Supporting Long-Term Singles and Absolute Beginners in Their Online Dating Journey
“In a world where social networks are booming but loneliness is spreading, you should not be alone but find a stable bond.”
Online Dating for Long-Term Singles and Absolute Beginners
As a long-term single or Absolute Beginner (people without relationship experience), you are not alone in this world:
- Today, thanks to dating apps and online matchmaking services, there are more contact opportunities than ever before. At the same time, there are more singles than ever before, although the overwhelming majority of adults desire a committed relationship.
These connections are also evident from this data (Jackson, 2018) on the situation in the USA:
- In the 1950s and 60s, 31% of adults were single; now it is almost 50%, with more than one in four adults (28%) never having been married, 11% divorced, and 6% widowed. The average age of marriage increased during this time from 23 to 29 years.
- 93% of adults see a committed relationship as one of their most important life goals.
The situation in Europe is comparable. So in Germany, Austria, and Switzerland, there are millions of people who have been without a partner for several years or even many years. There is also a group of people – the so-called Absolute Beginners – who have never had a partnership or sexual relationship. We conducted an extensive study on these Absolute Beginners at Consonance (Gleichklang), the results of which are presented in the article “Absolute Beginners: What Are Their Characteristics?“
Today, there is no longer any need to enter into a partnership to avoid loneliness, ensure care in old age, or meet normative societal expectations. There are alternative life models and networking opportunities that can make single life happy and meaningful. However, the majority of singles do not want to remain permanently without a partner but still wish for a committed partnership one day.
At Consonance (Gleichklang), we particularly look after the long-term singles and Absolute Beginners among our members to support them in realizing their desire for a partnership. To this end, based on surveys, we have also developed a self-test “Why am I single?“, which you can take free of charge at any time. With the evaluation of 11 possible reasons, the test provides you with application-oriented suggestions on how you might change your approach to online dating to accelerate your partner search.
For long-term singles, it is important on the one hand to stabilize themselves in their current single status, but on the other hand to resolve possible blockages and approach online dating without pressure. Fortunately, our evaluations at Consonance show that long-term singles and Absolute Beginners have no lower chances of success if they take effective steps for their partner search. It is of great importance to stay with it even when disappointments occur or online dating – as is typically the case – stretches out over time.
From a psychological perspective, long-term singles and Absolute Beginners are often in a state of ambivalent grief over a psychologically desired relationship that is physically absent. Since it is unclear whether a relationship will develop in the future, it is difficult for those affected to come to terms with this grief. Many experience this as blocking.
Therefore, it is important for long-term singles to accept their single status, live a meaningful life in the here and now, and at the same time keep the option for a future relationship open. A meaningful life is possible even as a single. You don’t need to fear a future as a single, but can accept and further develop your single life. At the same time, you can also take steps that fill the option for a future relationship with life, without having to search for it desperately or waiting for it.
For the option of a relationship, online dating is a suitable path, especially since studies by sociologist Rosenfeld from Stanford University in the USA show that approximately 40% of all relationships now begin online. Other ways of finding a partner have lost chances in comparison. Still, 60% of all relationships begin offline. But these 60% are distributed across numerous contexts: circle of friends and acquaintances, work colleagues, leisure activities and going out, conscious searching via classified ads or singles events, chance encounters. Today, the largest single source of matchmaking is the internet.
At Consonance (Gleichklang), we can open up relationship opportunities for members who are often in a state of ambivalent grief or who had sometimes already given up hope for a partnership. Through our careful psychological matching approach, long-term singles receive new impetus for their online dating. Accordingly, they often succeed in finding a partnership over time. We observe that even years-long or decades-long periods of being single can transition into happy partnership relationships.
Matching based on compatibility of values and lifestyles reduces the difficulties of online dating and facilitates partner finding and relationship building. The system of careful contact initiation and communication at Consonance (Gleichklang) makes it easier for people who have been single for a long time to gradually engage in a partnership. Thus, matchmaking does not become overwhelming but rather an opportunity for personal development.
Long-term singles can also particularly benefit from the contact lists for projects and communities or shared activities. In fact, these projects or activities can also lead to partnerships, as the individuals get to know each other in the context of shared activities and goals. Even though the vast majority of partnerships arise through our matchmaking, we estimate that approximately 10% of all Consonance relationships are initiated through the contact lists.
We support the group of Absolute Beginners, who have no relationship experience at all, with a special acceptance-based matching:
- We ask our members whether they are Absolute Beginners, and we also ask every member about their acceptance for a partnership with an Absolute Beginner. In this way, Absolute Beginners are only suggested to people who show understanding and acceptance for their previous lack of relationships. If desired, Absolute Beginners can also restrict their online dating entirely to other Absolute Beginners.
Even if you have already been on dating apps or other matchmaking services, it may be worthwhile for you as a long-term single to try Consonance (Gleichklang). Because we have designed Consonance to provide a particularly suitable communication and practice space for people who have been single for a long time or are Absolute Beginners for effective online dating and the beginning of a new chapter in life.
