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Introduction to the Psychology of Online Dating | Consonance (Gleichklang)
Partnership and love are among the most important factors in individual relationship happiness. Accordingly, many singles painfully miss them. Not infrequently, this gives rise to a form of last‑minute panic, accompanied by the question of whether it will still be possible to find the right relationship. Against this backdrop, the market for online dating sites is booming. At the same time, many people wonder whether online partner search is really worthwhile and how it can be designed sensibly.
This book shows, in four major sections, how online partner search can be prepared, conducted, and ultimately transitioned into a stable relationship, all based on psychological principles.
Preparation for Partner Search
This section focuses on reflecting on your own life ideas and relationship wishes. The central question is whether a partnership is actually desired and, if so, what kind of person and what form of relationship are being sought. At the same time, it encourages you to better understand and develop yourself. The goal is to shed possible inner baggage and, for example, to avoid repeating unfavorable patterns from past relationships.
Choosing the Right Platform
This section provides guidance on how to select a platform that is suitable for your own goals in online partner search. The differences between dating apps, singles platforms, and matchmaking services are explained, and key quality criteria for dating providers are highlighted. In addition, common myths about online dating are critically examined – for example, the assumption that a particularly large number of partner suggestions or options automatically leads to better chances of success.
Starting Online Partner Search
This section describes how to create an effective search profile and which communication strategies contribute to making online partner search successful. Topics covered include designing the self‑description, selecting suitable photos, and writing first and follow‑up messages. It also addresses fundamental prerequisites such as openness, patience, and a composed approach to disappointments. The section also shows how potential difficulties or negative experiences can be anticipated and mitigated through appropriate coping strategies. Finally, guidance is given on transitioning from online communication to the first personal meeting.
From Partner Selection to Relationship Maintenance
This section addresses how to recognize that the right person has been found and how to shape the subsequent relationship building. Key criteria for partner selection are presented, including attraction, willingness to commit, shared life goals, and mutual readiness for change. It also explains why radical honesty is one of the most important principles for further getting to know each other, building a relationship, and shaping it. The section concludes with guidance on how to maintain love in the long term.
The strategies and recommendations presented in this book are based on my many years of experience as co‑founder and psychologist of the dating platform Consonance (Gleichklang), on conducting numerous surveys among Consonance members and Consonance couples, on evaluating letters and experience reports, and on a systematic engagement with the psychological research on partnership and online dating.
With this book, I summarize the insights gained over years from these sources. The goal is to provide readers with a deeper understanding of love, partnership, partner search, and relationship design, while also offering practical and well‑applicable guidance to help shape their own online partner search in a reflective and successful way.
Table of Contents of the Book | Next: Preparation for Partner Search
