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Queer Online Dating and Queer Partner Search at Consonance (Gleichklang)

Consonance has been the leading psychologically oriented dating platform for a queer partner search for 20 years.

With the help of our matchmaking and friendship search services, which are focused on acceptance, appreciation, and psychological compatibility, we make the relationship desires of our queer members a success:

See for yourself and join in: ➨ SIGN UP NOW!

Queer Partner Search and Queer Identities

Below, you can read a great deal about queer identities and the queer partner search. We would like to preface this article with a quote from Carolin Emcvampike from her book “Wie wir begehren” (How We Desire). We came across this quote on the internet through the master’s thesis by Daniela Maier. This thesis has the instructive title “On the Problematics of Monogamy – A Philosophical Investigation of the Concept of Monogamy” and is, by the way, worth reading.

“We slip into them like pieces of clothing, pull them over us because they are laid out for us, because they are put over us, because they adapt or because we, unnoticed, adapt.

Norms only become apparent as norms when we do not conform to them, when we do not fit in, whether we want to or not.

Anyone with white skin finds the category of skin color irrelevant because in the life of a white person in the Western world, skin color is irrelevant.

Anyone who is heterosexual finds the category of sexual orientation irrelevant because one’s own sexual orientation can be irrelevant in the life of a heterosexual person.

Anyone who possesses a body in which they recognize themselves finds the category of gender self-evident because this body is never questioned.

Those who conform to the norms can afford to doubt that they exist.”

This quote illustrates much of what goes on internally in those who deny, devalue, or ridicule other gender identities, labeling them as bizarre groups.

It should be added that gender identities beyond the binary norm do not always have to be based on dysphoria with one’s own physical characteristics:

  • Individuals with other identities can feel just as comfortable in their bodies. Conversely, people who experience themselves as binary women or men can feel uncomfortable in their bodies.

This text is about queer identities and their integration into processes of dating, partner search, erotic search, friendship search, and social networking.

As a dating platform, this topic is close to our hearts:

  • After all, it is our task to advance the online dating of all our members. At the same time, love often takes paths that do not conform to the – admittedly also changing – majority norms. As a psychologically sound and socially engaged dating platform, it is therefore both our task and a matter close to our hearts to promote and bring to success the queer partner search of our members in all its nuances.

What Is Queer?

Queer means all those who are different, unusual, or strange. It is a term originally understood negatively, which gained a positive meaning through its adoption as a self-designation.

Queer as a community is an alliance of these different people. Their commonality is that they experience diversity as a core feature of their queer connectedness.

Queer as a self-designation arose as a resistance against the dominant heteronormativity, which claims:

  • People are heterosexual men and women. Others do not exist, are to be sanctioned, or at least pitied.

Those who consider themselves queer are those who lie outside this heteronormativity. This includes individuals who do not identify or do not clearly identify as male or female. Genderqueer includes all those who move beyond the binary concepts of gender as man and woman. Or those who are not or not clearly heterosexual. But it also includes all those who identify with the queer community.

So it also includes heterosexual men and women who are committed to the emancipation and equal rights of all.

Queer also means a commitment to equality. However, this equality does not arise from heteronormativity, but from diversity:

  • Because as humans, we are all equally diverse and equal, we are actually all queer.

Quick Overview of Queer Concepts Using Familiar Abbreviations

LGB is the traditional abbreviation that queer people long used for themselves:

  • Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual.

However, further queer identities were discovered and articulated.

So soon LGB became LGBT+ to also include transsexual or transgender people (Transgender).

From this, in turn, became LGBTQ+, which stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer.

When intersex individuals articulated themselves, LGBTQI emerged. From this, with asexual emancipation, emerged LGBTQIA+; i.e., lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual.

The final + or a * symbolizes and acknowledges that further groups are included and welcome.

In German-speaking contexts, LGBATIQQP+ is also used, which stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, asexual, trans, inter, queer, questioning, and pansexual, again with an expanding plus.

Some find the ever-lengthening abbreviations peculiar. But they are an expression of the psychological reality of diversity and a will for societal emancipation, liberation, and recognition.

Of course, the field of human sexuality, love, and gender identity is far more multifaceted than can be fully reflected in these abbreviations.

But abbreviations cannot become infinitely longer for pragmatic and memory-psychological reasons:

  • Therefore, queer can be understood as the umbrella term for the entire spectrum of diversity of human identities. The symbols + and * make it clear that those who perhaps have not previously understood themselves as queer are also included.

Diversity and Inclusion at Consonance

  • Diversity and inclusion are important to us as an alternative dating community:
  • We see ourselves as a queer dating platform, where the majority of members (about 80%) experience themselves predominantly as men or women and as heterosexual.
  • In contrast, every fifth member exhibits queer characteristics of gender identity, sexual orientation, or romantic identity.
  • However, if acceptance and affirmation of the queer perspective are used as criteria, then the majority of our members are queer.

Through queer options in matchmaking and online dating, we want to offer members with all queer sexual and gender orientations high chances of a successful partner search. The same applies to other social networking, including friendships, projects, communities, leisure activities, professional collaborations, but also erotic connections.

Queer Diversity

But what are the gender identities, sexual and romantic orientations that can be classified as queer?

The following describes queer diversity based on the presentations on the websites of the Gender Wiki, the LGBTQIA Wiki, and the Queer Lexicon.

These web projects contain a comprehensive listing of queer terms for sexual, gender, and romantic orientation, on which this article draws.

We take up these terms from a dating perspective and also introduce some new terms:

  • How can partner search, friendship search, erotic search, and social networking be made possible in any desired form for this queer diversity?

Accordingly, the terms are not only presented, but the dating implications are also shown:

  • How can this diversity be handled in the search for a partner, erotic contacts, or friends?

In presenting the basic queer concepts, the article begins with gender identities, then explains sexual and romantic orientation.

Sexual orientations are easier to understand if gender identities have been introduced beforehand. Romantic orientations, in turn, are also easier to understand if sexual orientations have been presented first.

However, there are many overlaps between the sections. After all, in psychological reality, gender identities, sexual and romantic orientations are connected in diverse and individual ways.

This can extend to terms and experiences such as Girlfag (gay women) or Guydyke (lesbian men). These can only be presented and understood as an interplay of gender identity, as well as sexual and romantic orientation.

The focus of the presentation and of our dating platform as a whole is not on the question of how high the respective proportions of certain characteristics are in the general population. We do not primarily want to support a majority or, conversely, a minority. Rather, in online dating, we focus on each individual person with their individual characteristics and search preferences.

Therefore, we discuss more common characteristics just as much as rarer or even unusual characteristics, and we devote just as many resources, for example, to the partner search for Guydykes or the partner search for Girlfags as for other, more frequent groups.

A table of contents makes reading this very long article easier. In each section, there are links back to the table of contents, which should further facilitate reading the text.

Suggestions from Readers

As a psychological dating platform, we are interested in the feedback from our readers. This applies in particular to the area of gender identities, sexual orientations, romantic orientations, and their consideration in online partner search. We expressly welcome your feedback.

Table of Contents with Jump Links

Queer Gender Identities

Within the queer community, there has been an intensive engagement with gender identities:

  • When people begin to reflect on their gender identity, they can sometimes discover a greater diversity than is provided for in the classical binary model. Correspondingly large is the number of terms. The large number of terms should be understood as an appreciation of diversity and individuality.
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Binary Identification as Woman or Man

The majority of people define themselves according to the binary view as man or woman. This also applies to the vast majority of Consonance members:

  • Within the binary spectrum, however, some people experience themselves as more or less feminine or masculine or androgynous, combining both characteristics in themselves.
  • This, in turn, can also be accompanied by search preferences, so that more feminine or masculine women or men are preferred.

For a long time, the behavioral sciences, such as psychology, had fairly clear ideas about male and female characteristics. Numerous differences in cognitive skills were reported.

However, more recent studies show that these differences, for example in spatial thinking, are very heterogeneous, sometimes test-specific, and have also decreased over the decades. Also revealing are investigations into information and communication technology (ICT), which refers to the ability to learn using digital devices and applications. Here, girls perform better than boys, but these differences decrease from elementary school to later school types and they are also overall small.

Somewhat stronger and more stable seem to be the average advantages of women over men in reading and writing. But even in reading, the differences only reach a small to moderate and in writing a moderate strength. A recent meta-analytic review in the USA also found only rather small to at most moderate differences between girls and boys in reading and writing in favor of girls. These increase in the first years of schooling and then remain constant.

Psychologist Hyde, in her Gender Similarity Hypothesis, came to the conclusion that there are average differences between men and women depending on the area. However, the similarity is paramount. Gender differences should not be exaggerated. Men and women are more similar than they are different.

This assessment has withstood the last 15 years:

  • The overlap between men and women is so large in all areas. The main differences lie between individuals and not between genders.
  • Attempts to exaggerate differences between men and women to justify assigned role differences or even to ground them biologically are pseudoscientific. There are no or highly fluid distinctions, which have also become even more fluid overall in recent decades.
  • The large overlap reduces the significance of gender as a binary construct (woman or man). This also applies to cases where those concerned agree with the binary assignment.
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Non-Binary Identifications

In addition to the binary terms woman and man, there is a large variety of further differentiations and variants of gender identity:

  • The term non-binary can be understood as a collective term for all those gender identities that cannot be clearly assigned as man or woman according to the binary classification.

In English, there is the word sex, which refers to anatomical or genetic characteristics. There is also the term gender, which refers to socially mediated conclusions, interpretations, and expectations.

So it is by no means a new idea to distinguish between anatomical characteristics or genetics and the conclusions to be drawn or not drawn from them. In German, this is perhaps somewhat less intuitive because of the identical term “Geschlecht,” but it is certainly equally possible and necessary:

  • The fact that there is a difference between anatomical characteristics or genetics and social interaction and one’s own identification is simply a psychological fact. Those who deny this either do not understand the concepts or decide, for ideological reasons, not to acknowledge reality.

Accordingly, even those who examine anatomical or genetic characteristics (or their correlates) do not have the competence to infer from this the internal identification and the significance of gender:

  • Birth doctors can assess the anatomical sex of newborns and thus contribute to a normative assignment of gender. Newborns are then initially treated by their social environment according to this assignment. Which gender these newborns will later have – neither birth doctors nor anyone else can make a statement about that.

What Is Non-Binary?

The non-binary spectrum encompasses areas of neither woman nor man, not quite woman and not quite man, woman and man, as well as not always man, not always woman:

  • The non-binary spectrum thus also transitions into the binary spectrum, which also includes more or less “masculine” or “feminine” women.
  • Unlike these masculinity-femininity variations within the binary spectrum, in the non-binary spectrum, however, there are also additional forms that completely elude the terms “masculine” and “feminine.”
  • In the non-binary spectrum, the fluidity of gender identification also plays a particularly strong role. Individuals identify to varying degrees with different gender concepts at different times. This also applies to the binary spectrum, but is often less noted here.
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Ambiguity of Man and Woman

Through the distinction between sex and gender, the designation “man” and “woman” becomes ambiguous, at least with regard to individual life history:

  • The designation as man and woman contains no information about whether there is a correspondence between one’s own identification and the gender assigned at birth based on anatomical characteristics.
  • However, someone who was assigned to the male or female sex at birth based on anatomy and identifies with it is just as much a man or a woman as a trans man is a man or a trans woman is a woman.

Some people react to this situation with a veritable storm of protest. These protests fail to understand that what follows from anatomical characteristics (or genetics) in terms of social assignment is something different from what the anatomical characteristics or genetics are in themselves:

  • Gender is socially shaped. This is not a fiction but a fact. This is already shown by a look at the laws, according to which, for example, in Germany today, a transgender woman is a woman after changing her gender status. She is just as legally a woman as a woman who has been called a woman since birth based on her anatomy. Because gender is socially defined, this does not contradict anatomy or biology.
  • The fact that the laws on who is to be designated as man or woman differ worldwide also demonstrates the social mediation of gender. If it were otherwise, these differences could not exist.

The terms man and woman are – at least with regard to the individual development of each person – no longer unambiguous. Therefore, the prefix “Cis” is proposed in queer discourse. This can designate men or women who have been regarded as women or men since birth based on their anatomy and continue to identify with this.

There are some, particularly conservative and religious fundamentalist circles, who react with agitated outrage to this prefix. The outrage is, of course, unfounded:

  • The prefix Cis gives men and women who have been called men or women since birth based on their anatomy and who also identify with this, the opportunity to express this. They can do this if they wish.
  • Unlike a cis woman or a cis man, a trans man or a trans woman is a man or a woman who was assigned a different sex at birth based on anatomical characteristics than the one with which he or she (now) identifies. A trans man was thus called a woman at birth, but identifies as a man. A trans woman, who was called a man at birth, identifies as a woman.
  • With the prefix “Trans,” a trans woman or a trans man now has the opportunity to express this if they wish.
  • If they do not wish to express this, cis women, trans women, cis men, and cis women can, of course, continue to refer to themselves only as women or men.

