dating in St. Pölten
Online dating in Wiener Neustadt
Online dating in Krems an der Donau
Online dating in Amstetten
Online dating in Baden
Online dating in Mödling
Upper Austria
Online dating in Linz
Online dating in Wels
Online dating in Steyr
Online dating in Leonding
Online dating in Traun
Salzburg
Online dating in Salzburg
Online dating in Hallein
Online dating in Saalfelden
Online dating in Zell am See
Styria
Online dating in Graz
Online dating in Leoben
Online dating in Kapfenberg
Online dating in Bruck an der Mur
Tyrol
Online dating in Innsbruck
Online dating in Kufstein
Online dating in Telfs
Online dating in Schwaz
Online dating in Hall in Tirol
Vorarlberg
Online dating in Dornbirn
Online dating in Feldkirch
Online dating in Bregenz
Online dating in Lustenau
Online dating in Hohenems
Vienna
Online dating in Vienna
Switzerland
Aargau
Online dating in Aarau
Online dating in Baden
Online dating in Wettingen
Online dating in Rheinfelden
Basel-Landschaft
Online dating in Liestal
Online dating in Reinach
Online dating in Allschwil
Basel-Stadt
Online dating in Basel
Bern
Online dating in Bern
Online dating in Biel/Bienne
Online dating in Thun
Online dating in Köniz
Online dating in Burgdorf
Freiburg
Online dating in Freiburg
Online dating in Bulle
Geneva
Online dating in Geneva
Online dating in Vernier
Online dating in Lancy
Online dating in Meyrin
Graubünden
Online dating in Chur
Online dating in Davos
Online dating in St. Moritz
Lucerne
Online dating in Lucerne
Online dating in Emmen
Online dating in Kriens
Neuchâtel
Online dating in Neuchâtel
Online dating in La Chaux-de-Fonds
Schaffhausen
Online dating in Schaffhausen
Schwyz
Online dating in Schwyz
Online dating in Freienbach
Solothurn
Online dating in Solothurn
Online dating in Olten
Online dating in Grenchen
St. Gallen
Online dating in St. Gallen
Online dating in Rapperswil-Jona
Online dating in Wil
Ticino
Online dating in Lugano
Online dating in Bellinzona
Online dating in Locarno
Thurgau
Online dating in Frauenfeld
Online dating in Kreuzlingen
Online dating in Arbon
Vaud
Online dating in Lausanne
Online dating in Yverdon-les-Bains
Online dating in Montreux
Online dating in Nyon
Valais
Online dating in Sion
Online dating in Martigny
Online dating in Brig-Glis
Zug
Online dating in Zug
Online dating in Baar
Zürich
Online dating in Zurich
Online dating in Winterthur
Online dating in Uster
Online dating in Dübendorf
Online dating in Wetzikon
Online dating in Dietikon
Online dating in Horgen
Online dating in Bülach
Summary of Regional Online Dating at Consonance (Gleichklang)
At Consonance (Gleichklang), we maximize the chance for our members to find happy, stable, and deep interpersonal relationships – partnerships, friendships, and communities.
Restricting the search regionally works against the matchmaking logic, so we advise against regional restrictions.
However, you also have chances for finding a relationship with regional restrictions if you have the patience to keep waiting and at the same time show initiative to contact the suggested people.
Become a member at Consonance now, so we can make your relationship search a success:
