Lesbian Dating with Psychological Methods for Those Seeking a Real Relationship
Consonance (Gleichklang) effectively supports its lesbian and bisexual members in their partner search. The matchmaking is consistently based on the compatibility of values, lifestyles, relationship models, and core beliefs.
Lesbian partner search at Consonance (Gleichklang) enables women to meet who truly fit together and can build a stable, sustainable, and long-term relationship:
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How Consonance (Gleichklang) Stands Apart
At Consonance (Gleichklang), we approach lesbian partner search using psychological methods. Unlike the major lesbian dating sites, Consonance is not primarily about many contacts, profiles, or many chats, but about making that rare event truly happen:
- Finding a partner for a shared life.
Research on online partner search shows why lesbian partner search in particular frequently uses digital pathways:
- The potential dating pool is smaller, lesbian offline scenes are more spatially concentrated, and online spaces serve not only dating functions but also community and identity-confirmation functions.
However, the triumph of online dating in the lesbian scene also brings a number of risks and side effects that we try to counteract at Consonance (Gleichklang). This is precisely how we differ in key ways from international lesbian dating apps like HER, as well as general dating apps like Tinder, where lesbians can also search. Likewise, lesbian partner search at Consonance differs from the community sites for lesbians well-known in German-speaking regions:
- The main difference from all these lesbian dating sites or general dating apps is that we place the compatibility of values, life philosophies, life goals, and relationship models at the very center of our matchmaking.
We see partner finding as an event that does not accumulate from many chats and contacts, but rather occurs when two compatible women enter each other’s field of vision, recognize the moment, and seize it to enter into a loving relationship with one another.
At Consonance (Gleichklang), we do everything to ensure that this moment occurs for our lesbian members and a love relationship begins.
Lesbian and Bisexual Women at Consonance (Gleichklang)
Consonance (Gleichklang) is aimed at lesbian and bisexual women who are specifically seeking a romantic relationship or a friendship. This makes Consonance an effective complement to the lesbian scene as well as to other lesbian internet offerings, which are often less focused on matching long-term partnerships and stable friendships.
Especially for lesbian and bisexual women, research shows that dating, friendship, scene connection, and community are often more intertwined than in heterosexual partner search. Queer women use apps and online spaces not only for finding romantic or sexual encounters, but also for finding belonging, friendship, and broader social embedding.
This is exactly what we accommodate at Consonance (Gleichklang), as lesbian women can also find friends, projects, and communities besides partners. We also offer specific search and matching options, such as the opportunity for lesbians to find a gay friend. Within the framework of queer partner search, we enable further constellations, such as the search for a bisexual woman or for so-called Girlfags (gay women) to find a gay man for a partnership.
Our evaluations show that partner search for lesbian women at Consonance (Gleichklang) has high success rates, and we found no difference in the success rates of lesbian women and gay men in their partner search:
- Members with homosexual orientation: 34% found a relationship if they had not given up for at least one year. 63% found a relationship if they had not given up for at least two years.
Diverse Relationship Models at Consonance (Gleichklang)
At Consonance (Gleichklang), different relationship models are matched, leading to appreciative interpersonal encounters that can promote individual happiness in life:
- The starting point is always the compatibility of values, relationship ideas, readiness for commitment, and life philosophies. The goal is not a specific relationship norm, but bringing together people who can truly be satisfied and happy with each other in the relationship form they desire.
Most lesbians and bisexual women at Consonance (Gleichklang) continue to seek the classic monogamous two-person relationship. At the same time, Consonance consciously enables the targeted search for other relationship forms. These include polyamorous relationships, polyamorous group relationships, open relationships, swinger relationships, as well as friends-with-benefits constellations. Likewise, platonic relationships can be found at Consonance, where closeness, connection, and reliability without sexuality are the focus.
By explicitly considering and supporting all these relationship models in the dating process, Consonance (Gleichklang) ensures that those women who truly fit each other in their respective relationship forms are brought together in the partner search.
This prevents people with incompatible expectations, needs, or relationship ideas from being brought together. In this way, relationships are created that are sustainable not only formally, but also emotionally and practically.
Lesbian partner search at Consonance (Gleichklang) is not exclusively designed for one model of love. Most of our lesbian members continue to seek monogamous two-person relationships. And they can find exactly that.
In addition to those who clearly decide on one relationship model, there are also lesbians who are open to all or several models and, with this openness, can get to know women with various relationship models.