To complicate matters further, there are people with transgender identity who identify as binary men or women, while other transgender individuals experience themselves as non-binary male or non-binary female:

  • The designation as man or woman emphasizes the importance of psychological identification with the male or female sex. The assignment at birth based on anatomy was often experienced as “being in the wrong body” and those concerned clearly experience themselves as the oppositional sex with which they identify.
  • The designation as non-binary focuses on the remaining difference that an assignment as man or woman occurred at birth (or before) that does not correspond to the current identification. So it is a difference in biographical development that is reflected in the current self-designation. But it can also be an additional difference in experience.

The corresponding classification remains, from a queer perspective, up to the individual persons. At Consonance, we therefore leave it to the individual transgender persons themselves whether they identify as man, woman, or non-binary for their partner search, though they can specify the latter further by indicating male or female.

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Variants of Non-Binarity

Intersexuality as Mostly Non-Binary

Intersex individuals have sexual characteristics at birth that do not allow them to be clearly identified as male or female in gender assignment. Importantly, intersexuality is defined here by the presence at birth of bodily sexual characteristics that are not clearly identifiable as male or female.

This distinguishes intersexuality from androgyny or intergender, which concern the simultaneous presence of psychological male and female characteristics or standing between genders, where psychological characteristic refers to identification.

  • In the past, intersex individuals routinely underwent surgical procedures after birth to create a binary appearance as man or woman. In the meantime, the German Federal Constitutional Court has put a stop to this practice. Only operations required for health reasons may now be performed.

Intersex individuals can identify with a binary gender as man or woman, which the long-standing routine surgeries aimed for. With the increasing articulation and visibility of intersex people, as well as the end of external determination through early surgeries, the developmental direction points towards more intersex individuals no longer seeing themselves as binary but identifying as non-binary.

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Demigirls and Demiboys

Individuals who identify as Demigirl or Demiboy classify themselves as belonging to the non-binary spectrum:

  • These are persons who identify only partially as woman or man and thus stand in a certain way between the genders, without fluctuating between them. In English, the word boy or girl has no reference to age, whereas in German it can be misunderstood as an expression of young age. However, this is not intended by the terms.
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Agender Spectrum

Another spectrum of gender identities is covered by Agender, which includes genderless, gender-neutral, and Neutrois as largely overlapping designations:

  • However, there can be subtle differences within the Agender spectrum regarding whether Agender is perceived as an “absence of a gender” or as neutral. For some who perceive their Agender as an absence of a gender, this may even be experienced as a deficit, which is typically not the case for individuals who see themselves as gender-neutral.
  • Conversely, it is suggested that Neutrois also want to show their gender neutrality more outwardly than would typically be the case in the general Agender area. Accordingly, Neutrois experience showing gender characteristics as unpleasant and place value on being perceived as neutral.
  • In any case, Neutrois are classified within the Agender spectrum. Agender correspondingly means, across the board, that those concerned do not identify with any gender. They perceive themselves as people who do not need any gender characteristics for their identification, for whom such identification is not possible, or from whom such identification is not desired.

For these and the following identities, by the way, it is true that not all define themselves as non-binary from their own perspective. Some see themselves more as suspending the boundaries of gender. Nevertheless, they are predominantly designated as non-binary in the sense of distinguishing themselves from the binary categories.

Since all boundaries are fluid, there is also a gray area in the Agender spectrum, which is referred to as Libragender:

  • For libragender individuals, the male or female gender plays a far lesser role than it does for most people. Identification as male or female correspondingly also plays a much lesser role for Libragender than, for example, for Demiboys or Demigirls. Libragender individuals are therefore seen in the Agender area.
  • However, libragender individuals still feel attracted to a gender to a small degree. In relation to male and female, they usually lean slightly more toward one than the other attribute. Libragender individuals thus stand between the genders with a high proximity to Agender. Librafeminine individuals are somewhat closer to the female side and libramasculine individuals are somewhat closer to the male side.
  • Libramasculinity thus resembles a Demiboy and librafemininity a Demigirl, but unlike Demiboy and Demigirl, Libragender individuals feel considerably closer to the Agender side, meaning the identification with male or female is far weaker.

So far, gender identification has been presented as something rather static, referring to a single concept of gender identity.

Persons would accordingly be cis men, cis women, trans men who classify themselves as binary or non-binary, trans women who classify themselves as binary or non-binary, intersex individuals who are non-binary, non-binary Demigirls (more commonly known by the English term demigirl), non-binary Demiboys (more commonly known by the English term demiboy), typically seen as non-binary Agender, gender-neutral individuals, Neutrois, or individuals with Libragender in the sense of librafeminine or libramasculine identification.

Only cis men, cis women, and some trans men and trans women will classify themselves as binary; all others are non-binary, provided that this also includes individuals who encompass genders as categories.

In reality, the non-binary spectrum is even more complex when considering the possibilities of fluidity and identification, as discussed below.

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Polygender Identities

Another aspect in the queer spectrum of gender identity is that different identifications can also occur simultaneously or at different times, with such complex identifications referred to as Multigender or Polygender.

In the area of Multigender and Polygender, a distinction is made between Bigender, Trigender, and Pangender:

  • A Bigender identity includes the so-called Two-Spirits. These are individuals who identify both as a man and as a woman, with the possibility of a situational and temporary change between genders, unlike androgynous individuals.
  • The term Two Spirit originally refers to the third gender among Native American inhabitants, but Bigender has been generalized from this usage.

Thus, Bigender does not necessarily have to refer to man and woman; for example, it could equally well be that someone identifies as Demigirl and Demiboy. Both can happen at the same time, but also in a fluctuating manner.

Another subtle possibility is that a transgender person identifies as a binary transgender woman and as a non-binary transgender person. Such a dual identification is psychologically coherent:

  • On the one hand, the strong identification as a woman, which is seen as binary in society; on the other hand, the identification with a queer deviation from the binary norm, which also characterizes one’s own person.

Trigender is another form of Polygender, in which a person has three gender identifications at the same time or at different times. Three or two identifications can occur at the same time, and the identifications can also change situationally and temporarily. An example would be a person who experiences themselves as a man and a woman, but also as gender-neutral.

The number of genders can increase further, so it is called Multigender. Pangender, in turn, refers to individuals who can identify with all possible gender identifications, for which the term Omnigender can also be used.

Rae McDaniel points out that Pangender means the expansion of one’s own freedom by making all gender characteristics and associated options for action available to a single person.

The various forms of Polygender have already revealed another possible aspect of gender identity:

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Gender Fluidity

Gender fluidity is understood to mean that there can be one or several primary or dominant gender identifications, but the gender identity nevertheless remains open to other concepts, from which temporary and situational further or different identifications can arise.

Within the framework of gender fluidity, some “typical” fluidity directions can be distinguished:

  • Thus, individuals are referred to as Genderfae who exhibit gender fluidity but never identify with the male gender. An example of Genderfae would be a transgender woman who never identifies as a man, but whose gender identification, in addition to the primary identification as a binary woman, can also include identification as a non-binary Demigirl.
  • Genderfaun, conversely, are individuals who are gender-fluid but never identify with the female gender.
  • Genderflor refers to individuals whose gender fluidity never includes the two binary categories of woman and man. A non-binary libramasculine individual who is also open to complete gender neutrality would be an example of Genderflor.

Fluidity usually involves a basic orientation (however characterized) being present, but it is open. As fluidity increases, this basic orientation can ultimately recede to the point of unrecognizability. All that remains can then be fluidity itself.

Fluidity is therefore to be understood as a spectrum:

  • • This spectrum ranges from a “masculine man” who occasionally discovers the Demiboy within himself – to a highly fluid constellation that has no “default state” of gender identification.

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Genderflux

A form of gender fluidity is Genderflux, characterized by a strong variability in the intensity of that gender identity within a gender identity:

  • For example, a person may experience themselves at different times as a man, Demiboy, and libramasculine to Agender. Or a person experiences themselves at different times as a woman, Demigirl, and librafeminine to Agender.
  • In the Agender state, almost nothing (barely perceptible) of the male or female identity would remain, while the intensity of the male or female identity increases through the levels libramasculine/librafeminine, Demiboy/Demigirl, and man/woman.

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Fluidflux

Another form of fluidity is Fluidflux, where a person stands between two or more genders and the intensity of gender identification fluctuates:

  • An intersex person or an intergender person, for example, can stand between man and woman, with the intensity fluctuating so that they experience themselves sometimes more male (man, Demiboy, libramasculine) and sometimes more female (woman, Demigirl, librafeminine).

When gender identity fluidity becomes an important characteristic of gender identity (“I am genderfluid”), gender fluidity itself becomes the gender identity.

Depending on the direction of fluidity, “types” can be identified:

  • • Agenderflux is used when a gender identity fluctuates between Agender, Libragender, and Demigender.
  • The same range of fluctuation can also occur with Libraflux, where the starting point is Libragender and this can now fluctuate in both directions toward Agender or Demigender.
  • A binary flux, in turn, occurs when, among other things, a person perceives themselves as a woman, but this identification can fluctuate to Demigirl or even librafeminine.
  • A non-binary flux exists when a non-binary identifying person (e.g., Demiboy) can fluctuate toward a binary identification (man) or an Agender identification.

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Special Case Xenogender

Xenogender is a controversial non-binary category that can cause bewilderment or rejection. The basic idea of Xenogender is that it is a gender that starts from completely different categories than those typically assumed for gender identification:

  • Thus, people can identify with mythical creatures, dragons, vampires, with animals, plants, but also with abstract ideas, beliefs, or lifestyles and experience these as their gender.

Neurogender can also be assigned to Xenogender:

  • People with special neurological characteristics that shape their experience, such as autistics, or also individuals with ADHD, can experience their particularities as a gender in the sense of identification with their neurological characteristics as an expression of a gender.

Christine McAuliffe, Reubs J. Walsh, and Eilidh Cage (2021) conducted interviews with autistics and qualitatively evaluated them regarding identity experience and inclusion in the LGBTQIA+ community:

  • The respondents described the search for and identification with their own identity in the LGBTQIA+ community as a lifelong issue. The second major theme was acceptance or lack thereof in the community. Limitations of acceptance did not necessarily have to be intentional but could arise from a lack of understanding of autistic characteristics and the communication of autistics. But the respondents also reported direct exclusion by community members who did not want to accept autistics as part of the LGBTQIA+ community.

It is possible that defining one’s own Neurogender can help autistics and people with other neurological conditions to achieve both a positive identification with themselves and to act confidently within the LGBTQIA+ community.

Whether such a definitional approach will actually be chosen, or whether a separation between identity and gender will prevail, depends largely on those concerned themselves, or on which type of identification enables them to achieve the greatest clarity and acceptance toward themselves and the community.

Further examples of Xenogender are groups such as Otherkin, Therianthropes, or Vampires. On vampirism, Suscitatio Enterprises has presented a comprehensive research project.

Baldwin and Ripley (2020) conducted 24 interviews with individuals who identified as Otherkin (identification with fictional non-human beings, such as elves, dragons, or unicorns), Therianthropes (identification with existing animals, such as wolves, bears, or cats), or Vampires. They concluded that it is a narrative identity constructed from internalized biographical experiences and events, which is also maintained and developed through exchange on the internet.

It becomes clear that these are identifications that, in terms of their formative social and psychological influence, actually have a parallel to a gender identity, but it would also be equally possible to use the term identity without the term gender for this.

What is undisputed about Xenogender is that corresponding identifications occur. The question is merely whether these should be linked to the term gender or can be better viewed as other queer identifications outside the gender concept.

If the term Xenogender were to prevail, other identities typically considered outside the gender concept, such as vegan, ecological, minimalist, could also be understood as gender.

With such a Xenogender as a monogender, the identification as vegan, ecological, or minimalist would correspondingly completely replace the identification as man, woman, or other gender.

Xenogender can be particularly prominently expressed when those concerned do not simultaneously experience themselves as man, woman, or otherwise non-binary. In this case, Xenogender shapes the identity to a particularly clearly recognizable extent in a similar way that being a man or being a woman shapes a cis man or transgender man or a cis woman or transgender woman.

Even though Xenogender is particularly clearly recognizable and understandable when it occurs alone, it can – like all other gender identities – also appear together with other identities as Bigender, Trigender, Multigender, or Omnigender, as well as gender fluidity, Fluidflux, or Genderflux.

