Asexuality and Online Dating for Asexuals at Consonance (Gleichklang)
Consonance (Gleichklang) enables asexual individuals to engage in effective online dating for the search for asexual or platonic relationships. With the help of this special dating option for asexuals, asexual members achieve the same matchmaking prospects for their online dating as non-asexual members at Consonance.
What Is Asexuality?
Asexuality refers to the absence of a need for sexual interaction. Asexuality can be understood as an orientation toward sexuality. A detailed definition of asexuality from a psychological perspective can be found here on our information portal asexuell.info.
- A purely categorical view that distinguishes between asexual and non-asexual individuals is likely a simplification of what is actually a quantitative continuum:
- Asexuality, according to the quantitative perspective, is the extreme “edge” in the area of low sexual desire and interaction-seeking, while the opposite pole is formed by hypersexuality (colloquially: sex addiction, nymphomania). In between lie most individuals, with the majority of them in the middle. The more an individual approaches the edge toward asexuality, the more likely this person will experience or identify as gray-asexual and ultimately as asexual.
For asexual individuals, sexual desire and the desire for sexual interaction are so low that they are no longer perceived as such — or, in the case of gray-asexuals, only very little. With the help of our Sexuality Experience Test as well as the test “Am I asexual?“, you can better clarify for yourself whether asexuality applies to you or not.
Asexuality is now classified within the queer spectrum.
What Should Asexuality Be Distinguished From?
- The term asexuality should be distinguished from the ICD-10 classified mental disorder of lack of sexual desire. This disorder is characterized — only seemingly similar to asexuality — by a strong down-regulation of sexual needs to the point of sexual apathy. However, unlike asexuality, this disorder causes psychological distress, and dissatisfaction is experienced by those affected as an impairment to be overcome. A mental impairment in the sense of psychological suffering is a prerequisite for a disorder diagnosis, unless a behavioral pattern leads to social harm, which is not the case with asexuality. Asexuality is therefore not a mental disorder.
- Asexuality should also be differentiated from the ICD-10 classified mental disorder with sexual aversion, which refers to an intense dislike of or disgust toward sexuality. Asexuality is defined as the absence of sexual desire, not as a sexual aversion, although the latter is to be regarded as pathological if it results in subjective suffering or limitations in lifestyle. It is possible for asexuals to experience aversion toward sexuality. However, the decisive factor is that they simply do not desire sexuality, completely independent of this aversion.
- Furthermore, the term asexuality must be distinguished from self-doubt, social inhibitions, and resulting lack of relationship experience, which can lead to a lifestyle without sexuality lived in interpersonal interaction. Here we are dealing with treatable mental health issues that should not be confused with actual asexuality.
- Asexuality is also to be distinguished from the so-called Absolute Beginners: people who have no relationship experience yet. The majority of Absolute Beginners are not asexual but have sexual interests that they have not yet been able to realize. Asexuals can be Absolute Beginners, but the vast majority of Absolute Beginners are not asexual. Incidentally, Consonance also offers special support for Absolute Beginners within the framework of our matchmaking. This is done within the emancipatory orientation of our dating platform, which enables effective online dating for people with different sexual orientations and special characteristics. With this approach, Consonance differs from almost all dating apps, dating sites, singles sites, matchmaking agencies, or dating services in the German-speaking internet.
- Asexuality is to be distinguished from aromanticism. Aromantics can be asexual, but do not have to be. Asexuals are mostly not aromantic, but can be. It does not follow from the term asexuality in any way that there are no needs for deeper interpersonal relationships; rather, asexuality refers to no sexual desire and no desire for sexual interaction. However, asexuality does not exclude that sexual contacts still occur, as people can consent to sexual contacts for many reasons, even if they do not experience a desire for sexual interaction. Asexuals who have romantic needs can limit these similarly to sexuals with regard to gender and gender identity. In this case, however, one should not speak of heterosexuality, for example, but of heterophilia, homophilia, biphilia, panphilia, or skoliophilia. Because it is not a sexual interest, but a purely romantic one.