- For our lesbian matchmaking, the central feature is that we explicitly ask our members about these different relationship models and, on this basis, bring together those women who can be happy in a relationship with each other.
Friendships, Projects, and Communities Between Lesbian and Bisexual Women
Beyond partner search, Consonance (Gleichklang) plays a central role in the emergence of friendships, projects, and communities between lesbian and bisexual women:
- Many members consciously use Consonance for friendship search as well, to build sustainable social networks. From such contacts, long-term friendships, community projects, or stable chosen families often emerge that go far beyond classic dating goals.
Diversity of Gender/Gender Identity and Sexual Orientations
Furthermore, Consonance (Gleichklang) also fosters relationships and friendships that go beyond the typical search directions of the major sexual orientations:
- We support the search for special combinations of sex, gender, and sexual orientation, e.g., the search by lesbians for heterosexual women, as well as the search by lesbian men (Guydyke) or gay women (Girlfag). This makes us a dating platform open to the entire queer community.
Psychologically Based Matchmaking by Compatibility
Partner search at Consonance (Gleichklang) is based on a psychological matching algorithm. Partner suggestions are generated based on compatibility in core values, life goals, relationship ideas, and lifestyle characteristics.
This approach fundamentally differs from superficial dating and random contacts:
- The goal is the emergence of lasting and sustainable romantic relationships. Internal evaluations show that the majority of couples formed at Consonance stay together long-term. The overarching approach of matchmaking at Consonance does not aim for short-term encounters, but for relationship compatibility, readiness for commitment, and compatibility. Dating here is not an end in itself, but a structured path to finding a relationship.
Unlike all other lesbian dating sites, lesbian dating apps, or general dating apps, Consonance (Gleichklang) realizes the principle of actual psychological compatibility as the entry requirement for a happy romantic relationship:
- We identify a large number of characteristics of lifestyle, core beliefs, and relationship models that are important to our members for a relationship. Based on compatibility in these fundamental characteristics, we generate our partner suggestions at Consonance, and analogously our friendship suggestions.
Lesbian and Bisexual Women Find a New Level of Partner Search at Consonance (Gleichklang)
Lesbian and bisexual women have the opportunity at Consonance (Gleichklang) to elevate their partner and friendship search to a new level:
- Through the clear focus on compatibility, values, relationship ideas, and life philosophies, relationships at Consonance are created that endure and develop long-term.
Through the psychological matching algorithm and the orientation of members toward actual relationship finding, lasting and happy romantic relationships are made possible. Our evaluations show that the majority of Consonance couples actually stay together long-term.
Furthermore, Consonance (Gleichklang) addresses people who value ecology and social justice:
- Unlike the major dating sites, dating apps, and single dating sites on the internet, we specifically support the partner search of people with alternative lifestyle concepts and socio-ecological interests.
We Promote Readiness for Commitment
Psychological studies show that modern dating systems, with their “more is more” principle, lower our readiness for commitment:
- The more suggestions participants receive in a dating experiment, the lower they rate their willingness to actually make a commitment decision and start a lasting relationship with one person. Even purely imagined alternatives (“I have many other options”) lead us to distance ourselves from a relationship opportunity.
Further studies show that with more profiles, we acquire an unconscious weighing attitude:
- We begin to develop doubts about every profile and repeatedly hope for a better match. At the same time, studies show that with increasing numbers of suggestions, superficial and lightning-fast selection criteria, which are almost exclusively oriented toward appearance, dominate our decisions.
The problem with this:
- The criteria we use do not predict whether a happy relationship can emerge. We orient ourselves toward criteria that can easily mislead us.
The tragedy of today’s lesbian partner search lies hidden in these factors:
- Contact options have exploded over the past two decades, yet single rates are rising. More and more lesbian women find it difficult to actually find the partner for life.
For lesbian women specifically, location-based dating apps, when internalizing the “more is more” ideology, create the feeling of a thin market that can lead to dissatisfaction and hopelessness:
- In qualitative research on queer women on Tinder, it was described that users often get the impression after just a few profiles that there is “no one new.” The dating apps that constantly focus us on the desire for someone new thus transform, for lesbians as a realistically smaller target group, into a painfully experienced feeling of scarcity. This increases the desire to expand the circle, which paradoxically further lowers readiness for commitment.