The current situation is that the overwhelming majority of vegans, minimalists, and adherents of an ecological lifestyle do not regard their identity in this regard as a gender, although they can still be considered part of the queer community. However, there are also individual persons who experience their vegan, ecological, or minimalist orientation, which may also be linked to sexual and romantic orientations, as a gender.

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Why Should Xenogender Be a Gender?

The experience behind this category is that the individuals in question identify as strongly and generally with criteria beyond typical gender characteristics as, for example, most men do with their male gender or most women with their female gender. If the degree of identification is correspondingly high, it can therefore make sense to use the term Xenogender.

Even though Xenogender can undoubtedly cause bewilderment or even rejection, we should beware of defensive reflexes:

  • What the term makes vividly clear is the high degree of possible identification with characteristics lying outside the traditional gender concept. This identification can be so profound that someone ultimately experiences themselves in the same or similar inner-psychological sense as autistic or vegan as others experience themselves as cis man, cis woman, trans, or intersex.

For a person who identifies exclusively with the Xenogender vegan, the significance of their veganism is correspondingly far more important than, for example, the fact that they were regarded at birth as a woman or man based on their anatomical characteristics. They do not identify with this assignment, but with vegan. Even in the context of sexuality and partnership, the person in question therefore does not identify as a woman or man, but still as vegan (see later explanations on vegansexuality and veganromantic). This applies comparably to other Xenogenders.

The term Xenogender makes it clear once again to an especially high degree that it is by no means necessary to identify with physical or psychological gender characteristics (or stereotypes), but that we humans can also identify in completely different ways, even with fictional beings.

In this sense, Xenogender – precisely because the term meets with rejection – can simultaneously provide cause for reflection and critical engagement with the seemingly natural necessity of gender identification characteristics.

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Overcoming Gender Categories?

The diverse gender identifications clearly show that classifying all people into the binary categories of man and woman is only possible arbitrarily or even violently by forcing everyone into these categories, ignoring diversity, ridiculing other experiences, or otherwise sanctioning them.

At the same time, however, paradoxically, from the diverse types of possible gender identifications and their fluidity, it could be concluded that the concept of gender might perhaps be completely overcome or even should be. Concepts of gender-neutral language point in this direction:

  • In place of the concept of gender, in a gender-overcoming, queer-diverse perspective, could simply come the insight that people are different and experience and behave differently at different times and in different situations, and that all these differences are legitimate as long as they do not undermine the physical or mental health of others and their self-determination.
  • This could eliminate the permanent presence of sex and gender, and it would only be necessary to speak about anatomical sexual characteristics when it is truly necessary, e.g., during a medical examination. Also in addressing people, one could refrain from constantly making it clear which gender a certain person has, especially since this gender may not even be recognizable based on external characteristics, leading to misaddresses.

Precisely the analysis of the great diversity opens up possibilities for a social world beyond the dominance of sex and gender.

The prerequisite for such a world is, of course, that all processes of discrimination are overcome, because otherwise, without the concept of gender, actually existing discrimination (e.g., of persons currently referred to as women or transgender) could no longer be named and would be more difficult to combat.

This applies analogously to the word race. From a biological perspective, there are no human races, since the differences between people with different skin types do not meet the criteria for differentiating races. Nevertheless, it is important to continue naming racism as such, even though there are actually no races:

  • It is undisputed that there are anatomical sexual characteristics or that there are X and Y chromosomes. However, that this must lead to (correlated with anatomical characteristics) social differences between genders and that enormous cultural, religious, or political weight is placed on a person’s gender is by no means naturally given but arises through social convention. This social convention is individually internalized by the fact that children are treated differently from an early age depending on which gender they were externally assigned.
  • But as long as certain genders are discriminated against and disadvantaged, even if all genders are to be overcome, it is necessary to talk about gender and fight against discrimination based on gender. The commitment to equal rights for all genders and the commitment to overcoming gender are therefore not in opposition to each other. Rather, genders will only be able to be overcome when equal rights have already been achieved.

There is agreement in the queer community that equal rights for all genders are sought. Whether genders should be overcome or not, there are differing views on this within the queer community as well.

Currently, conservatives, right-wing populists, and, together with them, abusing feminism, small parts of feminism, are trying to push transgender people out of a number of social areas, such as sports or public restrooms. It is supposedly about the protection of women, which is why transgender women should not compete in sporting events or use women’s restrooms.

A closer look already reveals the absurdity of the arguments:

  • Will women thus feel safer in the future if trans men use their restrooms?
  • What to do if trans women feel unsafe when using male restrooms?

For sports, too, most problems are talked about or created by themselves, e.g., because puberty blockers are to be banned. Also, from transgender women competing with men, it would follow that trans men would then compete with women in the future.

Perhaps the best solution for such (apparent) problems would be to abolish the competitive character of sporting events and no longer view physical-sporting activity as a competition against each other, but as a genuine togetherness.

It is no coincidence that transphobia is almost universal in right-wing circles and also religious fundamentalists – after all, maintaining rigid categories and the exclusion and discrimination emanating from them suits right-wing conservative thinking and its fear of the new.

  • Consonance positions itself as a dating platform against the discrimination of any gender identity and for the full recognition of all gender identities and sexual orientations, as long as the latter refer to sexual acts between consenting and capable sexual partners. Homophobia, biphobia, or transphobia have no place in our dating community.

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Queer Sexual Orientations

Introductory Words on Sexual Orientations

The term sexual orientation is surprisingly far less precisely defined than is often thought.

Only in the heteronormative model does everything seem quite simple:

  • There are two opposing genders that have sex with each other.
  • Sexual orientation is accordingly related to gender and is called heterosexual because it refers to the oppositional gender.

Reality is, of course, different, and so terms like homosexual or bisexual were introduced, which in turn insist on a clear relationship between sexual orientation and gender:

  • Homosexually oriented are those who feel sexually attracted to persons of the same gender. Bisexual are those who feel attracted to men and women.

Because of the close relationship between “gender” and “sexual orientation” in this traditional model, the discovery or articulation of further gender identities could not remain without consequences for sexual orientations either:

  • People can feel attracted to non-binary individuals, which is referred to by the term skoliosexual. But they can also feel sexually attracted only to subgroups of the non-binary spectrum, e.g., to intersex individuals, or to any other possible gender, such as intergender, transgender identity, Demiboy or Demigirl, Libragender, Agender or Xenogender.

Basically, terms like homosexuality, heterosexuality, and bisexuality thus lose their traditional meaning:

  • For example, an intergender person who is sexually interested in intergender individuals would actually be homosexual; if they were interested in Agender, they would already be heterosexual – at least if the different gender identities in the non-binary spectrum are considered separately.
  • But even if all non-binary genders were considered as one gender, a non-binary person would accordingly be homosexual if they are sexually interested only in non-binary individuals, but heterosexual if they are interested in binary women or men.
  • Currently, however, the trend is, despite this problem, to retain the terms homosexual and heterosexual in their traditional sense, while bisexual has already undergone a significant transformation and is developing more toward pansexual in the sense of bi+, or subtypes of bisexuality are distinguished.

The use of the terms is therefore currently not very stringent and partly contradictory.

When basing the relationship between sexual orientation and gender identity, it would actually be more sensible not to emphasize the “same” or “different,” but the gender to which the sexual orientation refers, regardless of one’s own gender:

  • There are such approaches, e.g., in the form of the terms androsexual and gynosexual, which refer to a preference for male (androsexual) and female (gynosexual) identities in the other person. In that sense, a traditionally homosexual man would, for example, be androsexual, just as a traditionally heterosexual woman would also be androsexual.
  • Androgynosexual would, in turn, be a traditionally bisexual person. Although more precise, such approaches have not generally prevailed. Also, androsexual and gynosexual are not necessarily limited to the binary spectrum and could thus also include other forms of femininity and masculinity. To specify this more precisely, designations such as binary androsexual would be possible, from which it would explicitly follow that there is an interest in men whose gender identity is defined in the binary spectrum.

The recognition of the possibility of gender identity fluidity also affects the field of sexual orientations:

  • Thus, sexual orientations can positively relate to gender fluidity and experience it as attractive. Conversely, they can also exclude sexual attraction to individuals with gender fluidity. Likewise, it is possible that only certain forms of gender fluidity are experienced as attractive, but others are not.
  • The situation becomes even more complex because it is now proven that sexual orientations themselves are not static but also exhibit fluidity, can expand or contract, recede or come to the fore. Attempts are being made to do justice to this with new terms such as heteroflexible or homoflexible, which in turn mix traditional and queer perspectives.

It is also unclear what exactly a particular sexual orientation refers to:

  • In the traditional view, primary sexual characteristics would certainly be mentioned, i.e., those characteristics, such as penis or vagina, that are present from birth. Added to this are secondary sexual characteristics, such as typically for cis men: beard growth, body hair, deep voices, or for cis women: breasts and high voices. But also tertiary characteristics, such as differences in body build and usually height, would be mentioned.

Even here, however, the traditional view gets into difficulties, as cis men and cis women also differ considerably individually from each other with regard to the corresponding characteristics. Which characteristics or configurations trigger attraction? A great scope for individuality becomes apparent here.

In reality, however, sexual orientation does not necessarily need to be driven solely by physical characteristics. Everything that constitutes the socially mediated gender, i.e., gender or gender identification, can be added, for example, how people behave, but also, e.g., how they dress.

Sexual orientation can therefore be shaped to varying degrees by a complex interplay of primary, secondary, tertiary, or social sex or gender characteristics.

In its effects, sexual orientation need not be congruent with a person’s anatomical birth sex or gender identification:

  • A heterosexual person can be sexually interested in a transgender person with or without “gender-affirming” measures. Characteristics other than anatomical birth sex can become effective here.
  • A lesbian woman can be interested in a person who identifies as a trans man, even though the latter does not experience themselves as a woman. The trans man’s gender identification is thus not reflected in the lesbian woman’s experience of sexual attraction, who would usually not feel attracted by a cis man.
  • Conversely, it is equally possible for a sexual orientation to be directed exclusively at gender and not at anatomical birth sex or current anatomy:
  • A person might, for example, feel sexually attracted to Demigirls, intergender, or agender individuals, completely regardless of which anatomical birth sex and current anatomy are present.

Sexual orientations can accordingly relate in very variable ways to primary, secondary, and tertiary sexual characteristics, as well as gender identification.

Moreover, it has even become questionable to maintain the relationship between sexual orientation, sexual characteristics, and gender identity:

  • Even though it is a fact that for many, sexual interest is directed at sexual characteristics and/or gender identity, this does not apply to others.

Sexual orientation ultimately expresses nothing other than a particularly strong form of sexual preference or sexual interest. But preferences can refer to completely different aspects than sex or gender:

  • Certain sexual practices, for example, can be experienced as so strongly sexually attractive that they become their own sexual orientation, which can lose any reference to the sex and gender identity of the other person. BDSM is an example of a sexual orientation that refers to practices and not to genders or gender identities.
  • People can also experience persons as sexually attractive based on characteristics that no longer have anything to do with classical sex or gender constructs. Such a preference can be so pronounced that it achieves the same influence as a homosexual preference:
  • Vegansexuality or sapiosexuality are two examples of sexual orientations that have only recently been terminologically introduced, showing no reference to sex or gender identity and would therefore not traditionally be referred to as sexual orientations.
  • Drawing on Xenogender, however, there is the possibility of still viewing these orientations as linked to gender identity. However, this would indeed require an enormous expansion of the gender concept, which would define the gender of vegans as vegan.

But even if such a maximum expansion of the concept of gender were generally accepted (which currently seems unlikely), it would still not always be possible to establish a relationship between sexual orientation, sex, and gender identity:

  • The gender vegan would be tied to a person identifying with their veganism as a gender. But if they did not do so, their gender would not be vegan even if they live vegan.
  • But vegansexuals would, as a rule, or at least possibly, continue to be interested in such a vegan person, regardless of whether they identify as a vegan gender or not. Since vegan is not associated with specific primary, secondary, or tertiary sexual characteristics and a vegan gender is not present in this case, vegansexuality can, at least in some aspects, only be understood as a sexual orientation apart from sex and gender. Also read our dating tips for vegan singles.

In this respect, the easiest comprehensible path is probably when a decoupling of sexual orientation, sex, and gender identity takes place, in the sense that sexual orientations can refer to genders and gender identities, but do not have to.

According to this, the strength of sexual interest alone determines whether we call a sexual interest a sexual orientation or not. The assignment of the term “sexual orientation” thus itself becomes fluid, as there are no hard boundaries (or they would be arbitrary) as to when the strength of a sexual interest is called a sexual orientation.