- The term asexuality should also be distinguished from celibate lifestyles, such as those demanded of Catholic priests, but also partly of dignitaries of other religions. The problem with celibacy is that the people concerned are not asexual and yet are supposed to abstain from the fundamental biologically determined primary reinforcement of sexual satisfaction. As a rule, this leads to psychological distress and often to sexual activities forbidden after celibacy, which in turn results in feelings of guilt and inner dissonance for those affected. Celibacy is therefore — in contrast to sexualitylessness in asexuality — to be regarded as a psychologically unhealthy lifestyle that does not do justice to the person in their sexual grounding. It is even debatable whether celibacy contributes to the sexual abuse of children and adolescents by priests that is rampant in the Catholic Church worldwide.
- Asexuality has nothing to do with autism, although some mistakenly think that autistic people are asexual. Of course, there are also asexual autistics, but the majority of autistics are not asexual. Incidentally, the majority of autistics are also not aromantic but desire a partnership or already have a partnership. For autistics, we also have a special matching option for online dating for autistics at Consonance.
It is important to distinguish asexuality from other ways of experiencing. An overly broad definition of the term carries the risk of lumping various things together, thereby, for example, including recognizable mental disorders such as schizoid personality disorder, characterized by social isolation, into the concept of asexuality. This could result in an unnecessary psychopathologization of asexuality.
Narrow and Broad Interpretations of Asexuality
A rather narrow interpretation of the term asexuality appears necessary, orienting the definition toward a (largely) absence of sexual desire and/or desire for sexual interaction. However, as always in human experiential realms, not everything is black or white, but shades of gray exist. For this, the term gray-asexuality is used. Pure asexuality thus refers to the absence of sexual desire or sexual interest, while gray-asexuality may involve very low sexual interests.
From conversations and internet research, we know that some asexuals do not want to include sexual desire in the definition. Accordingly, a person could be asexual, have very vivid or even addictive sexual fantasies, but not want to pursue these on the level of interaction. However, sexuality is present not only on the behavioral level but also on the fantasy level. Intense sexual fantasies are therefore hardly compatible with a term like asexuality in its pure form. But the term “gray-asexuality” can provide an important differentiation here and fit.
The prevalence of asexuality in the general population is unknown. In one survey, just over 1% of the population stated that they had never felt sexually attracted to another person at any point (see Bogaert, 2004).
Bogaert (2004), following Storm (1990), views asexuality as a matter of sexual orientation by negatively defining it as the absence of sexual attraction to men and women. However, this definition is highly questionable:
- On the one hand, because it would define various paraphilic orientations as asexual (e.g., fetishism). On the other hand, because it seems conceptually implausible, at least in a strict sense, to speak of asexuality, i.e., an absence of sexuality, when sexual arousal and activity (e.g., masturbation) are present.
In this respect, it can be assumed that Bogaert’s survey helps to roughly estimate the maximum proportion of asexual people in the general population, although when considering a narrow interpretation of the term, it points to an asexual proportion of less than 1%.
At Consonance (Gleichklang), we have observed for many years that about one percent of members in our matchmaking are asexual, which aligns well with this study.
Although we clearly highlight our matching option for asexuals and have gained considerable awareness through it, the proportion of people with asexuality at Consonance is only about 1.5% (as of September 2024). It has increased from 1% to 1.5% over the past four years.
Asexuality is therefore certainly not a “mass phenomenon” but rare, which in no way means that efforts for increased networking and recognition of asexual lifestyles and ways of loving are unnecessary.
It should also be noted that the term asexuality is currently not yet a clear, scientifically recognized designation. Even though scientists are increasingly using the term, it remains to a significant extent a self-ascription by individuals characterized by divergent peculiarities of their sexual and sometimes relationship behavior. However, this applies to many queer terms, where self-designations often preceded science. This is now also beginning to emerge with asexuality.
Information on online dating for asexuals at Consonance (Gleichklang):
https://en.consonance.com/asexual-partner-search/
https://en.consonance.com/platform-for-asexual-dating/
https://en.consonance.com/special-features-of-online-dating-at-consonance/sexual-orientations/
External information on asexuality:
http://www.asex-wiki.de/index.php/Hauptseite