As a solution, at Consonance (Gleichklang) we focus on step-by-step suggestions of truly compatible women, so that the chance of a relationship beginning increases. In doing so, we change the implicit and unnoticed goal shift found on other lesbian dating sites, where the actual relationship goal recedes and the match goal steers one’s own dating behavior:
- A match goal refers to a short-term contact or even just a short-term hope. These act as immediate rewards, so we begin to behave in ways that generate as many such matches as possible. However, such matches mostly do not lead to relationships; rather, they promote perpetual dating.
Overcoming Dating Burnout
The consequences of modern online dating for lesbian women are also evident in the fact that more and more lesbians report dating burnout:
- Online dating leads to exhaustion and inner emptiness for them. Many therefore repeatedly try to move away from dating sites, drop out of lesbian dating apps, or delete, deactivate, or stop logging into their profiles on other lesbian meeting sites.
While apps can enable feelings of belonging and hope, with continued use they increasingly create exhaustion and emptiness.
The attempt to withdraw from dating apps fails for many lesbian women:
Because after leaving, the impression of having no alternative emerges. This creates an eternal cycle of ending and restarting dating, which for many lesbian women remains a cycle that is not ended by a lasting relationship.
At Consonance (Gleichklang), we end this vicious cycle and, through the focus on getting to know individual people, create space again for finding a partner:
- Lesbian members of Consonance experience that it is completely normal to go for longer periods without receiving suggestions and without being in contact. But one day the moment arrives when a suggestion is made, communication occurs, the women explore a possible relationship with each other, resonance develops, and then a love relationship begins.
Avoiding Fragile Relationships (Liquid Love)
The sociologist Zygmunt Bauman introduced the concept of Liquid Love, a fragile form of love characterized by low bonding power and constant interchangeability. This fragile form of love is increasingly appearing in lesbian relationships today.
Relationships emerge that, however, do not deepen:
- One reason for this is that many have long since made dating a habit. They try to satisfy their hopes and longings by not permanently stopping dating even when a relationship has begun.
This way, however, a stable foundation never develops. Lesbian partnerships increasingly become unclear, slide into gray areas, and ultimately dissolve.
We counter this at Consonance (Gleichklang) with the focus on a serious search for a relationship, bringing together those lesbian women who have decided to exit the dating cycle and enter love:
- In a way, we are thus the anti-dating-app dating site — a meeting platform that enables real and stable love for lesbian women rather than an illusory and fragile love.
Maximizing the Seriousness of Partner Search
One of the central aspects of lesbian partner search at Consonance (Gleichklang) is maximizing the seriousness of all our members. For participation in our lesbian matchmaking service, we set hurdles that many lesbian women who search elsewhere do not overcome:
- With us, a profile cannot be created in 1-2 minutes; rather, comprehensive questionnaires must be completed. There is no free trial, but a fair and, where applicable, socially reduced annual fee is paid by all members.
Through both factors together, at Consonance (Gleichklang) we have lesbian women who truly have the motivation, the drive, and the willingness to make their partner search successful:
- The eternal dating with its playful and gamified character is replaced by real partner finding.
Dating at Consonance (Gleichklang) as an Alternative to Lesbian Dating Sites
Consonance (Gleichklang) explicitly sees itself as an alternative to classic lesbian dating sites and dating apps:
- Consonance is not superficial, not image-centric, and not gamified. Relationship finding is not understood here as a short-term event, game, or distraction, but as a meaningful process that requires structure, time, and psychological foundation.
At the center is the real emergence of relationships based on compatibility, readiness for commitment, and shared convictions. Consonance (Gleichklang) thus consciously sets a counterpoint to short-term, addictive, or non-committal dating.
Incidentally, mainstream apps are according to studies particularly problematic for lesbian and bisexual women because they often remain heteronormatively preset. A qualitative study on women-seeking-women on Tinder showed that women seeking women nonetheless encounter men, couples, and heterosexual women, and if they do not want this, they have to clearly differentiate themselves without this being able to provide real protection.
How the Internet Destroyed the Lesbian Scene and Third Places
Comprehensive surveys and studies within the LGBTQ+ community now demonstrate that dating sites have led to an erosion of the previously vibrant scene. Meeting points, cafés, clubs, and places where lesbian women meet have quantitatively decreased.