The term asexuality also points to another phenomenon where it is neither about a gender nor about sexual interest. Nevertheless, those concerned understand their asexuality as an expression of a sexual orientation that shapes them just as much as homosexuality, heterosexuality, or skoliosexuality shape another person.

Picking up on this, the concept of sexual orientation needs to be expanded even further, from a pure focus on “orientation of sexual interest toward” to an “orientation toward sexuality.”

My sexual orientation in this sense can, for example, be that sex with a female person is attractive to me (gynosexual), but it can also consist in the fact that I do not want any sexual interaction at all (asexual).

In the following, some sexual orientations are examined in more detail, without the presentation claiming even the slightest completeness.

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Asexuality and the Gray Spectrum

A – as an expression of the absence of an orientation or a need. Asexuality: Asexuals (Ace) do not want sexual interaction.

In the asexuality spectrum, gray-asexuality (gray is a kind of weakened form) is located. Gray-asexuals have a very low interest in sexual interaction, which is nevertheless stronger than in asexuals and can also fluctuate.

There are further forms of characteristics that are often classified in the so-called gray spectrum:

  • Demisexuality: Demisexuals describe that they experience no sexual attraction to individuals with whom they are not in a love relationship. If a love relationship develops, sexual attraction can occur. The term is not entirely fortunate, as there is also a Demigender (Demiboy, Demigirl), to which the term demisexual does not refer.
  • Fluid asexuality (Ace-Flux) manifests itself in phases of asexual experience that alternate with phases of sexual experience. This can involve various temporal fluctuations.

At Consonance, we introduced our special support for partner search for asexuals in 2008. We also offer the self-test “Am I Asexual?”.

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Monosexuality

Existing sexual needs are divided in the queer spectrum into monosexual, bisexual, or polysexual orientations:

  • Monosexual orientations highlight just a single characteristic as the decisive sexual orientation of a person. In contrast, bisexual or polysexual orientations involve two (bisexual) or more than two (polysexual) orientation characteristics to which sexual interest refers.
  • Classical monosexual orientations are homosexuality (gay, lesbian) and heterosexuality (heterosexual).

Heterosexuality is usually not classified in the queer spectrum. Nevertheless, heterosexuals can still be part of the queer scene if they identify with it and experience themselves as belonging to the queer rainbow community.

In addition to heterosexuality and homosexuality, there are other monosexual orientations where sexual interest refers to non-binary and/or transgender individuals. This is often referred to as skoliosexuality:

  • The skoliosexual orientation is characterized by the fact that the sexual preference of skoliosexual individuals refers to the non-binary gender. Alternative terms to skoliosexuality are ceterosexuality or enbysexual, with skoliosexual, ceterosexual, and enbysexual ultimately being synonyms.
  • Skoliosexual individuals can be sexually attracted to transgender individuals, but also to other gender identities in the non-binary spectrum. They can be attracted to all non-binary identities, a part, or only one non-binary identity.
  • Skoliosexuality is therefore more of an umbrella term that includes numerous further more specific possible sexual orientations, which can refer, among other things, to transgender identity, intersexuality, intergender, Demiboys, Demigirls, Agender spectrum, or fluid gender identities.

Each of these non-binary gender identities can also have a sexual orientation referring to them, in the sense that these identities are experienced as sexually attractive. On a high level of abstraction, skoliosexuality is therefore a monosexual orientation. But if the various non-binary genders are considered separately and several are experienced as attractive, skoliosexuality strictly speaking transitions into monosexuality.

Skoliosexuals themselves do not need to be non-binary but can exhibit any possible gender identification.

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Bisexuality

In the area of bisexual orientations, a distinction is made between the classically known bisexuality, where there is a bisexual interest in women and men, and spectrasexuality, where individuals feel attracted to a spectrum, which can include, for example, women and non-binary individuals (nomasexuality) or men and non-binary individuals (novomasexuality):

  • Nomasexuals, in other words, experience sexual attraction to all genders except men, while novomasexuals experience sexual attraction to all genders except women. However, this definition is not entirely clear, as non-binarity also represents a spectrum in which different forms can be identified. Individuals may feel attracted to some forms of non-binarity but not to others. The statement “to all genders except …” is therefore certainly not always accurate in individual cases.
  • Since the spectrum consists of several variants, the expanded bisexuality is also in reality already a polysexuality if the sexual interest does not refer to only one single variant.

Somewhat more specifically defined are the terms gynosexuality or femmesexuality or their opposite, androsexuality:

  • Gynosexuals or femmesexuals experience a sexual attraction to the spectrum of femininity, which can include women and feminine non-binary individuals. Androsexuals, conversely, experience a sexual attraction to the spectrum of masculinity, which can include men and rather masculine non-binary individuals.
  • In this terminology, bisexuals are androgynosexual, meaning they are interested in both the female and the male spectrum. However, this is then already a Bi+, since the terms androsexual and gynosexual include not only the binary but also the non-binary genders.

Bisexuality can also take other forms:

  • For example, people can be interested in individuals in the Agender spectrum and in Demigender individuals. In this case, there is also a bisexual orientation toward different gender identities, both of which, however, lie in the non-binary spectrum.

Designations for all resulting possibilities are not yet available. However, more important than such designations is the fundamental understanding and recognition that sexual orientations can be very individual and specific and can also differentiate further within the non-binary spectrum.

Today, bisexuality is therefore also often understood as bi+, meaning an orientation of sexual interest not to exactly two, but to at least two gender identities.

In such an expanded understanding, bisexuality then becomes pansexuality or omnisexuality, which are presented below. For example, the bisexual network BiNe represents such a pansexual or omnisexual definition of bisexuality.

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Polysexuality

In multisexual orientations, at least three gender identities trigger sexual attraction – where we preliminarily assume the simplifying assumption that sexual orientation must necessarily refer to a gender identity.

If the sexual orientation explicitly refers to all possible forms of gender identity, this is omnisexuality.

Omnisexuality is similar to pansexuality:

  • Pansexuals, unlike omnisexuals, do not direct their interest at sexual or gender characteristics at all. They orient themselves toward other characteristics of people and are, so to speak, gender-blind in their sexual orientation.
  • Omnisexuals are specifically also sexually attracted and aroused by characteristics of gender identity. Pansexuals can be sexually attracted and aroused by people of all gender identities, but not because of their gender identity, but because of other personal characteristics. In the sexual attraction experience of pansexuals, the person themselves is at the forefront, not sex or gender.

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Fluidity of Sexual Orientation

So far, we have spoken of apparently largely fixed sexual orientations, all of which are defined by the fact that sexual interest persistently refers to sexual characteristics or characteristics of gender identity, or in the case of asexuality, is simply completely or largely absent.

Increasingly, however, the possibility and phenomenon of sexual fluidity are also being given space in the queer community.

According to the heteronormative model, we are all men and women who are all and permanently heterosexual.

Asexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, skoliosexuality, nomasexuality, novomasexuality, pansexuality, multisexuality, or omnisexuality are rejected from the perspective of the heteronormative model or at most tolerated as deviations.

The heteronormative model assumes allosexuality (existing sexual interest versus asexuality), heterosexuality, and also the stability of sexual orientation. However, this is contradicted by now-proven experiences of sexual fluidity:

  • Under certain situational or temporary conditions, sexual orientations can change, develop further, or fluctuate. Other sexual orientations can be added or existing ones can recede.
  • Bisexuals, for example, often describe that one side of their sexual orientation can remain latent for a long time and thus not be expressed.
  • Bi-curious describes heterosexual, homosexual, or skoliosexual individuals who are curious to extend their sexual preference to individuals other than the actually preferred gender.
  • Heteroflexibility and homoflexibility are the terms for the experience of individuals who describe themselves as heterosexual or homosexual but, under certain circumstances – and more or less occasionally – also like to have sex with other genders or would like to, without defining themselves as bisexual. An opportunity for this can be threesome or group encounters together with one’s own primary partners. Also in the context of polyamorous constellations, homoflexibility or heteroflexibility can be expressed.
  • Fluidity can occur as an intermediate phase in development, but it can also occur late after an initially already established sexual orientation, or it can appear fluctuating. It can also be very specific situations that can lead to experimentation with sexual fluidity.

Sexual fluidity seems to occur more often in women and non-binary individuals than in men, which may also be related to greater inhibitions on the part of men to engage in new sexual experiences.

Basically, any kind of sexual fluidity is possible, so that changes in all sexual orientations can occur within fluid processes.

Accordingly, heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, nomasexual, novomasexual, skoliosexual, and other orientation characteristics can be added situationally or temporally, or recede into the background.

Within the framework of fluidity, pansexual, multisexual, or omnisexual orientation characteristics can appear, but these typically do not dominate the sexual orientation.

The heteronormative perspective largely ignores sexual fluidity, devalues it, or associates it with shame and guilt. While the fluidity of sexual orientation is a deviation in the heteronormative view, it is now recognized and positively valued in queer sexual culture.

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Non-Gender-Based Sexual Orientations

The conservative heteronormative model defines sexual orientations exclusively depending on desired gender characteristics, while simultaneously presenting only the heterosexual orientation as normal and all others as deviant.

The queer perspective resists this by replacing the monolithic-normative model of heterosexuality with the normality of diversity.

The queer community recognizes numerous further sexual orientations and their potential fluidity, but additionally expands the overly one-sided view that sexual orientation must always refer to sex or gender.

Rather, sexual orientations can refer to the most diverse subjects and practices as an expression of a strong and formative sexual interest – even beyond gender. One of these examples has long had high visibility and acceptance in the queer community, namely the so-called BDSM scene.

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BDSM Scene

The BDSM scene has long been present and accepted in the queer community. When the then Governing Mayor of Berlin, Wowereit, wrote a greeting for the Folsom Festival, this caused great outrage in the heteronormative public and its media – the CDU, as the traditional political representative of heteronormative ideology, thought his greeting was incompatible with the dignity of the office.

In the queer scene, however, this greeting was undisputed and a matter of course:

  • The affirmation and integration of the BDSM scene by the queer community is validated by the state of psychological research, which proves that it is an identity, sexual, and life practice that is not associated with any personality abnormalities and also in no way with a tendency to violence, bodily harm, or even sexual offenses.
  • BDSM is rather about playful forms of submission, dominance, ritualized pain infliction, and acceptance of pain that take place on the basis of voluntary and appreciative agreement between consenting and capable individuals.

It is therefore consistent that the queer community has long regarded this group of individuals as a firm part of its community and stands up for their right to self-determination and emancipation.

At the same time, BDSM is suitable to show that the exclusive definition of a sexual orientation based on preferences for characteristics of sex or gender identity is doubtful:

  • Thus, Moser states that the strong preference for BDSM and the roles and practices associated with BDSM often override classical gender-based sexual preferences. In BDSM, the roles and practices and not the genders of the sexual partners are often in the foreground. Thus, BDSM achieves the status of a sexual orientation that is independent of sex and gender identification.

Following Moser’s arguments, BDSM can be identified as a further sexual orientation within the queer spectrum.

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Polypersonal Sexual Orientations

Does the sexual orientation refer to one person (with whatever characteristics), or is the sexual orientation oriented toward sex taking place with more than one person?

An interest in threesome constellations or eroticism in a group can, if very strong, itself become a sexual orientation.

For some people, polypersonal sexual contacts may be interesting but dispensable or only a secondary interest. In this case, the individuals are predominantly monopersonally sexually oriented, and their also-present polypersonal sexual interest does not reach the strength of a sexual orientation.

Other individuals always experience themselves as exclusively sexually attracted to one person at the same time. These individuals therefore have an exclusively monopersonal sexual orientation without interest in other constellations.

Conversely, however, there are also individuals for whom the sexual attraction arises precisely from the group constellation, and they are less or not interested in a monopersonal sexual constellation. Such individuals exhibit a polypersonal sexual orientation in the sense of a strong preference for erotic group constellations.

Monopersonal and polypersonal sexual orientations can be combined with all other sexual orientations. They are therefore to be understood as another, independent area of sexual orientation. Likewise, however, it is possible that the polypersonal sexual orientation is so strong and dominant that it largely overrides other sexual orientations or even that other sexual orientations do not exist.

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Alternative Sexual Orientations

Sexual orientations do not need to be tied to sexual characteristics or sexual practices. Rather, sexual orientations can, for example, also refer to ethical attitudes and lifestyles or to psychological characteristics of a completely different kind.

Two examples are given below with vegansexuality and sapiosexuality.

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Vegansexuality

Potts and White introduced vegansexuality as an ethically oriented sexual orientation. In interviews with vegans, they were able to show that some vegans have a strong or even exclusive sexual and romantic preference for other vegans. This is related on the one hand to the agreement of ethical convictions, which is experienced as attractive, and on the other hand to disgust toward meat and other animal product consumers, which naturally disappears in vegans.

It is possible, but not yet studied, that a vegansexual orientation can be so strong that it can weaken or override other sexual orientations tied to characteristics of sex and gender identity.

Vegansexuality, as a form of sexual orientation not captured by heteronormative models, also belongs to the queer area, even if it is currently still little known and represented in the queer community, but is usually only known, expressed, and implemented within the vegan community.

It is to be assumed that there are further ethically oriented sexual orientations, particularly in the ecological-sustainable area, but these have so far been little represented publicly.

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Sapiosexuality

Sapiosexuality is a sexual preference for people with high intelligence. In sapiosexual orientation, high intelligence itself is experienced as sexually attractive, arousing, and pleasure-enhancing.

Even though there are very few studies on this alternative sexual orientation so far, Gignac and colleagues point out that sapiosexuality actually exists as a sexual orientation and, depending on the stringency of the definition, comprises 1.3% to 8% of the adult population.

According to the findings of Gignac and colleagues, sapiosexuality is not a hype but a reality that reflects people’s experience within the framework of their sexual orientation. Sapiosexuality is also to be classified as queer, as it deviates from the heteronormative view of limiting sexual orientations to sexual characteristics.

On the internet, there are a number of opinions according to which sapiosexuality is an expression of an elitist consciousness, an arrogance, or even a discrimination of people depending on their intelligence level.

As understandable as such views may initially seem, they are wrong because they are based on an incorrect concept of sapiosexuality, as well as an overly generalized understanding of discrimination that itself becomes discriminatory when applied selectively to sapiosexuality but not to other orientations:

  • It is true that an egalitarian society is desirable even from a queer perspective, in which no one is discriminated against, but all people can realize their needs and contribute their abilities.
  • But even in an egalitarian society, individual preferences will remain, which also concern the area of sexual orientation and partner choice.
  • Every form of preference, i.e., every sexual orientation, leads to some other individuals not being candidates for sexuality or partnership for a person with that orientation. In this sense, every sexual orientation is therefore discriminatory if we want to go that far.
  • Only if we actually advocate this view in a generalized way would sapiosexuality also be justified to be called discrimination. But if we grant people sexual preferences and orientations, no sexual orientation is an expression of discrimination.
  • If we were to evaluate sapiosexuality as discrimination, then every sexual orientation would be a discrimination and only a random (sexual) partner choice would be possible to avoid the accusation of discrimination. However, this would be a dystopia that would lead to sexual and relational unhappiness for many people.

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Romantic Orientations

Typically, there is a connection between romantic orientation, partner choice, and sexual orientation, but this is not absolute and can be broken in individual cases or even typically for certain sexual orientations:

Most individuals seek romantic relationships that correspond to their sexual orientation. Thus, gay men typically seek men, heterosexual men seek women, lesbian women seek women, and heterosexual women seek men as romantic partners. This results from the fact that sexual orientations often also manifest in romantic orientations, which in turn have a great influence on partner choice:

A heterosexual woman desires men erotically, she also desires men romantically, and therefore she will typically seek a man and not a woman as a partner.

The close connection between sexual orientation and romantic relationship also makes sense in terms of content:

  • Through the congruence of sexual and romantic orientations, partnerships can emerge in which both sexual and romantic fulfillment are possible.

Thus, through romantic orientation and partner choice, sexual orientation exerts a great influence on the course of life beyond sexuality.

After all, for many, partnership relationships are among the most central aspects of life. A committed partnership relationship, for example, is named by 93% of respondents in the USA as one of their most important life goals.

However, the connection between partnership and sexual orientation is not as strong or even absolute as many might assume:

  • Due to societal pressure, people with non-heterosexual orientations have repeatedly married heterosexually throughout history and up to the present.
  • But also apart from societal pressure, love relationships can develop between people with non-congruent sexual orientations:
  • People of all gender identities and sexual orientations can choose each other for love, even if their respective sexual orientations are not related to each other.

In such romantic relationships between people of non-congruent sexual orientations, sexuality may or may not be included.

Again, people can choose to have sex with each other despite an incongruent sexual orientation, or to have no sex with each other in their relationship.

If they choose a relationship without direct sex with each other, numerous forms of arrangement are again possible, such as open relationship, swinger relationship, or polyamory, which nevertheless allow those involved an active sexual life.

Likewise, those concerned can – regardless of whether they are asexual – also decide on a life without sexual interactions with others and thus place the platonic character of their love entirely at the forefront of their lives.

However, caution should be exercised against using such possibilities of human life design to legitimize attempts by homophobic and religious fundamentalist circles to deliberately change queer orientations and identities.

A – incidentally very rare – voluntary decision of two people without societal, religious, or internalized moral pressure to live a different constellation than that which corresponds to their sexual orientation is not comparable to when people feel forced to do something against their orientation because a conflict of conscience is created in them.

Such approaches of a “conversion therapy” for queer people based on a conflict of conscience are not only ineffective, but they can lead to severe psychological damage.

Experimenting with fluidity or alternative relationship forms requires as a basic prerequisite the inner affirmation and acceptance of one’s own orientation, as well as of the experimentation without a conflict of conscience.

Only under such conditions – which are actually destroyed by advocates of conversion therapies (which, by the way, always only strive for changes in one direction) – can people freely decide for queer sexual and romantic paths also apart from their own orientation, although such a decision is the exception and not the rule.

For bisexual, homoflexible, or heteroflexible individuals, multisexual or omnisexual individuals, partner choice often does not fully reflect their sexual orientation, but such cases can also occur for asexual, heterosexual, or homosexual individuals:

  • Many bisexuals choose only one person as a partner, although this person usually does not embody both identities as a man and woman. Some choose open relationships or swinger relationships, but many also choose a monogamous couple relationship.
  • Also for multisexual and omnisexual individuals, the connection between sexual and romantic orientation is loosened. The individuals in question experience various sexual identities as sexually attractive but forego the full realization of their sexual orientation when they choose a monogamous couple relationship. This is different for pansexuality, where the gender identity of partners is unimportant because those concerned are equally gender-blind regarding their sexual orientation.
  • Gender-fluid orientations, such as homoflexibility or heteroflexibility, also often do not affect partner choice, although they could, by searching for partners who are open to this. Most homoflexible individuals will seek same-sex partners, most heteroflexible individuals opposite-sex partners. Likewise, it is possible that homoflexible and heteroflexible individuals incorporate their sexual orientation into their partnerships in the form of open relationships, swinger relationships, or polyamorous relationships in a congruent way.
  • Fluidity can also occur or become conscious only after partner choice. There may be expansions, restrictions, or other changes in sexual orientation that may contradict or not be covered by an existing partnership. This can either be accepted and left as is, or partnerships can change toward open relationship, swinger relationship, or polyamory. However, it can also lead to separation.
  • Some people with asexual orientation choose sexual partners. Some engage in sexuality out of pressure, or out of the internally experienced desire to accommodate partners, even though they are asexual, although this can be experienced more easily and positively by gray-asexuals than by more strongly asexual individuals or even those who not only do not want sexuality but experience it as definitively negative. Sometimes it is also the sexual part that foregoes sexuality and restricts themselves to autoerotic sexuality. But it is also possible that the partnership structure adapts to the sexual orientation, and for example, an open relationship or a polyamorous constellation develops where the sexual partners can continue to realize their sexual needs and the asexual partners continue to have no sex.
  • In the heterosexual or homosexual area, the case can occur that partnerships are entered into with transgender individuals who define themselves as non-binary, even though the homosexual or heterosexual individuals in question do not have a skoliosexual orientation. They define the gender of their partners according to the binary model, even if their partners have adopted the non-binary model for themselves.

Finally, in the area of sexual orientations not related to sex and gender identity, partner choice and sexual orientation can also diverge:

  • BDSM orientations are often not lived out in relationships or even kept secret. Some then seek opportunities outside the relationship to realize their BDSM inclination. This can happen as secret cheating. But it is also possible that an integration of sexual orientation into the relationship model takes place within the framework of an open relationship.

Special sexual orientations, such as vegansexuality, are also not always realized in partnerships:

  • Some were already in a relationship and only became vegan later.
  • Others were already vegan at the time of partner choice but did not yet experience themselves as vegansexual at that time.
  • Still others have subordinated their vegansexual orientation based on other characteristics or have not found vegan partners.

The latter problem applies in particular to vegan women, as there are far more female than male vegans. Surveys that we conducted at Consonance and vegan.eu showed that such individuals typically still retain a longing for vegan partners.

Often, romantic orientations are equated with partner choice. But this does not have to be the case:

  • Romantic orientation is the inner preference; partner choice is the actual behavior.

Although romantic orientation as an inner preference for entering into a love relationship is closely related to partner choice, this relationship is not perfect:

  • Constellations and reasons are conceivable why people choose romantic relationships that do not correspond to their romantic orientation. These include, among other things, friendly or pragmatic models of partnership in the form of relationships where sexual orientation, romantic orientation, or both do not correspond to the actual partner choice.

As a rule, however, people seek partnership relationships that correspond to their partnership orientation, with the rule again being that partnership orientation is congruent with sexual orientation.

Most people probably experience it such that their sexual orientation shapes their romantic orientation, which then contributes decisively to partner choice.

Sexual orientation thus paves the way for romantic orientation, which in turn paves the way for partner choice.

Nevertheless, there are exceptions:

  • In individual cases, romantic orientation can deviate from sexual orientation, which can lead to special relationship constellations that, depending on the individuals in a relationship, can lead to more or less or no dissonance or dissatisfaction.
  • In individual cases, romantic orientation can also be incongruent with partner choice, which, depending on the individuals in a relationship, can lead to more or less or no dissonance or dissatisfaction.

While highly individual constellations are possible, relationships become happier and more stable when both sexual and romantic orientation are congruent and thus harmonious between individuals. This is therefore usually an important criterion of partner choice.

The more incongruent the sexual and romantic orientation of individuals is with their partner choice, the more difficult it will be for them to build and maintain a fulfilled relationship with high relationship satisfaction.

However, this is a statement that applies only on average and not to every individual case. It is also possible that through incongruences between sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and partner choice, existing fluidity potentials are activated and thus developments in the areas of sexual and romantic orientation arise through partner choice and shared experience.

Strictly speaking, it is not only about congruent versus incongruent, but about a quantitative spectrum of more or less strong congruences or incongruences, which, due to the possibility of polysexual and polyromantic orientations, can again apply more or less only to some areas but not to others.

In online dating and also at Consonance, the matching interest lies in maximizing congruence, because this improves the prospects for a mutually fulfilling relationship, without denying the possibility that fulfilling and stable constellations can also arise from incongruent constellations in individual cases.

While such constellations can arise and be created over the course of a relationship through relationship work and mutual adjustment and change, the start of a relationship and its deepening should nevertheless as a rule be decisively facilitated if a good basic compatibility already exists in advance.

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Variants of Romantic Orientations

Aromantic Orientation (Spectrum Aromantic)

Aromantics (Aro) experience no romantic attraction. Many therefore also do not wish for a love relationship.

Aromanticism can be understood as a spectrum, where there is also a gray area:

Gray-aromantics typically experience no romantic attraction but can nevertheless experience a certain, low-grade attraction more or less constantly.

For demiromantics, there can be individuals toward whom they do feel romantic attraction. The prerequisite is that there is a close emotional contact.

Aromanticism can also occur as a fluid form, where there is actually an aromantic orientation, but its intensity fluctuates to clearly experienced romantic attraction. A fluctuation between romantic and aromantic orientation is also possible.

Quoiromantics experience no difference between friendly and romantic relationships.

Cupioromantics do not experience feelings of romantic attraction (e.g., being in love) but would like to live in a partnership relationship. Psychologically, this is plausible, as there is a multitude of love components, many of which have no connection to passionate feelings or strong romantic attraction:

Thus, Karandashev & Clapp distinguish between 33 dimensions of love, many of which are accessible to cupioromantics, such as acceptance, attachment, admiration, gratitude for the relationship and appreciation, idealization of the person, empathy, shared activities, shared life, faith, interest in the relationship partner, compatibility, reciprocity, desire to protect, concern for well-being, comfort and strengthening, forgiveness, ability to leave, assuming responsibility, trust, understanding, affection.

Aromantics can be but do not need to be asexual. In fact, any form of sexual orientation can occur in aromantics.