Historically, lesbian partner search in German-speaking regions was strongly tied to specific places. Berlin was already a central place of lesbian sociality in the Weimar Republic with organizations, magazines, events, and meeting points. These structures were destroyed under Nazi persecution, and it was only since the 1960s and particularly the 1970s that lively women’s and lesbian subcultures emerged again.
The lesbian scene still exists, but its structure has quantitatively and qualitatively changed:
- In Germany, Berlin and Cologne stand out as particularly visible places of lesbian and queer offline scenes, with Hamburg and Munich following. In Austria, Vienna stands out as a central offline hub, and in Switzerland, Zurich. But even in places where the lesbian scene still exists, many do not succeed in finding a partner.
The number of lesbian cafés and clubs has actually decreased, but additionally a qualitative change in the lesbian scene has occurred through online dating:
- Many lesbian women have relocated partner search to the internet. They are no longer truly open to meeting in the lesbian scene, and the significance of lesbian meeting points for partner search has therefore greatly decreased.
Thus, we can observe the so-called phubbing everywhere in the lesbian scene as well:
- Women look at their phones and quite often even at a dating app.
The hope that the internet would solve all partner search problems has meanwhile, however, …
- The rising single rates despite seemingly exploding contact options show that the principle of mass scrolling through profiles, left- and right-swiping, does not result in a happy relationship for many lesbian women.
Focused on the Decisive Moment
Consonance (Gleichklang) is also an online dating service for lesbian women. We are not a café, not a club, not a solidarity-based offline initiative where lesbian women can find, build, and maintain love relationships in community with each other.
But at Consonance (Gleichklang), we have removed the destructive aspects of dating apps and put the focus on getting to know individual people:
- Lesbian women who participate at Consonance will experience no entertainment, no variety, no fun, no gamification, and no short-term rewards. But whoever, as a lesbian woman, engages with our sustainable principle of matchmaking will one day encounter another woman with whom resonance develops, from which a partnership emerges.
Not Conservative, But for Love and Human Solidarity
Some might perceive Consonance (Gleichklang) as almost conservative:
- Because our online dating for lesbians includes many aspects of a classic matchmaking service where individual people are fully in focus.
In reality, however, Consonance (Gleichklang) is anything but conservative; rather, it is human-centered and solidarity-based, oriented toward the emergence of actual love relationships between women.
Whoever experiences love in the sense of a lasting love relationship as conservative has already fallen for Zygmunt Bauman’s Liquid Love, which is an expression of capitalist, market-oriented principles that dominate online dating.
These market-oriented principles, however, serve to maximize the revenue of dating sites and are therefore oriented toward establishing perpetual dating.
Lesbian women who fall for these systems sometimes waste a not insignificant portion of their lifetime on pointless dating activities from which only hopes and short-term stimuli emerge, but no happy and lasting relationships.
We at Consonance (Gleichklang) clearly put a stop to this with our psychologically based partner finding for lesbian women.
Solidarity-Based Lesbian Dating
At Consonance (Gleichklang), we have chosen a collective solidarity-based fee system that enables almost every woman to participate with us, regardless of whether her income is high or low.
We have, in contrast, dispensed with completely free trial participation because exactly these are the entry point for spam profiles and multiple profiles that already ruin online dating for lesbians and others everywhere.
We charge a fixed annual fee, which we however reduce socially, leading to very substantial discounts for people in need, such as 24 EUR per year or even only 6 EUR per year.
At Consonance (Gleichklang), lesbians are therefore in a community of people who are all seriously searching for relationships, but from which no one is excluded due to limited financial means or even financial hardship.
With this approach, we at Consonance (Gleichklang) are unique in the German-speaking internet. No other lesbian dating site, no dating app, and no online matchmaking service practices a similarly solidarity-based and inclusive approach.
As a result, at Consonance (Gleichklang) you primarily encounter socially conscious, socially sensitive women who have an awareness of social injustice and who also want to live a solidarity-based coexistence in their relationships and radiate it outward into the social environment.
A Different Lesbian Dating Community
With our distinctive features, we are a unique lesbian dating community in German-speaking regions. We maximize for our lesbian members the probability that one day the right woman will enter their lives and a relationship will begin.
We also enable the search for lesbian friends, projects, and communities. In partner search, we start where others stop. Instead of an endless continuation, we help our members exit the repetitive and sometimes even addictive yet internally empty dating mode and enter a real love relationship or friendship.
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