Some aromantics lead queerplatonic relationships, which they do not see as romantic relationships but which nevertheless go clearly beyond the typical societal friendship model.

Likewise, queersexual relationships are possible that include friendship and sexuality, but not romance in the actual sense.

Jennifer Pollitt, Assistant Professor of Gender, Sexuality, and Women’s Studies, emphasizes the belonging of the aromantic (and asexual) orientation to the queer community. The greatest commonality with other queer individuals is (translated into German) “the lack of visibility and exclusion from communities based on being strange, different, peculiar, or ‘not belonging in this space.’ Every queer person has had this experience, and the more people join the community, the more the newcomers will experience the same challenges, discrimination, and misunderstandings as those who were there before.”

At Consonance, we also see aromantics as part of the queer community, whose social networking needs we support as a dating platform.

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Gender-Based Romantic Orientations

Monoromantic Orientations

A distinction can be made between homoromantic, heteroromantic, and skolioromantic (ceteroromantic, enbyromantic) orientations. This concerns the desire for a relationship with a person of the same gender (man or woman), the oppositional gender (man or woman), or with a non-binary individual.

The terms gynoromantic or femmeromantic and androromantic can also be applied. Here, the focus is on the desire for a relationship with a woman or non-binary individual with female characteristics, or the desire for a relationship with a man or non-binary individual with male characteristics.

Within the non-binary spectrum, there are diverse manifestations:

  • At this point, we do not go beyond the umbrella term (skolioromantic); in fact, below this umbrella term there can be a large number of specific skolioromantic orientations that refer to the various non-binary gender identities:
  • Thus, there can be individuals who seek partnership relationships with persons whose gender identities are Agender, Libragender, Demigender, Transgender, intersex, or Xenogender. Individuals can also seek romantic relationships with gender-fluid individuals.

The spectrum of romantic orientations thus encompasses – just like the spectrum of sexual orientations – an enormous diversity that can only be hinted at here. Fixed terms are also not available for all possibilities.

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Biromantic and Polyromantic Orientations

Romantic orientation, like sexual orientation, can also refer to two genders:

  • In biromantic orientation, there is a desire for a romantic relationship with a man and/or a woman.
  • It can equally be a simultaneous gynoromantic or androromantic orientation, where all individuals who are male or female come into consideration for a romantic relationship, regardless of whether they are men or women in the binary sense or have male or female identification characteristics in the non-binary sense.
  • Nomaromantics feel romantically attracted to all genders except men. Novomaromantics, conversely, feel attracted to all genders except women.
  • Panromantics do not care about the gender identity of potential relationship partners. They are therefore gender-blind in choosing romantic relationship partners.
  • Omniromantics are also interested in individuals of all gender identities for a relationship, but they are not indifferent to gender identity characteristics; rather, they are interested in them.

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Gender-Independent Romantic Orientations

BDSM

BDSM as a sexual orientation can also be reflected in a romantic BDSM orientation. Corresponding individuals want to have a BDSM love relationship, which can go as far as ritualized 24/365 relationships with agreed dominance and submission. Relationships based on love, appreciation, and respect are sought.

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Veganromantic

The veganromantic orientation shows a strong romantic attraction to vegan individuals. A large number of further romantic orientations not based on sex or gender can be distinguished, which are oriented toward values and lifestyles, such as ecological, minimalist, spiritual, meditating, health-conscious. Such preferences can even reach such a strong expression that singles seeking a partner feel exclusively attracted to vegan, ecological, minimalist, spiritual, meditating, health-conscious, etc. individuals.

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Sapioromantic

Another example of romantic orientations independent of sex and gender is sapioromantic orientation, where singles seeking a partner desire a relationship with a person of high intellect.

Usually, such romantic orientations independent of sex and gender occur in combination with romantic orientations based on gender identification characteristics.

For some individuals, however, the vegan, ecological, minimalist, spiritual, meditation-related, health-conscious, or sapioromantic orientations reach such strength or dominance that gender-based characteristics of potential partners no longer play a role or are strongly subordinated. In this case, those concerned search pansexually.

In fact, the vegan, ecological, etc. search interests presented can be understood as romantic orientation or as romantic preference:

  • A romantic preference is a simple preference. Preferences do not always have to be fulfilled, and they may be deviated from if other preferences are present in return.
    As preference strength grows, preferences reach the status of a romantic orientation, which is very highly, if not dominantly, formative for partner choice.

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Alternative Classification as Xenogender

Drawing on the term Xenogender, it is also possible to understand the vegan, ecological, spiritual, meditation-related, health-conscious, and sapioromantic preferences or orientations presented as an expression of a gender identity and not as gender-independent orientations.

After all, for Xenogender, it is part of the definition that it draws on completely different concepts than those typically used for a gender identity. However, Xenogender is a controversial construct, and the romantic orientations presented are mostly regarded as not related to sex and gender.

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Monopersonal Romantic Orientations

Monopersonal romantic orientations refer to the desire for a love relationship with one person; polypersonal romantic orientations include the desire for a love relationship with more than two persons.

The monogamous couple relationship is an expression of a monopersonal romantic orientation, where a usually permanent love relationship is sought exclusively with one person. The most common type assumes a unity of sexuality and love, so that both sexual fidelity and romantic fidelity are sought.

Most singles seeking a partner, also at Consonance, seek a monogamous couple relationship. However, there are also singles seeking a partner who are not looking for a monogamous couple relationship but for a polyamorous relationship. The following presents the corresponding possible relationship constellations, which, if they correspond to one’s own wishes, can be understood as the implementation of the corresponding orientation.

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Monogamous Romantic-Sexual Couple Relationship

The monogamous couple relationship is the expression of the largely socially normative monopersonal sexual and romantic orientation, which sees both love and sex as exclusive and indivisible.

However, the “ideal model” of a lifelong monogamous relationship until death has largely lost its appeal in society. Currently, the model of serial monogamy typically dominates, where different relationships are conducted, but not at the same time, but sequentially after separations or loss through death.

Monogamous couple relationships can be accompanied by high relationship satisfaction. However, many monogamous couple relationships are at least partially influenced by more or less justified jealousy.

Sexual or emotional infidelity occurs often and can be accompanied by conflicts, emotional pain, and separations. In extreme cases, jealousy and infidelity can result in suicides, homicides, or extended suicides.

In fact, the monogamous model of the couple relationship is only suitable for couples where both individuals affirm monogamy not only out of pressure but out of their inner attitude, and both are also capable of adhering to the monogamous agreement. In this case, monogamous relationships can be associated with high relationship happiness.

On the other hand, many people experience themselves as sexually and/or romantically unfulfilled in monogamous relationships, which can create dissatisfaction and promote infidelity. The problem of infidelity is the breach of trust, which is often experienced as profound and can accordingly lead to upheavals.

In fact, upon closer examination, monogamous couple relationships also represent a spectrum in which there are more or less strong deviations from the prototype that can approach only partially monogamous or polyamorous constellations.

Thus, a monogamous constellation may be assumed more implicitly than explicitly agreed upon. Deviations from monogamy can also occur to varying degrees, which in turn are taken note of, or not, to varying degrees explicitly or implicitly.

This rather complex situation is best illustrated with an example:

  • Relationship partners in a monogamous relationship watch pornography or chat with sexual or romantic content on the internet. Is this already infidelity? It is explicitly taken note of if the relationship partners communicate this or are observed directly or through chat logs. Implicitly, relationship partners may also “not want to know” what their partners do at night on the computer.

A second example of the difficult boundary:

  • A person in a monogamous couple relationship imagines intense sexual and romantic contacts with another person in their fantasies. The person refrains from implementation, e.g., because they fear conflicts.

Does such a relationship still correspond to the ideal of the monogamous couple relationship? From what point is the threshold reached where such or other relationships are no longer called monogamous?

Within the framework of societal pressure toward heteronormativity, such differentiations are often ignored, covered with a cloak of silence, or, if exposed, morally branded as deviation or forgiven (e.g., in Christian fundamentalist circles) as a deviation to be therapized after (supposed) change.

What cannot be denied, however, is that there are genuine monogamous couple relationships that are close to the ideal, desired as such by both, and accompanied by high relationship satisfaction. In this case, a monopersonal sexual and monopersonal romantic orientation is implemented in a genuine monogamous relationship.

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Partially Monogamous Orientations

Open Relationships

There are individuals whose ideal of a love relationship is an open relationship, where love remains exclusive and undivided (monogamous), but sexuality can include other individuals (non-monogamous). Open relationships thus combine monogamy with regard to love with consensual non-monogamy with regard to sexuality.

Such a romantic orientation thus restricts the monogamy requirement to the romantic character of a relationship, while no monogamy requirement is placed on the sexual part.

Individuals whose romantic ideal is the open relationship desire an exclusive couple romance that includes the possibility of also having sexual, but not romantic, contacts with third parties.

A characteristic of such open relationships is the transparency and honesty with which partners deal with each other. Sexual contact with individuals outside the relationship is therefore also not infidelity, but a mutually accepted pattern of behavior.

One can also speak of a spectrum of open relationships:

  • The prototype of the open relationship is that both partners have sexual contacts with third parties and are completely transparent about this. They do not deepen these sexual contacts into romantic contacts and also act openly and honestly toward sexual partners. This prototype is the fully balanced and fully open relationship.
  • A one-sidedness occurs when only one person has sexual contacts with third parties, but the other does not. Tensions can arise from such relationships, but they can nevertheless function harmoniously as long as only one side desires sexual contacts with others and this is not only outwardly but also inwardly accepted and affirmed by the relationship partners.
  • Another one-sidedness can exist when the sexual partners are not fully informed and the sexual contacts are also experienced by them as romantic contacts. Considerable tensions can arise from this, which may also spill over to the romantic core relationship or even endanger it depending on the course. This is a constellation that is not balanced in its entirety and does not fulfill the requirement of transparency and honesty toward all sides. This type therefore does not correspond to the ideal of an open relationship and is rather to be evaluated as a malignant form of the partially open relationship.
  • In the spectrum of open relationships, a “Don’t ask, don’t tell” rule is also to be anchored. Transparency is given insofar as the possibility of sexual contacts with others is fundamentally recognized. Transparency is not given regarding the details of these sexual contacts, which can concern both their occurrence or non-occurrence, as well as the circumstances of their occurrence and the individuals involved. Couples can experience such a rule as useful and appropriate, but it can also be an expression of suppressed jealousy or burden that is to be addressed with such a rule.

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Swinger Relationships

In swinger relationships, romance is understood monogamously and sexuality non-monogamously, as in open relationships. However, sexuality with third parties does not take place separately, but only in the presence and possibly with the participation of the partners.

Swinger relationships can reduce fear of loss and jealousy while achieving a high degree of sexual tension and satisfaction.

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Open Swinger Relationships

Swinger relationships and open relationships can combine if part of the sexual contacts with third parties takes place together with the partners and another part separately.

Such constellations can be experienced as particularly sexually exciting and satisfying by some individuals, as the variability of sexual experiences increases. As with open relationships, however, the prerequisite is that inner acceptance exists, jealousy does not exist, or can be handled well.

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Polyamorous Orientations and Relationships

In polyamorous relationships, there is a unity of love and sexuality, only those concerned do not have just one person as a partner, but at least two individuals. Polyamorous relationships are therefore neither sexually nor romantically monogamous.

Many polyamorous relationships are structured in the form of primary partners and secondary partners. There is a core relationship and (usually later) one or more relationships with other individuals are added, but these involve less closeness than exists in the primary relationship. Often, individuals experience more care and intimacy in their primary relationship, but more sexual arousal and sexual satisfaction in their secondary relationship, although both sex and romance play a role in both primary and secondary relationships.

Likewise, there are polyamorous constellations where all partners are primary partners and a high degree of closeness is experienced with all partners.

In some polyamorous relationships, it makes sense to speak of tertiary partners. Here, the degree of closeness and attachment is low, and the term friendship+ could also be used.

The most diverse constellations are conceivable here, where someone has only primary partners, only secondary partners, only tertiary partners, or some partners are to be understood as primary partners, others as secondary partners, and still others as tertiary partners.

These polyamorous constellations can, in turn, be conducted in a balanced or one-sided manner:

  • A balanced polyamorous constellation is when all partners involved also have further partners themselves. A one-sided constellation exists when, for example, in a core relationship only one person has further relationships, but the other person does not.
  • Polyamorous relationships are not infidelity, as they are – like open relationships – based on openness and transparency. Less balanced relationships can also work for all involved if these constellations correspond to their wishes and are not brought about by pressure.

A special form of highly balanced polyamory is the group relationship:

  • In this polyamorous constellation, more than two people have a mutual love relationship with each other.

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Functions of Partially Monogamous and Non-Monogamous Relationships

Open relationships, swinger relationships, and polyamorous relationships can realize various forms of sexual and romantic orientations, with the possible constellations resulting in a great diversity of possibilities, only hinted at in three examples:

  • A group relationship with one man and two women allows women to realize bisexual romantic and sexual orientations, while the man can realize a heterosexual relationship.
  • A polyamorous relationship with a non-binary individual and a man as primary partner and another man as secondary partner of the man allows the non-binary individual to realize an androromantic and androsexual orientation, the man connected with them to realize a novomasexual and novomaromantic orientation, and the secondary partner to realize a homosexual and homoromantic orientation.

Polyamorous constellations are thus particularly well-suited to realize, in addition to the polyamorous orientation, various other sexual as well as romantic orientations.

Open and swinger relationships are, on the one hand, themselves – like monogamy or polyamory – a romantic orientation, namely the desire for a love relationship in which there is also sex with others: separately (open relationships), together (swinger relationships), or both (mixed forms of open relationship and swinger relationship). On the other hand, open and swinger relationships enable the realization of numerous further sexual orientations – but not romantic orientations, as romance with other individuals is only included in polyamorous relationships.

It should be added that polyamory can also occur in combination with open or swinger relationships. Thus, a polyamorous group relationship can allow the individual participants separate sexual contacts with further individuals without romantic attachment (combination with open relationship), or sexual contacts with further individuals are maintained together.

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Complex Phenomena Between Gender and Orientations

There are queer experiences and orientations that cannot be easily assigned to the area of sexual orientation, romantic orientation, or gender identity.

These are particularly complex inner-psychological processes and resulting complex interpersonal constellations, which are therefore not easily understood and comprehended by outsiders.

However, the difficulty for non-affected individuals to comprehend these constellations does not justify any doubt about the validity of the corresponding experiences.

Examples of such constellations are Girlfags and Guydykes, also referred to as lesbian men or gay women.

Girlfags (Gay Women)

  • Girlfags are typically women (cis women or trans women) or individuals who identify as non-binary feminine (e.g., Demigirl, non-binary female trans). Girlfags can also identify as cis-gender fluid, but they can also take an intermediate position between man and woman (intergender). The decisive defining characteristic is that Girlfags, while (largely) maintaining their (also) female identity, identify with gay or bisexual men, desire gay or bisexual men, and want to experience sexuality and/or romance with them in such a way that they themselves are in the role of the gay or bisexual man. This can be accompanied by an interest in gay sexual practices or also in group or polyamorous constellations involving two or more men in addition to themselves. Girlfags can therefore only be fully understood as a complex constellation involving gender identity (cis woman, cis woman fluid, trans non-binary feminine, Demigirl, intergender), sexual orientation (sexual interest in gay and bisexual men, polypersonal sexual orientation), and romantic orientation (romantic interest in gay and bisexual men, polyromantic interests). This becomes even more complex because the sexual and romantic orientation appears as an identification with gay men, but not with their gender, but with their role and their feelings while largely maintaining one’s own gender identification. However, it is also described that the identity of Girlfags can temporarily or permanently transition into a male transgender identification.

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Guydykes (Lesbian Men)

  • Guydykes are the mirror image of Girlfags, so the mirrored description is also used here. Guydykes are correspondingly typically men (cis men or trans men) or individuals who identify as non-binary masculine (e.g., Demiboy, non-binary male trans). Guydykes can also identify as cis-gender fluid, but they can also take an intermediate position between man and woman (intergender). The decisive defining characteristic is that Guydykes, while (largely) maintaining their (also) male identity, identify with lesbian or bisexual women, desire lesbian or bisexual women, and want to experience sexuality and/or romance with them in such a way that they themselves are in the role of the lesbian or bisexual woman. This can be accompanied by an interest in lesbian sexual practices or also in group or polyamorous constellations involving two or more women in addition to themselves. Guydykes can therefore only be fully understood as a complex constellation involving gender identity (cis man, cis man fluid, trans non-binary masculine, Demiboy, intergender), sexual orientation (sexual interest in lesbian and bisexual women, polypersonal sexual orientation), and romantic orientation (romantic interest in lesbian and bisexual women, polyromantic interests). This becomes even more complex because the sexual and romantic orientation appears as an identification with lesbian women, but not (completely) with their gender as a woman, but with their role and their feelings while largely maintaining one’s own gender identification. It is also described that the identity of Guydykes can temporarily or permanently transition into a female transgender identification.

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Evaluations of Identities and Orientations

Basically, possibilities of experiencing and designing sexuality, gender, and relationships are not to be evaluated but described and recognized as such. This is precisely the approach of the queer community.

However, there are nevertheless problematic constellations that are not part of the queer community due to their malignant effects on others. Examples of this are orientations designed to deceive, harm, or undermine or violently override the self-determination of other people. Orientations aimed at harming animals are also to be included here, so these are also not to be considered part of the queer community.

The prerequisite for acceptance and support of diverse orientations is therefore that the orientations refer to practices and constellations between capable and consenting individuals who wish to increase their life happiness in this way.

If this is not the case, problematic constellations exist that fall within the responsibility of clinical and forensic psychology, psychiatry, and sexology. The goal of corresponding interventions is to change such orientations as much as possible, strengthen alternative, non-problematic orientations, or at least prevent implementation of such orientations that harms other people or animals.

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Consonance Online Dating

Compatibility in Partner Choice of Great Importance

As a rule, people will potentially be happiest in their relationships when their relationship form also corresponds to their romantic and sexual orientation. Equally important is a compatibility of values. We therefore also apply this as a matching principle at Consonance.

As a rule, for example, a person with a polyamorous romantic orientation and polypersonal sexual orientation will become happier in a polyamorous group relationship than another person who only agrees to a polyamorous group relationship as a compromise at the partner’s request.

This is precisely where the enormous importance of a suitable partner choice arises, which takes into account the sexual and romantic relationships as well as the gender identities of all individuals involved in a partnership.

The more diverse and queer we are as humans, the greater the importance of this suitable partner choice.

At Consonance, within the framework of our matchmaking and friendship search, we support individuals with all mentioned gender identities, sexual and romantic orientations in their search for relationships.

We inquire about gender identity, sexual orientations or the sought characteristics of partners, as well as relationship models (monogamous, open, swinger, polyamorous).

The advantages of this matching approach are in particular the following:

Conflicts, emotional pain, and separations can be avoided when singles seeking a partner come together as couples whose sexual and romantic orientations and relationship models harmonize with each other.

  • All relationship models are recognized and promoted without prejudice or discrimination. Thus, even people with polyamorous or open relationship models or people seeking a swinger relationship can make their partner search a success. This is simultaneously helpful for the majority of our monogamously oriented members because they begin relationships with people who are truly willing to commit to monogamy.

The consideration of all this information in the partner and friendship search thus leads to a win-win situation for everyone.

We try to support the right partner choice at Consonance through our psychological matching system, which already considers a number of information on sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and gender identity.

However, a matching system is not sufficient in view of the enormous diversity of queer sexual and romantic orientations as well as gender identities – including the associated ambiguity of individual terms.

At Consonance, we combine the preselection through matching with the request to our members to supplement the individual peculiarities of their sexual and romantic orientations, as well as their gender identities, in free self-descriptions to enable a suitable self-selection.

In the following, we describe in each case in concise form how we support the online partner search of our members at Consonance and how all queer characteristics of sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and gender identity enter into the matchmaking.

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All Queer Groups at Consonance

At Consonance, we enable matchmaking at the level of homoromantic, heteroromantic, and skolioromantic, but we additionally also cover transromantic (romantic relationships with transgender) and intersexromantic (romantic relationships with intersex individuals) through our matching system.

All further romantic (and sexual) orientations in the non-binary spectrum are made possible through the combination of the skolioromantic search with the free self-descriptions of the individuals concerned about their gender identity in online dating on our platform.

Members set their own searches themselves, so that typically sexual and romantic orientation will be congruent.

Dating for Lesbian, Gay, and Heterosexual Individuals

Of course, at Consonance we support the lesbian, gay, and heterosexual partner search and networking by aligning these gender identity-oriented orientations of our members with each other in matchmaking. If members are searching for partnership, romantic relationships are mediated. However, members can also search for friendship with sexuality under “looking for friends.” Likewise, under the “partner search” model, searching for erotic contacts is possible.

Dating for lesbian, gay, and heterosexual individuals thus enables diverse romantic, friendly, and erotic networking.

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Dating for Bisexuals

All bisexual orientations anchored in the queer spectrum are supported by Consonance. In the partner search, members can accordingly select two characteristics, both of which are then used as options in matchmaking.

Consonance enables in this sense a bisexual, nomasexual (women and non-binary), and novomasexual (men and non-binary) partner search, friendship search, and search for erotic contacts.

If the non-binary search is restricted here to non-binary female or non-binary male, effective online dating is also possible with us at the levels of partnership, friendship, and eroticism for gynosexuals/femmesexuals and, conversely, also for androsexuals.

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Dating for Skoliosexuals and Non-Binary Genders

At Consonance, we support the skoliosexual, ceterosexual, or enbysexual partner search, friendship search, and erotic search by allowing all members to relate or restrict their search to non-binary individuals. In matchmaking, non-binary individuals are then suggested to skoliosexuals accordingly.

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Recording Non-Binary Gender

Intersex and Transgender

Intersexuality and transgender are also considered on other recording levels and enter into the matching. The recording of transgender and intersexuality occurs in addition to the recording of binary and non-binary. This allows the matching to significantly optimize partner and friendship suggestions already. However, the transgender or intersex members concerned themselves decide whether they want consideration in the matching or not.

At Consonance, intersex individuals can identify as non-binary. If they identify more strongly with the male or female gender, they can also choose the options non-binary female or non-binary male. Likewise, however, intersex individuals can also deny a connection of their gender identification with their anatomical characteristics or the assignment at birth and classify themselves as man or woman in the binary spectrum. However, this case can also be called transgender, namely from intersex to one of the binary genders.

Transgender individuals also decide for themselves whether they classify themselves as binary or non-binary.

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Androgyny

Androgynous individuals will – if a dominance of one gender is present – mostly classify themselves as binary man or woman and can express their androgyny in their self-description. Androgynous characteristics are, by the way, particularly popular in partner search, both in women and men.

However, if androgynous individuals do not find a dominance of one gender in themselves and therefore cannot identify with a gender, they will identify as non-binary.

They can also identify as non-binary male, non-binary female, or only as non-binary. In the case of classification as purely non-binary, suggestions will only occur at Consonance where the other person has also explicitly expressed an interest in a non-binary individual. In the case of classification as non-binary female or male, suggestions can also occur where the other person is looking for a man or woman.

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Demigirl and Demiboy

Typically, singles seeking a partner at Consonance who identify as Demigirls or Demiboys will identify as non-binary female or non-binary male.

However, it is open to the individuals in question to also identify as man or woman if the corresponding identification is nevertheless predominantly stronger. Ultimately, it is a fluid spectrum with fluid transitions.

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Other Non-Binary Genders

Typically, and also at Consonance, all identities that do not correspond to the binary system of genders are referred to as non-binary, as this currently can best ensure success for the purpose of partner and friendship search.

For Agender and Neutrois, the choice of the category non-binary is therefore the recommended category for their partner and friendship search at Consonance. They will receive the most suitable partner suggestions by choosing the non-binary partner search, namely those who do not expect a binary gender and can best understand identification as Agender, gender-neutral, or Neutrois.

For online dating at Consonance, we also recommend all those who belong to Libragender, i.e., librafeminine and libramasculine individuals, to classify themselves as non-binary or alternatively (if there is still a stronger partial identification as woman or man) as non-binary female or non-binary male.

Demigenders and Libragenders will thus not always distinguish themselves in the checkmark options for their partner search but can express their individual peculiarities in the free text.

Unlike the large mainstream matchmaking services and dating sites, Consonance thus also offers a space for the various non-binary individuals for their partner search, erotic search, and friendship search.

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Matching Algorithm for Non-Binary Genders

Transgender Identity and Intersexuality

Intersex and transgender members of Consonance have the option of explicitly indicating the desire for acceptance in their partner or friendship search. In this case, intersex or transgender singles seeking a partner will only be suggested other individuals in matchmaking and friendship search who have indicated that they would also like to enter into a partnership with an intersex or transgender individual.

Our intersex and transgender members thus decide for themselves whether they desire a restriction to individuals in the derivation of partner or friendship suggestions from whom they can assume a high level of acceptance a priori.

Through this acceptance option, we at Consonance can facilitate the partner and friendship search for our trans members and intersex members and reduce the risk of rejections based on their transgender identity or intersexuality.

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Demigenders and Androgyny

In the binary-non-binary spectrum, specific sexual orientations are also possible that refer to Demigenders (Demigirl, Demiboy) or androgynous men or women.

The designations non-binary female and non-binary male are understood by us as an operationalization of demisexuality and androgyny, although we are currently examining to what extent we should include further androgyny concepts within the binary spectrum to do justice to the full queer spectrum.

Currently, we cannot distinguish between demigender identity and androgynous identity through matching. Accordingly, a distinction between androgynosexual and demigendersexual preference cannot be made at the level of sexual orientations either. We recommend using the free text as a self-description here, so that a self-selection can result within the framework of the suggestions provided.

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Further Gender Preferences

There are numerous further constellations in the non-binary spectrum that can be important for partner search, friendship search, or erotic search, which also includes gender fluidity and gender flux.

It is not possible to query all of this in detail, also because this would cause great confusion among those who do not understand the terms or understand them differently. This would lead to incorrect information that would impair the relationship search of everyone. These diverse differentiations therefore do not enter into the matching.

Even if not all differentiations can be mapped at the matching level, an important basic orientation of the partner or friendship search already occurs by entering non-binary or non-binary female or non-binary male as sought genders. Many suggestions will thus be suitable.

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Central Role of Self-Descriptions

Because of the diversity of non-binary genders and because terms are not always clear or not generally understood, the free self-descriptions of members for their partner and friendship search at Consonance have a high weight.

We enable a free description of one’s own gender identity and one’s own sexual orientation, which is then displayed to suitable individuals on the profile. This ensures a good understanding of one’s own person by other searchers and supports the process of self-selection.

We therefore advise describing in more detail, especially for non-binary gender and sexual orientations that are not queried or not generally understood, to enable mutual recognition.

This recommendation applies accordingly also for one’s own gender or dating preferences in the areas of Demiboys, Demigirls, Agender and Neutrois, Libragender (librafeminine, libramasculine), Two-Spirit, Trigender, Polygender, Pangender, as well as the various fluid possibilities, such as Genderfae, Genderfaun, Genderflor, Genderflux, or Xenogender.

All these genders and sexual or romantic preferences for them are not directly recorded through checkmark options. This is precisely why the free self-description has a particularly great weight here for partner and friendship search.

Through filtering for non-binary, as well as non-binary female and non-binary male, we provide a preselection in matchmaking and friendship search. The free self-descriptions are now essential to refine this so that suitable individuals meet each other. Especially in the non-binary area, the free self-descriptions therefore contribute decisively to the success of online partner search and friendship search.

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Dating for Asexuals, Gray-Asexuals, and Demisexuals

In online dating at Consonance, we support asexuals and gray-asexuals in the following ways:

  • We record asexuality as a sexual orientation and display it on the profile. We inquire about interest in an asexual or platonic relationship. Individuals who are seeking a platonic or asexual relationship can be suggested to each other in matchmaking.
  • However, there is also the possibility of indicating that someone is ALSO looking for a sex-free relationship. This can be individuals who can imagine a relationship with or without sex; they can also be gray-asexuals who might be interested in a minimal amount of sex.
  • Consonance also specifically supports demisexuals in their partner search through the question of whether sexuality is only conceivable when a love relationship already exists. Those who place value on sexuality earlier are not suggested to demisexual singles.

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Friendship Search for Aromantics

Aromantics can participate in our friendship search. Because although aromantics do not seek a love relationship, they can certainly be interested in friendships.

In the friendship search, sexual aromantics at Consonance have the option of also searching for a friendship with eroticism. This also supports aromantics in building social networks and satisfying their sexual needs. Within the framework of a friendship+, it is also possible to give space to fluid processes and for relationships to develop.

Aromantics can and should describe themselves authentically in their experience in their free self-description. This prevents the wrong individuals from coming together and becoming unhappy with each other.

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Pansexual and Omnisexual Dating

Consonance offers pansexual dating as a dedicated search option, which can in turn be used for romantic relationships, friendship, and eroticism.

The pansexual search option is identical to a Bi+ search and thus corresponds to the omnisexual search at the same time, since, despite the slight motivational difference, it leads to the same results.

A number of multisexual or multiromantic specifications are also possible at Consonance:

  • Members can, for example, search for women, men, and non-binary individuals. But they can also search for women, men, and transgender, for women, men, and intersex individuals, or for transgender, intersex individuals, and women, etc.
  • In the non-binary spectrum, members can also search for rather male or rather female non-binary individuals if they wish.
  • With the three levels of partnership search, friendship search, and eroticism, Consonance thus includes a comprehensive online dating offering also for individuals with the most diverse multisexual orientations, with combinations possible of both binary genders with non-binary as well as transgender and intersexuality.

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Gender Fluidity and Dating

Depending on the dominance of an existing identification, gender-fluid individuals will classify themselves as non-binary or binary in the partner search, friendship search, or erotic search at Consonance (and of course elsewhere):

  • The typically rather masculine man who occasionally experiences himself as a Demiboy will classify himself as binary man, despite the fluidity.
  • The Demiboy, who is occasionally experienced as a masculine man, will probably classify himself as non-binary.

These classifications also make sense for matchmaking, as they make clear how a person will typically behave. On the other hand, binary and non-binary classification cannot adequately capture the complexity and individuality of gender identification.

We try to address this problem in two ways on our dating platform:

  • As already described, the free self-description of one’s own gender identity, which is optional with us, is all the more valuable the more a member’s identity differs from the binary majority identity. Through the self-description, members can express their gender identity on the profile and make it understandable for the purpose of their partner search. This also applies to individuals with fluidity of gender identification.

Precisely because fluidity crosses or can cross the boundaries between non-binary and binary, binary and non-binary are ultimately pragmatic classifications.

At Consonance, through contact with the queer community and our members, we will continue to observe and examine whether further categorical classifications – beyond binary, non-binary, transgender, and intersex – could be helpful for the effectiveness of online matchmaking.

However, increasing the number of such checkmark categories in online dating is always a balancing act between a helpful further differentiation and visualization of diversity and creating confusion among members seeking a partner.

There is a risk that members seeking a partner do not understand the categories or understand them differently and thus make incorrect settings for their own person and for their partner search.

If this gets out of hand, the introduction of further queer diversity categories can interfere with successful matchmaking and ultimately make the partner search more difficult.

For successful psychologically based matchmaking, erotic matching, and friendship search, the solution is therefore not simply the introduction of a large number of categories. Rather, it is about achieving a possible optimum in the field of tension between providing as diverse categories as possible and their effective use for online partner search.

Even though the introduction of further self-description and search categories could ensure a more complete representation of the queer community, this higher completeness could de facto be lost if the terms are not understood or not understood uniformly when members provide their information about themselves and their partner search.

Currently, our impression is that the categories currently used (woman, man, non-binary, non-binary female, non-binary male, transgender, intersex) in combination with the possibility of free self-description enable an effective partner search for both binary and non-binary individuals and individuals with high gender fluidity across the entire spectrum.

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Partner Search for Girlfags and Guydykes

What possibilities exist for the partner search for gay women and for the partner search for lesbian men at Consonance?

These are the options:

  • One possibility of searching for gay women (Girlfags) and lesbian men (Guydykes) is that Guydykes and Girlfags can search for bisexual women or bisexual men who may not completely, but to a large extent, correspond to the desired lesbian woman or gay man.
  • At the same time, these bisexual individuals may be able to establish a relationship with Girlfags and Guydykes as they wish, namely as lesbians or as gay men, since bisexual men and bisexual women have experience with gay men and lesbians – even if this is probably mostly or always with a male or female identity. By indicating the bisexual option, Girlfags and Guydykes can get to know corresponding individuals at Consonance.
  • However, at Consonance there is also the option that individuals who are actually oriented toward the opposite gender can also allow a same-sex individual as a partner and vice versa. If a gay man also allows a search for the opposite gender, he can be suggested to a Girlfag (who herself is seeking a man), just as a lesbian woman can be suggested to a Guydyke if she allows the opposite gender option.
  • In addition, women seeking men and men seeking women can indicate that these sought women or men may or should be same-sex oriented. If this entry is made, Girlfags and Guydykes can be suggested men or women who are open to an opposite-gender search but identify themselves as gay or lesbian.

It should not be concealed, however, that these entries are extremely rare, so very long waiting times will arise for such a suggestion, which may nevertheless occur one day. Since a lesbian woman for a Guydyke and a gay man for a Girlfag is the fulfillment of their longing, some accept these very long waiting times with the hope that one day the suggestion will come. With sufficient patience, online partner search at Consonance is also an effective way for Girlfags and Guydykes to find a partner. While Guydykes and Girlfags are at a loss on almost all dating apps, matchmaking services, and singles sites, we at Consonance are committed to enabling lesbian men and gay women to find partners.

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Partner Search for Monopersonal and Polypersonal Sexual and Romantic Orientations

At Consonance, we also consider monopersonal and polypersonal sexual and romantic orientations for the most precise partner search possible:

  • Monopersonally sexually and romantically oriented singles can search for a consistently monogamous couple relationship at Consonance.
  • Singles who are polypersonally sexually oriented but monopersonally romantically oriented can search for open relationships or swinger relationships in their partner search.
  • Singles who are polypersonally sexually and romantically oriented can search for a polyamorous relationship (polyamory) at Consonance.
  • Flexible singles can search for the various relationship forms and decide for one of the three relationship models depending on the match.

The result is a win-win situation:

  • We want relationships to be stable and happy. But they will not become so if monopersonally and polypersonally oriented individuals come together. In this case, disappointments due to infidelity, sexual and romantic unfulfillment, or both are pre-programmed.
  • By conducting an honest survey of preferences, we bring together those individuals who can truly become happy with each other according to their relationship model. This improves the quality of all relationship forms, whether monogamous, partially monogamous, or polyamorous.

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Dating with BDSM Inclination

At Consonance, we support our members with BDSM inclination in their social networking within the framework of our matchmaking, friendship search, and accordingly also in the erotic area.

We do this by recording BDSM inclination and role preferences in all members and deriving partner or friendship suggestions on this basis. Through the response option “BDSM open,” potentials of sexual fluidity are also included.

For BDSM as the only or dominant romantic orientation, the pansexual search area is recommended regarding gender identification characteristics. If there are other equally strong or even stronger gender-based romantic orientations, the search can of course also be combined with these.

However, at Consonance we see a collision of the unconditional endorsement of manifestations and forms of BDSM by the queer community with the use of leather items by many representatives of the BDSM scene. In our view, the unconditional acceptance and appreciation of all queer characteristics should always be tied to the appreciation of all others, including the lives of animals. As in other areas of society (nutrition, clothing, leisure), the use of animal skins for sexual practices is incompatible with a life-affirming, ethical orientation of the queer scene.

Positively, parts of the queer community have already counteracted this early on, and vegan BDSM products are now finding growing resonance in the queer BDSM scene. This path should be consistently supported from a queer-vegan perspective.

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Vegansexual Dating and Veganromantic

We have always supported vegansexual partner search, friendship search, and erotic search at Consonance with our vegan matching option for members seeking partners, friends, and erotic contacts.

This is done by offering the possibility to restrict the partner search, friendship search, and erotic search to other vegans or those who want to become vegan.

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Sapiosexual Dating and Sapioromantic

Consonance recognizes sapiosexual orientation as a legitimate sexual orientation and sapioromantic orientation as a romantic orientation.

We therefore support our sapiosexual members as actively in their partner search, friendship search, and erotic search as we do our non-sapiosexual members.

In sapiosexual partner or friendship search, it can be useful to restrict the search to individuals with high educational interests or additionally with an academic degree, as high intelligence is usually present in this case.

For a strong sapiosexual orientation that outweighs gender-based preferences, we recommend sapiosexual members to have a pansexual orientation for their partner or friendship search.

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Further Sexual-Romantic Orientations

Consonance supports a number of further romantic orientations that are oriented toward values and lifestyles, such as vegan, ecological, minimalist, spiritual, meditating, and health-conscious.

In matching, we compare the search preferences of our members with each other to be able to establish partnerships that allow a stable basis, positive shared experiences, and positive further development.

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Conclusion

We are a dating site, a community for getting to know people, and a dating platform that is open to all those who genuinely want to get to know each other and start and develop relationships together.

People with all legitimate sexual orientations, gender identities, and romantic orientations can build partnerships, friendships, erotic relationships, and other networking opportunities with each other at Consonance (Gleichklang):

See for yourself and join in: ➨ SIGN UP NOW!

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